| i'm losing my mind in the best of ways |
[12 May 2008|11:30pm] |
i graduate from mackaw-ledge in like 36 hours.
things have come full circle, i think. in terms of like hilarity.
here are updates, a list, of life and its terms and terminologies, and terminations, and not termites.
hmmm
i am currently employed by four [4] dudes ie companies. one [1] of them expires upon throwing Cap in air, as it is workstudy. one [1] i am quitting in like a day. one [1] calls for my to buy new and expensive-looking cloth pieces. one [1] is full-time, with benefits and 401 [four oh one] things and a gym membership and my very own headset.
oooh
maybe some plays might go up around here written by me or i might get that spot at the soho thing or my talks with those artistic guys might go well and maybe people will read my work and pay me. maybe i might have an audition or two that are pretty sweet or maybe might me my own one won woman women show starring me might become more than just one monologue. also maybe i will start making music and sing at a pub hopefully owned by joe meaning mjoseph papp but you know that probably won't happen for another year or three.
ahhh
i don't like dates and i don't want to go on any. i am infatuated by about 37 [thirty seven] people, and i am in love i think with one [1] of them. how i know is i ran into him on the street in the rain and he was wet and smoking a cigarette and i held my umbrella over us both and neither of us could stop smiling, and we talked about unimportant things and just stared at each other and smiled, and then he decided he had to go (in the flashiest of flashes, his mind is made up about things) and he kissed my cheek and strolled away. and then when i got to where i was going (a meeting of minds), i spoked with the clarity and eloquence of someone much older than i usually am in theory.
another way how i know is that i told him one [1] time a year ago that i loved him, and in response he said only
"thank you."
which angered me for a time,
but now, now, i am free to stare at him and smile, and he knows, and so he stares back, and smiles, because he knows, and why should people hide things from others? now, we can talk about anything, because what is there to talk about that is any more important than that? and why would i want to go on dates with thirty seven [37] people, or this one [1] person, because what is more worthwhile than knowledge? he knows, enough.
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| v'day rhymes with bidet |
[13 Feb 2008|12:52am] |
who's excited for valentine's day? me! i am TOTALLY excited because it's just this worthwhile holiday where everyone feels equally loved and respected as, like, humans, which is what we all are. together. it's just so inspiring, you know? i know. when i look at my species, i just want to shower them with tiny chalk-flavored hearts that remind them to "love me" and "fax me" and "be mine." and i think, i really do think, that as those chalky raindrops hit the faces of the collective and fall effortlessly onto the cement beneath their feet, those wonderful people will pick them up and they will remember. they will remember everything.
and they will laugh, oh how they will laugh, and they will all put the heart to their mouth and they will taste a bite of that sweet, sweet chalk, and in that instant the chalk will sieze them. it will take over their tongues, their throats, their chests, and pretty soon they will be made entirely out of chalk, and there will be no actual heart, or skin, or essence left of that person. and then we will all walk the streets and leave dusty footprints as we walk, and we will walk and walk until we are nothing but trails of chalk on city pavement, and then the wind will carry our chalk dust ashes away, like erasers of the universe clapping our personal histories into the harvestlands land of invisible ether. and all that will be left of us is the memory of one sanguine, special holiday. forever. in the hearts of nonexistant men.
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[04 Feb 2008|11:43pm] |
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i am pissed off about so many things right now.
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[20 Jan 2008|02:13pm] |
my room is the cleanest it has ever been!
time to buy chairs
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[05 Jan 2008|12:59pm] |
what should i do with my life?
wahhh, angst angst angst, i'm oldy peaches, blah blah livejournal blah.
i'm going to spend time with my planner.
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[26 Dec 2007|12:34am] |
sardonic
whimsy
protrusion
iconoclast
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[29 Nov 2007|10:02am] |
i'm going to write a post!
i am writing a post.
this post is being written by me and i am writing this post.
this post, having writlike qualities, is conceived by me and carried out by me is this post.
writing a post is what i am doing
i write this post as i am writing this post.
i am writing this post.
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[30 Oct 2007|09:16am] |
it's weird how, as i write the play about the boy who never grows up, i can feel myself grow and grow and grow.
up and up and up!
there's a chappy in charlie and the choc fac (totes luv abbreves) called up and out. it's the chapter when the elevator breaks through the roof of the building and they watch as the hot messes of other kids and their parents come scraggling out of the side door. augustus is shaped like a metal pipe, violet is still violet, violet, mike teevee is stretched twenty feet long, that dumb bitch is covered in trash. charlie is up in the air with a funny old gene wilder type and his funny old grandpa joe. and then they crash land inside the bucket house, probably smashing that cauldron of boiling clothes that his movie mom sings "cheer up charlie" whilst stirring, and somehow they live happily ever after.
out is X and up is Y, on a coordinate plane. i remember using that chapter to help me remember how to graph in like 5th grade.
the point IS...there is no point. yay childhood? yay for now.
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[23 Oct 2007|09:06am] |
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i'm in deep shit, ahhhh
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[09 Oct 2007|11:06am] |
i'm tired! it's awesome though.
wha na naaaaa, jack bandit
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[25 Sep 2007|10:06am] |
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I have so much to do! And nary the care to do it. Ohhh Husserl.
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[13 Sep 2007|10:31am] |
my classes are the shit!
monday- etw (it hurts so good!)
945- voice
1200- acting
330- movement
tuesday- academia
11- existentialism and phenomenology (it's soooo 4.48 psychosis)
2- the english novel of the 19th century (pride and PREJ?! wuthering HEIGHTS?!?!)
355- e and p breakdown (geeky cool ta)
445- english novel breakdown (hilarious dry ta)
wednesday
see monday
thursday
11- e and p
2- english novel
friday
see wednesday
usually, i have work at the office on tues and thurs before class starts
also usually, i have galileo rehearsal at 7
when i don't have that, i work at chinatown brizzle
and for the next two weeks, i workshop peter pan until midnight
sometimes i write with lindsay. and i am thinking about possible indie projects for next semester.
my room is so cute. i'm fixing things with money. i am so happyyyy, mostly due to tr'track and p'pan and y'know other things. the only thing that is less-than is that i wish i could see me friendlies more often. as you can see, i am quite busy. again.
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[30 Aug 2007|11:09pm] |
tonight is the last night of summer.
well, that's not entirely so, but figuratively, i guess it is. tomorrow i begin a new chapter of my life, a chapter entitled "off campus housing." the first sentence will probably be "once upon a time, jaclyn moved to spanish harlem with yael and liz." only i will have to wait to write that sentence until i am indeed upon the time. for now, or the next couple of hours, the time is upon me. so i will do what i do best, which is muse aimlessly.
this summer has been a very interesting one. it's a lot better than last summer, which i have in retrospect deemed a sham because of my constant state of bronchial self-loathing. that disease or syndrome exhibited symptoms well into the semester. sure, there were some definite good times last summer, but i was under pressure from some invisible force to Be some fantastical thing and Understand when I didn't turn out as such. and then i entered the school year with a mind well-scrambled and a hairless head full of existential crises.
BUUUUT this summer, the hair has grown back and the crises have been tamed to mere puddles of "i wonder what" and i have let go of trying to Be and just being myself. and not really dipping any hands into "work" but working for myself and writing here and there and laughing a lot and letting my heart wish for what it would.
i was as honest as i was. i walked home at three am for that. and my heart broke a few times, for myself, for others. things go on as they do. i sometimes whisper unwarranted apologies in hopes that the wind will carry them to a rightful ear. i sometimes regret some things. during those times, i eat whatever i want to or watch crappy television.
i've made a fool of myself a bunch, but so far i've shrugged my shoulders.
i went to the gym zero times.
i had a handful of life-defining moments, like seeing paul mccartney or frolicking in the woods. i was given the truth from a person who i thought only capable of lies. i made some friends and kept some old. i finished harry potterrrrr. i ate lobster cream cheese sticks next to tyra banks. i turned twenty one.
and so ends my eulogy for a summer that is not really over and in its stead i celebrate the time spent less on caring about who i might be and more on CHILLAXINNNN.
and with that, i should pack some mo'
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[17 Aug 2007|02:35pm] |
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people are hot messes!
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[10 Aug 2007|04:02pm] |
from this moment on, i'm saving up to buy a new computer, and to pay my rent, and to furnish things and pay my bills, and eating well via cooking. no more restaurant splurging (save once for alyssa's 21) ! no more clothes (unless it's something red) ! no more unneccesary impulse buys (unless they're tickets for rufus wainwright on august 19th) !
clearly, i will abide by these rules.
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[31 Jul 2007|12:04pm] |
i'm fixing a hole
where the rain gets in.
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[19 Jul 2007|02:50pm] |
andrew loves doing dishes! he also loves funky jazz pop. i love phones, and rodents and ink. together we equal an odd assortment of unrelated objects, and peter pan.
cucinelie peeting shall commence shortly
all i do at work is wear dresses and watch flight of the conchords on youtube and svu/man vs. wild on the tv in the office. and answer some reservations. and sometimes i go downstairs and seat people. and i get paid mad money for it.
my other job is not as cool. it's in a cubicle and there is no computer or tv. only a phone and a lot of people in pittsburgh to call. people who love musical theater and donating money. but it's still very air conditioned and full of good people.
the cocktail lounge i applied for a month ago called me back yesterday about being a waitress. interesting. cash dollas? i might take them up on it...
hm hm hm when you're out of money, all you can think about is making some. and then when you have it, all you think about is how to spend it. or at least that's me. i should probably start saving for a rainy day, or month, or year...
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[16 Jul 2007|04:35pm] |
"everything will be alright in the end. if it isn't alright, it isn't the end."
daddy
ps, everything is alright, too. wha naaaa. for some crazy reason, i love my job. for some duh reasons, i love my friends. and my family is the shit, fo realz.
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[09 Jul 2007|03:27pm] |
i hate when people ask me what i'm working on this summer and i answer them with "oh, you know, i have two jobs, i'm looking for an apartment, i'm chillin, whatevs" and they answer me back with a look of apprehension, as though the fact that i'm not in or auditioning for a jillion shows makes me "unworthy." i'm writing a play, i'm cowriting a film, i'm paying my bills, i'm walking around and thoroughly enjoying the city, i'm seeing shows and movies and concerts, i'm reading some books, i'm having fun with other humans. i have a nice tan and good hair. sometimes i think about working out. it's nice.
the next year is going to be insane. i think it may be the first time that i'm not going to find myself in over my head once i'm smack dab in the middle of everything; rather, i know that i will be in over my head before the semester has even started. which will be exciting or scary or something.
here's to finding an apartment this week with liz! and also here's to my mom, who just signed the contract on her novel, which means it will be in your local barnes and noble by fall 2008. and here's to petey p getting approved in t-minus like two hours...
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[03 Jul 2007|03:18am] |
who am i?
who am i?
I'M JEAN VAAALLLLJEAAANNNNNNN
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