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My declaration of Self Esteem [Jul. 7th, 2008|08:52 pm]
[Current Mood | calm]

I am Me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine
because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me
my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions
whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies,
my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and
successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of
me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing,
I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know
there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am
friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
and ways to find out more about me. However I
look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought,
and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive,
and to make sense and order out of the world of
people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore,
I can engineer me. I am me, and
I am Okay.

-Virginia Satir
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yoinked Meme [Jun. 26th, 2008|09:09 am]
[Current Mood | accomplished]

The Challenge:
- Post 3 things you've done in your lifetime that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
- See if anybody else responds with "I've done that." If they have, you need to add another!(2.b., 2.c., etc...)
- Have your friends cut & paste this into their journal to see what unique things they've done in their life.

1) Played strip poker while on a band trip in high school (done by Jos)

1a) I bought a plush companion cube and a plush head crab from the steam store.

2) Went on a weekend retreat with a bunch of people from the internet (who you'd never met before) in a cabin in the woods. (done by Jos)

2a) I own a buddy Christ doll, and a talking silent Bob doll.

3) I won a bucket of booze in a raffle worth around $250.

I was going to fill my list with trans things, but I realized I have friends who've done that. Lets see if these hold up.
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feeling happy. [Jun. 21st, 2008|10:31 am]
[Current Mood | content]

Some people feel happy all the time. It's a general state that they feel. Some people have to work on it. It comes in fits and starts, and grabs you by the throat and won't let go.

Either way, it fills you. Makes you feel whole. Makes you want to conquer the world.

I want to hold this feeling of joy. I'm never sure where it comes from exactly. Sometimes it's just seeing something nice. Sometimes it's friends. Hell, even things which have driven me into depths of depression one night can send me to heights of joy.

Of course, after all that, you generally come down, but maybe you can keep a little high, for a little longer. Push back the clouds for another day. To fill you up when you need it most.

At least that's the hope.
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Writing: post mortum [Jun. 18th, 2008|09:43 pm]
[Current Mood | artistic]

So, I wrote a novel in November. Remember? Oh Nanowrimo.
A few people have read it. At least one person enjoyed it. At least a bit.

But, I'm just not sure what to do from here. Even now and again, I open it up, and start reading it. And, well, I hate it, of course.

I can't edit my own work. I'm trying to go through it, and fix all the problems. Make the story better. Make the writing better. I really want to.

But then I open it, and well... I don't really have any desire anymore. I look at the just under 100 pages of text and thing "holy shit, editing that will take forever."

Maybe what I need to do is print it out, double spaced and go at it with a red pen. that way, I can actually see the problems. then edit it all at once. And do it again.

I could even start doing some of the other things which make for good writing. Writing character backgrounds. Writing better scenes. Applying the structure. Using scenes and sequels to tell the story, like my writing class told me to do.

I think I'll do that. Print off 200 pages of text, and go at it with a red pen.

Or maybe I just have to ignore that story, and try a new one from scratch, with better technique.

But... well, I really like my nano novel. It's bad. I mean, it's expected to be bad. but, unlike something which was just 50000 words, I think it could be better. I remember it, and think "Jess, actually, that's not a bad idea." I need to polish it, and add in some good technique. Probably rip it apart completely, scene by scene, and see what can and can't fit. I'd need to make it a little more disjointed, but flow more (which, is really as hard as it sounds, but I think is possible).

That's the worst part. Whenever I think about my novel writers block, I think "Jess, really, there's something there that's worth it. You just need to goto the next step and do something."

Maybe I need more constructive criticism from others. I've heard from Ange, as I know she printed it out and read it at Homewood. But, then again, I'm not sure if more people reading it will help. I mean, I copied down what ange said, and yet I didn't do anything with it.

But, I want to.

I need to print this off. I think that's the first step. Get it off the PC. I like the PC but I hate it. too much other stuff on it. And it's too easy to make little corrections, and then obsess over one little thing.

Well, if you want to read it, ask. It's bad. but, I'm fine letting others read it. Or if you have read it, can you give me thoughts? Really, I'd love for someone to tell me "Jess, dear, really it isn't worth obsessing over. It's not good." Because then I can put it aside.

I need to work on it.
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Jonathan coulton.... in toronto!?! [Jun. 3rd, 2008|09:04 pm]
So, yeah. I'm glad I signed up for this horrid mailing list.

July 9th.
Jonathan Coulton
Toronto.
time TBA
tickets TBA
http://www.lulalounge.ca/

Fucking Wednesdays...

I want to go badly. I wonder if I can go. I will see.
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Firsts, a meme [May. 28th, 2008|10:18 pm]
[Current Mood | bitchy]

Who was your FIRST prom date? first prom was graduation... so Leigh

Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Yup. I talk to Maia from time to time. Hi Maia!

What was your 1st alcoholic drink? Beer (when I was 6-9 years old)

What was your FIRST job? Mowing lawns.

What was your FIRST car? the heartbeat - a minivan (can't remember the make/model)

Who was the FIRST person to text you today? May.

Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? I can't remember. Probably who ever I spoke to first.

Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mr Wilcox. He was soooo gay :D

Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? England probably.

Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? Stephen Spencer, and not really.

Where was your FIRST sleep over? Probably with my best friend Stephen Spencer.

Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? With my words - Probably Geoff when I walked into work.

Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? My aunt and uncle. I was 5, and I was the ring bearer.

What was the FIRST thing you thought this morning? I should wake up.

What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Our Lady Peace, I think.

FIRST tattoo or piercings? Ears last year

FIRST foreign country you went to? USA - when I was 5 and went to florida

FIRST movie you remember seeing in the theaters? I think the first I have a strong memory of was the little mermaid. Because I cried.

When was your FIRST detention? detention... probably grade 7 or 8?

FIRST state/province you lived in? Manitoba

Who was your FIRST roommate? Ryan "Qed" Bianchi

Who was your FIRST? Elizabeth Ashley Fraser
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Avenue Q - the musical in toronto [May. 22nd, 2008|09:14 am]
[Current Mood | anxious]

Tour page for Avenue Q.

As you may or may not notice, this show is making it's way to Toronto this summer. In fact, all of August it will be showing.

I want to go. I've enjoyed the music of this show for some time, and would love to see it live. For those who don't know, this is the musical where such great songs like "The internet is for porn", "Schadenfreude", and "Everyone is a little bit racist" come from. The musical is like Sesame Street for adults.

If you're up to going, it runs from the 29th of July to the 31st of August (with no Monday shows). It has both matinée and evening shows, and tickets cost from $60 to $100. Group discounts start at 15 people (but, really, I don't think we'll find 15 people who'll want to go).

Please reply asap. If I can get numbers, I'll go and order tickets online, and we'll go on the optimal day. If no one wants to go, then I'll find a way to go myself.

Also, I know there's a lot going on in August (Weddings... uh... Weddings...) but, it'd be fun to spend some time together watching the show. But, I do understand not being able to come.

So, yeah. Again. Please reply :)
-Jess
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Life at work [May. 8th, 2008|09:40 am]
Well, it was brought to my attention that I haven't written anything about work recently. So, I felt I could rant a bit today, and probably give you some indication of how things are going.

So, first thing that's probably on everyone's mind (ok, that's a bit of a stretch, many of you have asked me directly already, and others probably don't care.) is how's work going now that I've transitioned. Oh yeah, I transitioned at work last week on Monday. So, it's going well. Much better than I thought it would, actually. Then again, when I was thinking about it, I was sure there would be pitchforks and torches...

Really, most people just don't care. They generally call me by my name (Jessica) instead of my old name (Chris) and while they have some pronoun issues sometimes, it's ok. A few people ignore me a little more poignantly than they did before, but really, people didn't talk to me all that much before hand. I mean, at least from the people who don't talk to me now. The people who did talk to me before still do. So, it's like nothing changed. Except I'm a girl now.

Of course, the place still isn't great. In fact, soul crushing is a good description of it. I have a second interview at OpenTEXT... though it is for another support position, the position is not a phone tech support position. It's more projects. People give me big ass problems and I have to solve them. So, we're hoping for a second interview.

Lets see. How is my life going other than that. Pretty well, I guess. Nothing horrible to report. I'm taking a fiction writing course through continuing education, which is a little bit of a joke, but it's still interesting. Want to see Iron man. Hear it's good. Meh, stuff.

Yeah, that's it. Thought I'd post about it, in case someone still cares. I should get ready for work now.

Oh, right. I forgot one thing. Because I found out this month, despite a tax return of $900 (and getting payed for work), I had in fact not saved a penny, and may have in fact lost a little bit of money, I'm going to try out some sort of budget. First step: Drinking - Each month I get $200 for drinking money. If I run out, I'm out of drinking money for the month. If I don't run out, the money goes back in the bank as savings. Hopefully. At least that's the plan. Another part of my budget is to reduce the amount I eat out. I was thinking about doing a similar thing (take out $200 in cash, and use that to eat food) but I think as long as I pack lunches at least 4 out of 5 days a week, my food budget will decrease drastically. We'll see how this all goes over.
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Salads are awesome [May. 3rd, 2008|10:03 pm]
[Current Mood | amused]

Ok. I want to start this with the simple fact that salads are fucking awesome.

A couple weeks ago, the good kraft dressing was like really on sale, so we bought a bunch of dressings, like ceasar and sundried tomato. We also bought the good salad lettuce (so, you know, not head lettuce, but leafy romaine). when I have dressing I like, and lettuce I like, I think salads are fucking awesome. It's like a sandwich, except, you eat it with a fork. You cut up lettuce, throw shit in with it, and then add dressing. And then it tastes great.

Ok. Yeah, salads are fucking awesome.

I'm really bored right now, but I felt like commenting on my awesome salad skills. I'm a nerd.
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Being sick. [Apr. 23rd, 2008|05:14 am]
[Current Mood | sick]

It's 5:15 in the morning. I woke up at about 5 in the morning being unable to breath or continue to sleep through the pain in my throat. I've gargled salt, taken pain killers and eaten a lozenge. we shall see if the pain subsides enough to get at least an hour more sleep before I'm rudely awaken again by this horrible pain.

I think I'm gonna go see a doctor this morning if I remember. Hopefully I'll remember before work to get to the drop in to get a swab done.

I have to go in to work. I can't miss it today.

At 4 I can go home. after my meetings. after I throw up from stress. I can go home then.

Why did I get sick today? Why couldn't I get sick tomorrow. Or Monday? No. Wednesday, the day where I get to tell everyone at work that I'm trans, is the day that I can barely sleep because of my throat and can't speak.

Fucking awesome.
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Transitioning at work. [Apr. 17th, 2008|08:20 pm]
[Current Mood | excited]

April 28th.
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Ange and Erik's Stag and Doe - Tickets [Apr. 15th, 2008|10:31 pm]
[Current Mood | productive]

Ok, so I've been suckered asked nicely to sell as many tickets to my friend Ange and Erik's stag and doe as possible. So here I am.

So, here's the official line. If you live within driving distance of myself or Guelph, and are free on June 7th and enjoy drinking, having a good time and supporting friends, please pick up a ticket from me. The more friends I have going, the better your time will be! Also, let it be known that a bus will be going from Waterloo to Guelph (and back!), so you won't have to worry about transportation. They've truly thought of everything!

DJ. Drinking Dance floor.
Food. Fun. Friends.
Porta potties. Prizes. Prizizas. I can't believe I quoted the ticket... sigh...

Ok, so I know many of you don't know Ange or Erik, and the ones who do probably already are getting tickets elsewhere, but I want to say again. Ange and Erik are good people. They're really awesome. And because of how I've set up facebook, they're also going to see this LJ post on Facebook. But that's not the important part.

The important part is helping out. I know some of you are thinking about getting married yourselves in the future, and wouldn't it be nice to have friends help out? It's what friends do. I'm helping by selling tickets and being the bartender for the night, so they don't have to pay for a real one.

Even if you can't go, the donation is always appreciated.

Tickets are going for $20 each, or $30 for two. June 7th.

Please, please help out!

PS: I know there are people who read my LJ and Facebook who live nowhere near Guelph or Waterloo. You can choose to ignore this if you wish... or you can donate if you really want... I won't stop you :)

PPS: Yes, I'm desperately trying to find people to sell tickets to, and I may have hit you up already. It really will be a good time, and even if you're not a heavy drinker, you can still have fun. Honestly.

PPPS: If anyone is putting on an event they need a certified bartender for, I'm your girl. Got my certification last year, and have been waiting to put it to use. Sorry, Mike and Liz, if I had the confidence then I would have done it for yours as well.
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Sushi [Mar. 23rd, 2008|10:34 am]
I want sushi.
Not to day, as I have a ham waiting in the freezer.
At some point soon, I want sushi. good sushi, not the crap in a plastic tray.

we should goto Ye's soon. Maybe.

I want sushi.
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I enjoy drinking... free association [Mar. 21st, 2008|06:14 pm]
[Current Mood | depressed]

Drinking is awesome. I especially enjoy making new drinks, with what I have on hand. Then again, there really are no new drinks. Even if you don't know the name of something, it isn't new. People have mixed ever combination of alcohol and mixer imaginable. I'm sure that pretty much everything with alcohol in it is enjoyed by someone in the world. It's pretty difficult to find an intoxicant which humans will not consume in some quantity.

I like to type. I like to write. Writing lets me focus on something else for a while. It allows me to mentally vomit. It doesn't really matter what I write about, it makes me feel better. Sometimes I just write, random things. More often than not I delete it, cause it's stupid. Or maybe because I really don't want people to read it. There are a lot of things I don't want people to read.

And yet, if I post it on LJ (or Facebook... as I know this will be updated on Facebook as well) then everyone will read it. It becomes public domain. Secrets lay bare on the street that is the internet. Anyone can find it. Anyone can read it. Which is nice sometimes. Sometimes, I don't mind writing stories.

I need to force myself to write. I did nanowrimo, and I'm pretty proud of the result-

Stupid enter key. I didn't want to post this yet. I wanted to write more. Well, I guess I'll edit it instead then. Yeah.

I don't put enough effort into things. I know I should be doing one of many tasks which are on my huge ever increasing to do list. And yet, here I am, listening to my MP3 player to drown out the world and typing random words on a public journal. That's me.

I dislike therapy. I really hate it. Mainly because I don't need it. I have friends who listen, even if I don't tell them things. I have a family who supports me from 2000km away. I have myself, whom I have issues with on a daily basis. I understand the logic behind it. Someone objective, or something, to help support you. But, having to pay someone to talk to you sucks. It really does. Also, being mandated by a 3rd party who doesn't know me, or anything about me really sucks. It can't work that way. If you think that being told by someone else "you need to talk to someone for an hour every month" is going to help you, you're not really thinking like a person.

I hate when I have something I want to say, but it just doesn't work properly. I want to say something because saying it helps me. But, if I do say it, then it's out there. And if it's out there, then people often feel obligated to reply.

Reciprocation is a bitch, but it's interesting how well it works. If I give you something, even something small, you're more likely to give me something. Even something as small as a crappy flower. I remember in university, there was a "deaf/dumb" person going around to a bunch of tables in the student life center and giving them pins. Just little pins. They were crappy, but they were attached to a piece of paper which said "I'm deaf and I want money". Ok, it wasn't that exactly, but that was the point. I was really pissed off when he gave me one.

Persuasion is an interesting thing. I think I returned that book to Paul. I'm also feeling a little better now. That's a lot of words. Maybe I should edit my novel. I do enjoy this.
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ah memes... [Mar. 9th, 2008|06:35 am]
bedroom toys
Powered By Womens Toys
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so bored [Feb. 7th, 2008|10:58 pm]
( survey cause fuck it )
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Demand Jonathan Coulton come to Waterloo, ON [Feb. 3rd, 2008|06:58 pm]
[Current Mood | blah]

Demand it!
Clicking the above link should bring you to some website. Eventful. I got the link originally from Jonathan Coulton's website, and he claims to actually read it.

I'd love to see Jonathan Coulton. You should too.

Demand it!
That's the link to demand toronto. Probably more likely to happen.
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Life [Jan. 24th, 2008|11:03 pm]
[Current Mood | cold]

Ok. I'm feeling better now. Today was a pretty shitty day all around, but I'm happier now. After the slightly depressing morning, work was also hell (some lady bitched at me for 10 minutes right when my shift was over leaving me in the worst mood I've felt at sunlife for a long time.), my internet is still garbage, my finger hurts, making it hard to type, my kitchen sink is still clogged.

So, yeah. A lot of little annoyances. Funny how they pile up when you're already down. But, after getting home and bitching about it to multiple people (thanks Ange, and Kevin, and Dean/clanbob), and then talking to silly people online (Dean/clanbob again, thanks), I feel much better. I watched some battlestar galactica as well, which made me feel better.

Yay for better.

So, it's come to my attention that I need to really figure life out. It sucks, I hate doing it, but it's necessary. I need a real 5 year plan, and then to put that plan in action. It's funny, while I didn't get the job today, it was probably more of a blessing than a curse. The guy who interviewed me literally told me "you're too junior, but this is what you can do to get a job with us."

Now. Is that what I want to do.

I'm looking for dev jobs because that's what my BMath major Computer Science is good for. If I want a development job, I need to code. At home. In my spare time. I started looking into making a facebook app. Not C++ or Java code, but it is code, and is a nice product to show at interviews. Other than that, I need to make use of my SQL knowledge, brush up on my scripting, learn perl, or even code hl2 mods. Something. These are my options for home.

If I want, I can pay more money and take distance ed courses. These have the benefit of giving me something concrete on a resume, and brushing up skills, but doesn't necessarily give me the code to display, or the work experience to get interviews/jobs. It also lets me expand beyond what I already have.

Both of the above options allow me to do software development a little better. Is that what I want? I'm not sure.

Right now, it's the only thing I'm trained for. In 4th year I had a crisis, and decided I hated coding, and tried to become a teacher. Which was promptly dashed 4 months later when I realized it's nigh impossible to just become a teacher unless you really work for it. So, I went back to coding because, well, I had the degree. I don't know if I enjoy coding. I haven't done it since school ended, and really I didn't do much of it in the last year anyway, putting me at almost 3 years since I actually tried to code. No wonder I can't get a dev job. I'm not even sure I want one. I'm really unsure.

So, looking beyond development, what can I do? Well, I've proven that I can theoretically do tech support. But, it's crushing me every day I do it. So, really, I think I'd better leave that out for now. I could try my hand at tech writing, something which I have no training, no experience, and really no good idea of what actually happens. But, it's a thought. I could try and become a teacher, which is... difficult. another year of school, somewhere where they'll actually take me, not to mention my grades are terrible from university, so either volunteering out the ass, or go back and bring them up. At this point, if I tried really hard, I could theoretically have a teaching degree by 2010. Would I enjoy it? I don't know. I really don't.

Ok. So, those are the "options" which I have right now. I'm not sure I really like any of them. tech support I hate, development I think I hate, and tech writing/teaching I might hate. I'll come back to this later.

---
I made a plan. If I didn't have job prospects by the end of January, I would transition at sun life. Of course this scares the crap out of me, and makes me not want to think about anything else. I've been fighting for this, for a while now, and everything else is taking a backseat. I really want this. But, without money, it can't happen. Which means a job. I need to live full time. I can't continue going on with this half and half life. I really hate it.

Of course, transitioning at sun life will probably be the worst mistake of my life. They can't fire me, legally, because of it. They can fire me for any number of reasons. I've been told to talk to legal council by my therapist, to see what the law actually states. I'm terrified of actually transition. It scares me so much. But, I need to do it.

It sucks, and I'll probably lose my job, but I have to do it.
---
So, that's life.
my finger hurts.

I wish there was a good way to find out if I enjoy doing certain things. Or, really, I should just grow up, realize I'll never be happy at work, and do what needs to be done to get a moderately paying job. Work the 12 hour shifts doing tech support, or the 24 hour days as a developer, and then do something in my free time to make my life not hell, like drinking and roleplaying.

I just don't know right now. But, since I've gone and written another novel here, I should probably stop.

Speaking of novels, I need to edit mine, and make it suck less.
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interview [Jan. 24th, 2008|11:13 am]
[Current Mood | cynical]

Well, it went horribly, as can be expected. It was nice, as you could tell they were essentially just higher ups in the coding circles, but still coders. They laughed, and asked questions, and I generally failed horribly.

One guy told me that I was a little too junior for the position. so at least I know they're not hiring me. Suggested I actually spend time coding before coming into interviews.

Not a bad idea, really. Just means I won't be getting a coding job anytime soon. and by anytime soon, I mean ever.

Yeah, so, that's pretty much it. I might as well start working on transitioning at Sun life as I'm sure as hell never getting out. No one wants this useless worker. Fucking degree. Biggest mistake ever.

I feel crappy right now, because it feels like, even if I give my resume to another 50 companies, or even to friends, I will won't get any replies, and if I do, they'll still shoot me down. and who can blame them? I know what I can do, and that's nothing. I have no skills.

time to rethink my career goals.
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Personal geeky challenge [Jan. 8th, 2008|10:11 am]
[Tags|]
[Current Location |home]
[Current Mood | geeky]

I was reminded of when Alex did this last year, so I wanted to try myself.

I need character concepts from you guys. I'll pick a few (or all if I don't get a lot), and I'm going to make characters in all the systems I have downstairs. I really just want to brush up on my character creation, and maybe actually make characters for some of the systems I've never used. Not to mention, I find Character creation can really help you learn the system.

To my knowledge (I may be missing some) the systems are as follows:
D&D 3.5
D20 Modern
Shadowrun
WoD core
V:tR
M:tAw
P:tC
C:tL
Book of Spirits (I might use, might not)
Exalted (new, so 2nd ed I believe)
Soon, I'll also have scion, and requium for rome.

So, yeah. Just post some broad character concepts, or broad backgrounds, and I'll start statting them up. Or, I'll try to at least.

I may get bored and not do some of the systems I don't know very well, but we'll see
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tranny meme [Jan. 3rd, 2008|08:59 pm]
[Current Mood | awake]

( tranny meme )
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moving, final [Dec. 28th, 2007|10:32 am]
Sunday, at 2pm, I have a truck from uhaul.
I need help at least in the form of someone who can drive. I need someone to drive me to the uhaul station, so I can drive the truck back. I may need similar help getting the truck back to uhaul.

I'd love to have anyone else who can move boxes, couches etc.

I'm still looking for boxes. I'm going to look for some more boxes. Stupid boxes.

Please tell me if you can help out. I know a lot of you are busy, but if you can help, I'd be eternally grateful. Oh, and if people show up, we'll get pizza, pop, water etc.

Thanks!
-Jess
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Winnipeg, for the holidays [Dec. 22nd, 2007|11:37 am]
So, yeah. I'm here.
Got in last night at 11pm, and pretty much went to sleep.

Now, I'm awake, I've taken my pills, and I'm ready to do something. Well, I'd like to do something. It probably won't happen, what with the snow and all that. But, I want to see someone from this winter wasteland while I'm in town.

I'll be online most of the time (because, really, when am I not online?), but if you want, you can always call. Of course, I'm not going to put my phone number, especially that of my parents on LJ for all to see, but I can email you the number if you reply and want it.
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New Years Eve [Dec. 18th, 2007|11:52 pm]
[Current Mood | anxious]

If I'm not wasted at some point after 3pm on new years eve, I'm doing something wrong.

Is anyone having a party? Going to the bars? doing anything remotely social? There haven't been any visible invites, so I though, it being the 18th, 2 or so days until I leave, then disappearing for 5 days, it would be a good idea to get a sense of the state of our 2007 send off is.

Anything? Anyone? Please, don't leave me hanging! I'll go to the clubs if I have to.
-Jess
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Moving, near the end of the month. [Dec. 10th, 2007|09:41 pm]
I don't have a moving day yet, but near the end of the month, Kevin and I will be moving into Westcourt estates (if we sign that lease... must bother kevin), and Salman will be moving there as well, though not with Kevin and I.

We're looking for people who can help out. I need boxes (we had a bunch, then our landlord payed someone to rip a hole in our wall and they destroyed a good deal of the boxes we had), and a van or truck if possible (Couches being the largest thing we have... couches and beds...).

So, yeah. there's no specific date yet. Sometime at the end of the month. Need to figure out when they're moving out first. And, you know, sign the lease.

I'll put out an actual day soon.
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Nanowrimo winner [Nov. 29th, 2007|11:26 pm]
[Current Mood | accomplished]


A winner is me
I'm done.
I'll allow people to actually read it in due time. Right now, I need to make backups, and do the whole getting a job.

I feel really pumped now!
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Caught up! Nano day 25 [Nov. 26th, 2007|12:19 am]
[Current Mood | accomplished]


I feel on top of the world. around 8000 words left, then I'm done. I'm reaching the major climax, and hopefully I'll be finished just in time.

Yay! Then I'll have written 50000 words in 30 days. And when my friends read it, they'll understand the mantra "quantity over quality".
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Nanowrimo day 24 [Nov. 25th, 2007|12:49 am]
[Current Mood | artistic]


Tomorrow, I will write. Hopefully I'll get over 3000 words tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get a lot more than 3000 words, but I'm not too hopeful. I should be aiming to be done on the 29th, instead of the 30th, but we'll see.
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Day 20 - Nanowrimo [Nov. 21st, 2007|12:19 am]
[Current Mood | anxious]


I'm down by 4972.
I need to catch up. I can do it, I just need to do it.
I'm at least past a bad part. time to kick it into high gear.
Less than 10 days left now.
I want to finish.
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Nanowrimo - day 14 [Nov. 15th, 2007|12:01 am]
Yes, it's the 15th now, but I just finished the 14th.

I need to get ahead, so I can finish before 12 midnight on the last day.
I need to think of what to do next. I'm almost at the halfway point.
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Nanowrimo - day 11 [Nov. 11th, 2007|10:29 pm]
[Current Mood | accomplished]


I'm back on track.
not sure where I'm going after tonight, but I'm back where I need to be. I'm totally going to finish this this year. Nothing should stop me!

Ok, lots could stop me, but I hope nothing does.
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Day 9 [Nov. 9th, 2007|10:04 pm]
[Current Mood | stressed]
[Current Music |Third eye blind - How's it gonna be]


Well, I've finished another chapter. Very short chapters.
I have an idea for what I'm going to do next chapter. In which we meet the family, and perhaps, just perhaps, the idea is sown.

Vague, I know. But that's me.

I'm behind. Yesterday I didn't write. Not a word. Today I got 2500 down, but I'm still shy of the mark I need for today by about 400 words. I don't have any write left in me. So, tomorrow I will write around 2000 words, hopefully, and get me caught up. Maybe more. weekends are buffers. Then again, I might not. Who knows.

All I know is, i will have 50000 words by the 30th. Don't you worry.

Why is something I actually enjoy stressful?

oh, I guess I could update for real as well. I need a job. I'm on hormones. I'm hating my current job. I want to be Jessica more

Wait, that's not an update. That's just reiterating what everyone knows already. Yay.

Oh, I probably should private the entire journal.
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more nano [Nov. 7th, 2007|11:17 pm]
Yesterday I didn't post, because I didn't actually complete my writing until 1 am.
Tonight is earlier, so I will post

My buffer is continuing to shrink. 4 days in a row of under 1667 words. Still ahead though, which is good.

A wall is approaching. I'd better figure out what to do next.
and by approaching, I mean, it's the next chapter, then the chapter after that's a larger one.
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last minute nano 6 [Nov. 6th, 2007|12:19 am]

Tomorrow, I'll have 10000 words.
Tomorrow, I'll be 1/5 done.

Tomorrow is technically today.

Tomorrow... Tomorrow I'll need to make time to write again, and try and write at least 1667 words, instead of somewhere around 1000. Yes, I have a buffer, but that doesn't mean I should drain it.
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nano 4 [Nov. 4th, 2007|10:49 pm]
my profile, so you can add me. Since searching is disabled.
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Nanowrimo day 3 [Nov. 4th, 2007|12:54 am]
[Current Mood | accomplished]


More words!
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Nanowrimo day 2 [Nov. 2nd, 2007|06:23 pm]
[Current Mood | accomplished]


Slower day, as I expected, really. The problem will be when I start to run out of steam. I expect this to happen in about a week. But, this weekend will be buffer time as well! yay buffers!

And, hey, I'm ahead, so I've already got a buffer!

oh, I'm Gharbad on the Nanowrimo.org website. Look for me, and tell me your name!
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nanowrimo [Nov. 1st, 2007|10:47 pm]

day 1
(If you have any other good meters, please do tell. I'm looking for something to keep me writing.)
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Glee! [Oct. 29th, 2007|11:28 pm]
[Current Mood | excited]

I have my estrogen. It's CES, or Conjugated estrogen. It's sitting in front of me waiting to be consumed.

Tomorrow, my breakfast will include a new addition.
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passing... [Oct. 28th, 2007|10:51 pm]
[Current Mood | depressed]

Ok. I get it. I don't pass worth a damn.

I feel kinda bad when this is thrown at me. And it was a few times this weekend. Now, generally, I don't mind. I mean, I'm who I am, and fuck you hippy. But, it seemed like a lot this weekend.

Maybe it's the voice. Yes, I have spent no time on my voice. I feel like I should, if I want people to start treating me like a woman. It's really hard, and I've put no effort into it. I guess that's step 1.

Maybe it's the face. I'm working on that. My beard is going away, at a large cost to me. I'm not sure if my facial structure is really that bad... I'm not really thinking about surgery, but the options exist.

Yes, I know my breasts are fake, and I have no hips (though, I do have an ass, which is nice). That will change, hopefully starting tomorrow, if not then hopefully by the end of the week (yeah, doctor's appointment tomorrow. Fingers crossed).

So, I guess you're wondering why I'm making this thread. Well this weekend hit me three times, so I felt it probably was important to think about it. Then again, maybe it's just that time of year. Maybe I'm over reacting. I mean, really, lots of guys dress up as women at this time of year. Maybe it's just making people extra sensitive to it. Or less sensitive... I dunno.

All I know is, it hurts sometimes. and when something hurts enough, maybe it needs to be looked at so it can be fixed. I feel stupid about it now, but at Mel's, I felt like ass. I was tired, and really emotional. I wasn't tired today, so I let the casual guy comments slide off me tonight, but it still sucked.

Well, I guess that's life. I used to not care about it. Sometimes I do, and usually I don't. I guess as long as people treat me as I'm presenting, I don't really care if I'm passing. but, if I don't at least attempt to pass, people won't treat me that way.
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Came down to a tie breaker... [Oct. 21st, 2007|06:15 pm]

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in with? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

You can change the world around you. You have a strong will and a high technical aptitude. Is it possible you are the one? Now if only Agent Smith would quit beating up your friends.


Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)


94%

Serenity (Firefly)


94%

SG-1 (Stargate)


75%

Moya (Farscape)


75%

Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)


69%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)


69%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)


69%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)


56%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)


56%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)


44%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)


25%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)


19%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)


19%


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Election [Oct. 10th, 2007|11:46 pm]
[Current Location |Appature science centre]
[Current Mood | blah]

Liberals win again, and the referendum failed.

In other news, the sky is blue and water is wet.

And so begins another 5 years of not paying attention to politics because it doesn't interest me, and doesn't matter.
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Robert Jordan died [Sep. 16th, 2007|11:30 pm]
[Current Mood | disappointed]

I feel the need to tell everyone I know.
the blog entry.
Link8 comments|Leave a comment

Careers meme [Sep. 14th, 2007|09:25 pm]
[Current Mood | blah]

( Long text meme... )
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memememememe [Aug. 14th, 2007|11:00 pm]
[Current Mood | amused]

OK, leave me a comment to this, and I'll interview you. I'll ask you five questions, and you have to answer them in your own lj!
(asked by [info]phantasm13)

What is your favourite band?
Right now? I really like They might be giants, Barenaked ladies, No use for a name... Probably others, but I'm always bad at picking 1.

How long do you want to grow your hair?
Not sure. Past my shoulders. Probably no longer.

Who do you admire most in the world?
... Cursed rankings!
Not sure. I admire pretty much all my friends equally.

What is your greatest attribute?
I guess I have to have a greatest... probably my... uh... I like my legs I guess.

How did you start gaming?
In Elementary school, friends of mine introduced me to AD&D. I'm not sure who was the first. I think it was Evan. Evan would just grab the book, and we would "roleplay" by throwing random monsters at me. I loved making characters, and we did that a lot. I then picked up my own books, and would "roleplay" with my friend Steph, who made characters of his own, and I DMed for him. I was horrible at it, and really he'd wander around, and meet kings and I'd throw random encounters at him and give him lots of stuff. I never used the encumbrance rules as I didn't understand them and thought they were silly. Later in High school after we'd gotten bored of that (probably we'd moved on to Magic: the Gathering, or something else... Lego), I met Tyler and he told me of his own dungeon mastering. I spent a lot of time then thinking of worlds I could run, and making characters. Character creation has always been my favourite thing. That stopped when I started Warhammer, which took me through high school, and into university, when I got to roleplay again, with people who knew what they were doing.
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Updates! [Aug. 13th, 2007|04:55 pm]
My computer's no longer dead! This makes for a happy Jess!
Also, two weekends ago, I came out to my parents (as I told you all...). They came down to visit me on the Sunday of civic holiday weekend. Things are good between us. Well, as good as you can expect when your son tells you she's a girl.

I'm tired.
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Coming out to family. [Jul. 28th, 2007|12:22 am]
[Current Mood | accomplished]

Well, I did it.
Finally.

I sent them an email. Yeah, I suck. Whatever.

The best part was the reaction. They call me up, and tell me they're behind me 100%. They're having trouble dealing with it. But, that's to be expected. But they accept me for who I am, and still love me. They wish I'd told them sooner!

Makes me feel great!

Only one last obstacle between me and 100% full time.

Only a few other obstacles between me and hormones, and maybe surgery!
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Meme [Jul. 25th, 2007|11:05 am]
( sorting hat )
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Harry potter's done [Jul. 22nd, 2007|09:53 pm]
The only downside is that, after spending a weekend reading, I have nothing to read on Monday. That and I really don't have a desire to read the earlier books again right now. Maybe later.
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Smart Serve [Jul. 14th, 2007|11:10 am]
Well, over the past few days, I took an online smart serve course. Just finished the exam and am now certified by the course to serve alcohol.

Now, all I need is mixing experience, and I can be a bartender! yay!
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