I just watched the film Murderball, and I thought I'd post my thoughts.

First, let me say that I have nothing against any of the people in this documentary. I used to be a wheelchair athlete myself, and I was told at one time that if I trained, I could compete in the paralympics. My lack of interest in sports is what prevented me from pursuing this. I have nothing against wheelchair athletes, and I watched this film to learn about their lives, and struggles, to compare them to my own.

Now for the film. I thought it was pretty bad. It was all over the place and presented mixed views. I believe, that this film didn't accurately portray life for an average disabled person. I know they were focusing on the sport, but they should have stuck to that, instead of going back and forth from sport, to person. It seemed as if they were trying to cover all ranges of disabilities, by focusing on one very specific group: male quad athletes. They should have just stuck to murderball, and not try to lump all disabled people in to one category.

Of course, most people would not notice the difference. That's why they like the film. They think they've been enlightened. But disabilities vary.

I could see that they didn't want people to feel sorry for them, but they would talk about how they got girls by making them feel sorry for them. I know disabled men are very different from disabled women. In my experience, men tend to use their disability to get sex because they are often deprived. Women tend to rise above and use their disability for power.

Then, there is a huge difference between people that were born disabled like me, and people that became disabled in an accident (such as this documentary follows). People that were born disabled know no other life. They don't have to adjust to anything else because their lives have always been the same. People that were disabled later in life have to deal with not feeling whole anymore. They are often depressed and reclusive, and have to go through rehab and therapy to adjust. My group is largely in the minority, even though there are more of us, because the public just assumes that everyone in a wheelchair were in some kind of accident.

I realize this film would be critically acclaimed because there are no other documentaries about disabled people, and this is considered a very fresh idea. Plus, if you are against the film, it makes you look like you are against disabled people. I can see how people without disabilities would see this film, and consider it to be insight into the life of a person with a disability, but it's really not at all.

This movie was also extremely conservative. I believe conservatism is what holds back people like me. There needs to be a documentary that solely focuses on the lives of disabled people from every angle.

I was reminded of the scene in Bowling for Columbine where Michael Moore and the disabled men meet. That one scene says more about people like me than all of Murderball put together, because of its tone.

I've been thinking of making a documentary about this issue for awhile. Over all, Murderball only shows a small part of what life is like for individuals like me. Maybe this movie would pave the way for other ideas. But I'm also afraid people wouldn't be able to make better documentaries because Murderball already exists. I just hope people don't see this film and think that this is all there is to being disabled.

Thoughts on this?

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I am doing ok after Hurricane Rita. I evacuated to Rayne Louisiana from Beaumont Texas on Thursday night with my roommates. My car broke down on the way there, but was towed to a safe place. We were in a mobile home with about 15 people when the storm hit, and we had to move to a brick home next door when the house started shaking. As far as we know, our apartment back home suffered little damage. There is a branch sticking into our kitchen window so there may be water damage. Also, our stairs and carport are gone, and there may be holes in the roof. I do not know when they will let us return home (Beaumont, Orange, Port Arthur area). We drove back through the area today on the way to Huntsville, Texas to stay with some friends who had electricity. We had several detours. There are power lines and trees lining the roads. The damage is very bad...many areas are completely destroyed, but there doesnt appear to be anything under water (atleast not anymore). There is no electricity, water, food, gas, or sewer, and its unclear as to how long it will take to be restored. I think we may not have school now because we saw the area on CNN and most of it is rubble. I don't know how long we will be here, but it may be a few weeks or more. Hopefully everything will be ok once we are able to get back in our apartment, but since we are in a rental, I have no idea how long that will be. Please think of us in this time. It has been a very difficult week, but we consider ourselves very fortunate that our home is still standing.
Thank you,
~Joy

My dad has been going insane since I told him I was moving out and today he made off with my car. He said since he paid for it that it was gone. I need my car to practice for my driving test. I failed it today, but I'm supposed to go back Friday. But I cant do it without my car. I'm really pissed off, and so is the sane portion of my family. My sister told me to take my computer, and my cat, and just leave. I won't tell him where I'm going or anything until he signs the car over to me and gives it back.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004
5:14 AM

Well, here is journal addition number two. I didn’t have time to write more while in LA. I’m on the plane now on the way home. The plane is always a good time to think. I hate flying. I’d much rather drive. Atleast then you can see stuff. In the plane, you are up in the air and it’s so annoying to just sit there and not feel like you are moving for hours on end.

Anyway, the trip was a lot of fun. Sunday I went to see a production of A Little Night Music for free, because our cousin Mike got free tickets at work. If he hadn’t gotten them, it would have cost $200 a piece.

I don’t particularly like Sondheim, but I enjoyed myself anyway. The most interesting part of the whole evening, was when we were in a restaurant after the show. Mr. Steven Sondheim himself went by, and I wouldn’t have even recognized him if our friend Jeff hadn’t jumped up screaming “Mr Sondheim, Mr Sondheim!” and ran over to him with his mouth still full of bread.

Earlier that day, John called and updated me on cast situations. He started telling me to tell my sister he could be her belt buckle buddy (she likes cowboys) and informed me that “things like that” were ok on occasion. I hadn’t heard him talk like that since he joked about doing my mom. I swear, the boy is odd. Anyway, when Angela heard him on the answering machine later, she said he had a very sexy voice. I guess she expected him to have one of those gay lisps or something.

Monday I went to Venice Beach and it was gorgeous. I like quaint little hippie dippie shopping areas and stuff. While, there I got my palm read. The man said that I could live to 90, have a boy and a girl, have a career in theatre or communications, and get married at 29 or 38. He also said I don’t let people get close to me, but I have one soul-mate and I care more about them than anyone else. Its funny…when I was 15 I thought I had a soul-mate and it backfired…horribly. But I wonder if he meant I had one now. If so, who the hell is it?

Tonight I got to see Hairspray and I absolutely adored it. It’s been one of my fave shows, but I’ve never seen it until now. Bruce Vilanch played Edna, and he was great. I’ve never seen him in anything except Hollywood Squares, but that’s because he’s more of a writer than a performer.

Marissa Jaret Winokur was in the role of Tracy (she won the tony last year). I bought John a picture book and got the usher to take it backstage to get it signed since I couldn’t go to the the stage door after. Bruce Vilanch, two swings, and another lead signed it. He’s going to love me! He likes Hairspray.

They were having a special benefit performance for the Gay and Lesbian Center of LA. The audience pretty much consisted of my sister and me, a lesbian, and over 1,000 gay men. You could really tell too, because whenever a girl came out in a pretty dress or Bruce did something funny, they’d practically get a standing ovation.

Long story short, I had fun, but I’m anxious to get back home. My dreams of moving out are becoming a reality and now is the time to get busy. I have a place to live with my friend Jeff and he said I could bring Simon.

I never thought I’d care about an animal so much before but I really miss that cat. When I called home I actually talked to him…I’ve become one of those weird pet people.

Friday, July 23, 2004
3:26 PM

Well, since I am so smart, I discovered a way to update my journal while on vacation without actually being online. I’ll just copy and paste this when I get back and you fine folks will know a bit about what I was thinking while I was away…if you care that is.

I find that whenever I come out to LA, I think a lot more then when I am at home. Its like I come out here to get a mental and emotional break from my life, but all that ever happens is my life hits me head on, harder than before, and I’m forced to make decisions.

I really don’t know what I can say about what has been going through my mind. I’ve had so many different feelings.

One day my sister confronted me with the fact that I was a lot meaner than I used to be, and that living with my dad has brought that out in me. That’s why I can’t wait til I move. Living with him is destroying my person.

Sometimes I think my sister is really close-minded, but it turns out, I am the close minded one, because I seemingly hate things that are different than me. And that is one of the number one traits in my father.

We talked a long time last night and it’s amazing how similar we are. The whole gay men thing was a big part of her life when she was my age. It’s how we coped with our father.

I love her, but sometimes she gets on my nerves and makes me feel really bad about myself…like I’m not as smart as she is. But she says I treat her the same way, so I dunno. Anyway, apparently I’m a lot colder than I used to be. I shun anyone that tries to be nice to me.

You’d think that while I was here I’d be focusing on myself, right? Wrong. My thoughts keep leading me to certain people back home…what they are doing, whether or not I should get them things while I’m out here, etc. God, what’s wrong with me. I feel like this whole thing is one sided. It probably isn’t, but then again, it is to some degree. I wonder if when I get home on Tuesday, will I even be a thought in this person’s head anymore?

So I’ve had fun too while I’ve been here. Tuesday we went to Universal Studios. Wednesday night we went to this country music thing and there was a hilarious band called “The Groovy Rednecks”. They had songs called “My Girlfriend’s Got a Boyfriend”, “My Woman Got Hit by a Truck”, “Happy Mother’s Day from Prison”, and “I Only Love You When I’m Drunk”

Last night we saw a movie called “Door in the Floor”, and tonight I might be going to see Hairspray. The original girl is in it, and Bruce Velanch (sp?) plays Edna.

Things are good on the Rocky front. John called me at the airport on Monday and said that we are getting to keep our theatre. We will be going once a month starting in August. I wish I could be there for the show tonight, because next week is the last show. It’s good that we get to keep the theatre, but bitter sweet that we will only be once a month now. But I feel like I’ve finally won some kind of battle in getting John back in cast. The whole thing with Paul still upsets me, and I might even miss him, but I’m thrilled to have John back in cast.

I wonder if Hope has had her baby yet. It’s due sometime this week.

That’s all folks.

No one told me taking care of a kitten would be so much work. I feel like I have a new baby or something...in a way I guess I do. He's up wanting to play at 4 am. He keeps getting into things he shouldnt be getting into, and I'm constantly having to pull him away from something.

He's riled up, and while most of the time he is cute, he's not cute when he's running and jumping all over my bed while I'm trying to sleep. I got some much needed time away from him today and took a nap at my mom's.

I am thorougholy enjoying him though. I hear his collar jingling...guess that means I better go see what he's gotten into now.

Things have been crazy around here. Forgive me if I'm not online as much.

My uncle was working on a new house yesterday installing a new septic tank. His dump truck was parked on a hill, and he ran after it when the brake messed up and rolled down the hill. He couldnt stop it in time and it rolled over him, killing him instantly. It was a very gruesome scene. Other people working on the house saw the truck at an odd angle at the bottom of the hill. They ran down to see what happened and found him. They were very bothered, and they didnt even know him. So its a good thing they didnt let the family anywhere near the scene until they had removed the body and cleaned the area up.

Its very sad for my aunt Ruthie, because they were very much in love. I stayed at her house last night, we went to the funeral home this morning. I finally went back home, too tired to do anything else.

I'm getting my kitten in the morning so I'm a little happier because of that.

Another odd thing that happened was that I got a fan letter in regards to Rocky:

"Ive seen you a few times with f5 performing, i must
say your extremely cute. Talented as well as far as
theatrical performces. Anyway not long ago i read your
profile on their website (I certainly like to keep
myself posted about whats going on with them) and I
ran across your email address. I thought about
writing, but there really isnt much point to writing
someone only to drool over their apperance, or tell
them how great you think they and their cast are, i
mean that is what the fan forum is for correct?

Well the fan forum is actually what made me decide to
write you, i was just reading all over the site,
getting to know a little more about the cast and such.
Then I came across the Gods Law post. Dont worry im
not here to start a debate on the subject, i was
actually just impressed with the way you handle
yourself. Anyway to kind of get to the point, from my
reading of your profile, and what you have to say here
and there on the message board, you strike me as a
really intelligent girl. So thats when i decided to
write, when i came to this conclusion, anyway to get
to the point, you seem like you would be an
interesting person to talk to, and since i love a good
conversation i thought why not try and make friends,
you know? I added you to my aim list which i hope is
ok, if not, just let me know and i will make as
graceful an exit as i can. if you are interested in a
new friend, which im sure you have alot of already,
just let me know. Im Rage Goth on there.

anyway let time take its course

david"

That was cool, but I'm still very upset about my uncle Gary.

Talk about bad karma...my mom called me awhile ago, and my uncle was killed this morning. His truck ran over him. He has a septic tank business, so I don't know if it was that truck or his smaller pick up. I also don't know if he tried to kill himself or not.

This is all very upsetting. I just saw him two days ago.

oh...I almost forgot to mention that while I couldnt find Cats or Rocky ringtones for my new phone, I found some Hedwig ones with little trouble. My phone plays Wig in a Box, but I also got Orgin of Love and Angry Inch. Am I not the coolest person in the world or what?

Dr. Bielecki talked to the guy that hit me yesterday. She said he immediately confessed to it. She said he had no idea he hit me that hard, and he meant it like, "atta girl...way to go." She said she believed him because of the way he confessed to it, and seemed to be shocked that he hit me that hard. I believe him too. She said he wants to make it up to me. Now I feel bad.

Well I finally got to go to The Castle tonight. The Castle is known for being the big gay club in my town. My sister used to go there all the time when she was my age, but she said it got stupid. And of course John hates the place with a passion. He's going to be pissed when he finds out I went and got a membership.

Anyway, I went with Donna and we got there really early. I was bored at first, and I didn't particularly like the techno crap they played.

More people showed up later, and we got to see some drag queens....I've seen a few before but this was new to Donna.

The most fun I had though was the last hour we were there. I went out on the dance floor, and everyone kept telling me how awesome they thought it was. I danced with several people...male and female alike.

During this time, they had a drag show, and I felt extremely enlightened. I was jealous of their stripping abilities and their outfits.

One downside to going there was that I got hit on. Its funny. I go to a gay club to get away from men, and I get hit on anyway. This guy was deaf, so he passed a writing pad back and forth with me. He told me he wanted to be with me, and to trust my heart. I told him no thank you...and then I proceeded to go dance with the lesbians.

This one woman told me she loved me and I had beautiful cleavage.

A funny thing however was seeing some girls from my college there. Including one that really has Jesus up her ass. They thought I was going to tell my dad I saw them there. I told them I wouldnt. The cool people there think I'm a goody goody because of my father, while the stupid people think I'm bad and going to hell. I just can't win.

Now Donna and I are back at the house and I think we are going to watch Hedwig again.

USCS Shoestring Players To Perform “The Rocky Horror Show”

January 21, 2004
Spartanburg, S.C. – The Shoestring Players at the University of South Carolina Spartanburg will perform “The Rocky Horror Show” as its third production of the 2003-2004 "We Will Rock You" season. Performances will be held February 25 - 27 at 8:15 p.m., February 28 at 3:15 p.m. and at midnight, and February 29 at 3:15 p.m. in the Performing Arts Center on the USCS Campus, located at 800 University Way, Spartanburg.

Prior to the Friday, February 27 performance, a special reception will be held for USCS Alumni at 7:00 p.m. in the second floor lobby of the Humanities and Performing Arts Center. Reservations are required and can be made by calling (864) 503-5277 or via e-mail at yrobinson@uscs.edu .

A costume contest will be held at the midnight performance on Saturday, February 28 and the audience is encouraged to come dressed as their favorite character from “The Rocky Horror Show.” Prizes will be awarded for best costumes and door prizes will be given away.

The cast includes John Tyndall as Frank-n-Furter, Amber Boyer as Janet Weiss, Jay Coffman as Brad, James Cartee as Riff-Raff, Janet Allison as Columbia , Cindy Hight as Magenta, Bob Lahmann as Rocky, Rodney Bogan as Dr. Scott, Sean O. Archer as Eddie, and Jeff Newman as Narrator.

Phantoms and Groupies will be portrayed by Erin Stewart, Joy Esterling [its Easterling. They spelled my fucking name wrong again!], Emily Kelly, Summer Caudill, Elizabeth Finley, Maggie Cass, Becky McGuinn, Mickie Brock, Jennifer Latto, Sydney McMath, Patrick Hindman, Jason Keefer, Tracy Boye, Marley Brock, Elyssa Connolly, Jeff Johnson, Krystle Jackson, and Laura Bradshaw.

The production's crew includes Brian Haimbach, director; Joy Finch, musical director; Peggy Craven, choreographer; Barry Whitfield, set design; John Tyndall, costume design; Rich Robinson, lighting design; and Tonya Doughty, stage manager.

Tickets prices are $5 for students and $7 for general admission. Tickets to the midnight performance are $10. For additional information, contact Brian Haimbach, at (864) 503-5882.

Campus


My friend JT



More campus

I got fed up with this couple from my mom's church because they would not stop calling her. They think she is a bad person for moving out. So after consulting my sister, this is what I emailed them.

For Murrill and Deborah:

This is Joy Easterling here. I didn't know how else to get this to you other than this email address.

My sister and I would really appreciate it if you both please left my mother alone. We know about the continuous phone calls...she will call you back when she feels like it.

We both support my mom's decision, and are ready to help her anyway we can. Your trying to get involved in the matter upsets us because it really has nothing to do with you, nor is it any of your business.

We'd really appreciate it if you focus on your own family. You aren't helping the situation by any means. You are only making it worse. You are creating stress on all of us, including my sister who doesn't even live here.

To tell you the truth, I am not upset by anything that has happened except the way you have tried to pry into this. No matter how much you think you are involved, you are still outsiders, and you don't know the whole story...therefore its not really your place to have a say in anything at all.

We would appreciate your prayers for God's will to be done, but please stop trying to fix things you know nothing about.

~Joy

Things are going a lot better now. I took my classes today, and I have the same teacher for 2 hours in a row. These are both the theatre classes and hard as hell. However, the english class is really easy. I feel a lot better about things now. I have to get up early tomorrow to pack up all my stuff in the dorm room (though I get to keep my dorm to have a place to go between classes).

Rehearsal went well tonight. It's so fun to see how a real show comes together as a whole. I still cannot get over the amazing quality of this production. For a college level show (open to the community), its amazing. I saw the set design tonight and my jaw dropped. We've got a giant corset that opens to reveal the castle, cages, and a descending elevator/cage that John (Frank) comes down in for Sweet T...just to name a few.

John watched my dances tonight and said I was doing quite well. I'm having a little trouble, but I'm loving this choreographer more and more. She (Peggy is her name) works me in all over the place.

Anyway, I have to go tomorrow, but John doesnt so either Mom or Donna will take me to rehearsal, and then I'll see everyone later at the show. I invited a guy from NGC. Hope he comes.

How dare he tell a woman to go to the gyno to fix her sexual problems! If she doesn't want to fuck, she shouldn't have to!

Q: You recently said that men need sex to keep their marriage together. I'm a wife who has been ill with a female problem that causes pain and discomfort during intercourse. I want my marriage to stay together. If what you said is true, what should I do to keep my marriage alive sexually?

Pat Robertson
A: I think it would be appropriate to visit a gynecologist and see if you can't get whatever is necessary to deal with your problem. I think a healthy marriage involves a healthy sexual relationship between man and woman. The Bible says they will become one flesh. I think there is a joining together of mind and a joining together of spirit and a joining together of body. I think the body is the one we emphasize the most, and that should really be the least important. I think a marriage can survive without sexual activity, but I think if it is possible for you to facilitate, I think you ought to go to a competent gynecologist or somebody who is familiar with hormonal treatments and see what can be done.

Last night Erin aka evilcb and I did our preshow number. It went over very well except I sprained my ankle during a fall and now its all purple and black.

I went to Asheville today to look at laptops for school and Ern and Donna went with me. While there I got some new hot topic clothes, as well as a vibrator, so yay for that. Also while there I saw this kick ass lamp on sale from spencers. It has a platform shoe base with a fishnet on the leg. The top is leopard print. I have to get it for school. It just looks so Rocky-ish.

Speaking of that, I now have most of my dorm stuff. I'm going with a black theme....bedsheets are black, and so are my towels. Then I'm going to put a few bright things in the room. Its the only part of college I am excited about, but I hope my roomate doesn't hate me. I do want to put up my Hedwig and Cats posters. Also I got a rainbow rope light, as well as a rainbow bulb. Plus I'll be putting my gene kelly pics,