I don't understand why people view spending time in front of a computer as worse than spending time in front of a TV. Why do I catch shit for "spending all day in front of the computer" (when it's actually just a couple of hours) from someone who just spent 2 hours in front of the TV and will spend several more hours in front of that very same TV tonight?

HOLY SHIT-TOBOGGANS!

Because, seriously, who needs context?

Saw Transformers the night after release. Michael Bay didn't ruin my childhood! WOOHOO! I swear, it took every ounce of self control I had not to stand up and shout "YEAH!" at the screen several times at the movie.
Saw Harry Potter last night. Good movie, to be sure, but I often found myself distracted by the knowledge that Mr. Potter likes to show off his dangly bits. ;p

My friend Andy, from Sacramento, is in town this weekend to attend my birthday bash. It's tonight, and we're throwing a huge party for Charles, Dez and I, since we're all July babies. It should be a great time! =)

Anywho, I never update this thing, so a quick rundown:
Life is great.
Life is fun.
Random not so great stuff, but I'm getting a handle on it.
More absolutely great stuff.
More amazingly wonderful stuff.
I've said this before... but I am so, incredibly lucky in all aspects of my life.

What. The. Hell? http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/LegalCenter/story?id=3195632&page=1

So I just sat down to supper: a nice, large bowl of Frosted Flakes. It's been so long since I've had cereal, and I'm delighted.
However, I must express my shock at the series of events leading up to my actually eating.

I opened the brand new box and wrestled with the Plastic of Doom(tm). I tilted the box and began to pour the cereal into my bowl when *PLOP*... the toy promised on the front of the box landed in my bowl.
Since when did they start making these things so easy to get? What happened to digging to the bottom of the box to get at the toy? To tell you the truth, I was kind of looking forward to that part...

There is almost nothing in this world that a turn-you-lobster-red, steamy-hot bubble bath, a bottle of wine and a good book won't fix. Especially when there are two beautiful kitties perched on the side of your tub.

I'm only sayin'.

So, some of you may remember me mentioning my friend, Duckie, a lot. He's my nearest and dearest. He's also the marine who was sent overseas twice, who many of you sent encouraging words to when I sent his last care package before his return home.
Well, he's just become a daddy! His little one, Hayden, is the most perfect little boy in all of existence. Also, I'm an aunt. Ye, verily, this rocks!

I'm in ur family, spoilin' ur kid!

I'm chatting with a friend who is applying for a new job. As we're chatting, he's working on his resume.

"Geez. How the heck does one fill up a whole page of crap about one's self? 'I do stuff. In fact, I do stuff very well,' is about all I'm able to come up with."

Oh, how I love my geeks.

Recently, while discussing old episodes of SeaQuest with Andy, I was explaining that it was the coolest show ever, owing to the talking dolphin.
A day in the life of Darwin, the talking dolphin:

Darwin: *squeaky noise* I'm so smart I could run this ship myself. *squeaky noise* Back off you big ass shark. I'm a badass mofo and I'll take you out. *squeak* *lays out the meaning of life* *squeak* Now get me a fish, muthafucka, and tell that Lucas kid to get a haircut!

I am sick. Very sick. I'm the kind of sick where I'd rather be having sex in a very uncomfortable place than dealing with this. /sigh
Also, I can't sleep. Everytime I start to drift off, I jolt myself awake coughing and choking. Also, I don't have the mental faculty, at the moment, to bother with the new WoW expansion, as pretty and shiny as it is.
As such... entertain me? Please? Pretty please?

I just got off the phone with my dearest friend in the world, Duckie. We've known each other so long that it's hard to remember him not being a permanent fixture in my life.
Phone calls normally aren't that important, but...

I'm going to have a nephew!!! :D
He and his wife just left the doctor's office and were informed that they'll be having a beautiful baby boy, who they intend to name Hayden Thomas.
Now, if this child had been a girl, she'd have been named after me, but I think I can forgive the child for not having the foresight to be born with the right parts. Instead, I'm going to giggle for days and be thrilled that I won't have to deal with any of that girly crap and can, most certainly, break out the Ninja Turtles. :D

/heads to jinx to buy baby gamer gear

Dearest Buckeyes,

NEENER!!!!

Early Headbanger! w00t!

It's been awhile...

I have to ask: If you could pick one resolution for me this year, what would it be?

("Post to LJ more!!!" does not count!)
;P

Love you all! /hug
/poof

Found it!

Once upon a time, there was a livejournal entry floating around about a guy who was having sex with this girl and ended up catcher her cat on fire. I can't find it, but I'd really like to. I remember laughing so hard it hurt. Does anyone have a link to it?

My boss, Glenn, has a habit of ignoring my IM's when he's on a conference call. He sees it blinking, and he knows it's me. I like to play games with him when he does this. He's going to have me committed one day.

[14:01] ashley: so... i just ran a new report from N, who was at 41%

[14:01] ashley: wanna know where they're at now?

[14:01] ashley: do ya? huh? huh? i know you do!

[14:03] ashley: the suspsense must be KILLING you

[14:03] ashley: i know you can't stand it

[14:04] ashley: you're trying not to ask, but you're getting all twitchy. you just wanna type, "please tell me!" you wanna type it because you can't stand not knowing

[14:04] ashley: the uncertainty is killing you

[14:04] ashley: if you don't find out soon, you'll run screaming through the office

[14:05] ashley: "OH GREAT GOD OF PERCENTAGES, WHAT HAVE YOU IN STORE FOR ME?!?!"

[14:05] ashley: but you're trying not to do that, because you don't want the men in white coats to come

[14:06] ashley: you don't want them to see you broken and crying because i have knowledge that you so desperately desire

[14:06] ashley: and i can understand that, which is why i'm offering to just tell you, if only you'll ask

[14:07] ashley: but this is a limited time offer.

[14:07] ashley: if you don't act now, i'll close shop forever

[14:07] ashley: any inquiries will result in, "There are no percentages. There is only Zul," issuing forth like a proclamation of war

[14:07] ashley: and then you'll be in trouble

[14:08] ashley: because i have the nerfgun

[14:08] ashley: AND i know how to swing the sword

[14:08] ashley: i was a member of the SCA, ya know

[14:08] ashley: they taught us how to swordfight

[14:08] ashley: and i know how to mod nerf darts

[14:08] ashley: i'll shoot you with foamy tipped M&M's

[14:09] ashley: you'll cry out from your desk, "PLEASE! WHY DO YOU HURT ME SO?!?"

[14:09] ashley: "HAVE MERCY!!!"

[14:09] ashley: and then I'll call you Uncle Jesse, like the guy from Full House... cause he always said that

[14:11] ashley: speaking of Uncle Jesse, did you ever notice he wore a lot of hair gel?

[14:12] ashley: I'd venture to guess that the addition of hairgel to his head between 1980 and 1990 would be almost the equivalent to the addition of clean addresses in N between the last report I pulled and the one I just did.

[14:12] ashley: I bet you want to know now, don't you?

I should've written this down when it happened. I meant to, but we all know how a tiny bit of procrastination morphs into forgetfulness and abandonment. At any rate, it appears that I truly do attract the crazies, or am attracted to them.

It was a few weeks ago, a Saturday, and I was dying to see Clerks II. The company I work for, as is their custom, had given me two free tickets to the movies for my birthday back in July. Excited by the buzz, Chris and I headed to the theater.
The movie was hilarious. It may be juvenile, but I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in ages, and I left the theater giddy. As we were driving away, we passed a Barbeques Galore store, only, certain lights had gone out behind the letters, leaving "Barbe Gal." The nails-down-a-chalkboard sound of Aqua's "Barbie Girl" filled my head, and I was oddly cheerful because of it, remembering all the nights Jamie and I used to ride around singing the song with the top off of her Del Sol. Oh, shut up. It's not like you've never liked a horrible, yet catchy song before.

Chris and I pulled up beside the store, wanting to take a picture of the sign with our cameras. I thought Jamie would get a kick out of seeing it. Just as we took the second shot, making sure it wasn't too blurry, I heard a woman scream, and then a man shouting angrily.
O.o
"What the hell?"
I turned and scanned the parking lot and saw a young woman walking briskly across the parking lot, crying hysterically. She reached a curb and plopped down, and her crying became heavier.
"Go over there. Let's see if she's alright," I said.
Chris nodded and drove us to her, and I asked through the window if she was alright. She shook her head as if to shoo us away and stared at her feet.
"Is there anything we can do? Can we call someone?"
Still, she shook her head, told us she was okay, and that we shouldn't bother. Looking at her, I saw that she had no purse, and there were no bulges in her pockets. She likely wouldn't have any money to get home, nor would she have a phone to call anyone with. I asked Chris to park the truck; I was going to get out and talk to her.

Climbing out of the truck, I leaned down to her and began asking, again, how I could help. She kept starting sentences that she never finished, breaking off into sobs and giving up. Eventually, I sat down next to her and asked her if she smoked. When she said she did, I hopped up and ran to the truck to get my cigarettes. Once I got back and she had smoked a bit of it, she seemed to calm down enough to talk to me.

Her name was Lori. The man yelling at her, and now circling around the parking lot in his car, was her boyfriend. He had hit her. It was just after she told me he'd struck her (from behind, no less, fucking coward) that he parked his car about 100yards from us and started walking around, angrily. I told her that he was out of his car, and she began to freak out, telling me that I needed to leave, that I shouldn't get involved, and that he normally wasn't like this if he remembered to take his pills. Apparently, her latest-greatest love was OCD, and got a little out of control if not properly medicated. Riiight. OCD as an excuse to strike someone? That's a new one to me!

As I continued to talk to her, I coaxed the whole story out of her. They'd been dating for 6 months. She had 4 children, none of them his, and they lived together in a house he owned. They came out for a nice date tonight, leaving her children home, and he flipped over some tiny little thing. Her purse was in his car, as I suspected, and she was afraid to leave without it. She didn't want to call the police because there are children involved. She didn't want to stand up to him and/or leave with us because he could make it home to her kids before she could, and she didn't want to think about what that could mean.

I considered her dilemma, and went about handling things the best way I knew how. I explained to her that I used to date someone that hit me, and that no disorder or emotional state was license to strike someone. I told her that, while she probably already knew this, these men never change. Never. Ever. I suggested that the toll these sorts of incidents took on her children was not going to help them grow into well adjusted, happy adults, and that nothing was worth compromising that. I also told her that I wasn't going to stop her from getting into his car and leaving, but I also wasn't just going to walk away and leave her there so that he could do it again. If he got upset that I was there, should could just tell him that I wouldn't leave her aloNe, even though she asked me to.

It was about this time that I looked up to see that Mr. Smacky Hands had driven over to us. He parked his trying-to-look-expensive sedan at an angle just inches from Chris' bumper, in an attempt to block Chris in. He then got out, and walked over to us, his agitation apparent in every part of him. I saw Lori shrink as his shadow fell over her, and she wouldn't look up at him. Deciding that, if I were going to control the situation, I'd have to start now, I looked up at him, a huge smile on my face, and chirped, "Hey! You'll have to forgive us. Girl stuff... you know..."

The guy was short, and every part of him reeked of an ass-kisser. He had beady little eyes and reminded me somehow of a snake. Even under the best circumstances, I'd have gotten a bad vibe from this guy.

As he cocked his head and looked at me, I piped up again.
"Oh, you know how us girls get. We're so over emotional sometimes! /giggle"
At this, he leaned down so that his face was no more than an inch from hers and, with his lips pulled tight across his teeth, he seethed, "Yeah. More often than NOT, lately, HUH?"

At this point, I realized that I hadn't given her my name, my number, or any assurances that I might be able to help her if she needed it. Circumstances were not on my side now, as I couldn't very well jot my info down in front of him, press it into her palm and say, "I'm here if you need help. Anytime. Call me. Please."

As a last ditch effort, I affected a look of disbelief and said to her, "Oh my god! I never gave you my new phone number, did I?"
She, quickly catching on, and without missing a beat, confirmed that I hadn't. Taking this as my cue, I ran over to the truck and dug around in my purse for a pen and something to write on. Having jotted down my info, I ran back over to her and flashed the the paper in front of her face so that she could see my name and said, "I promise that, next time I move out of state and back, I'll make sure you have my contact info!"

At this, she stood up, wiped her face and held out her arms to hug me. She smiled and chuckled, saying, "Funny us running into each other with me sitting in the bushes!" I laughed and started walking back to the truck, calling over my shoulder, "Call me soon! I haven't seen the kids in ages, k?"

Chris and I drove away, slowly, trying to figure out what the best thing to do would be. We certainly didn't want to make things worse for her by interfering too much, but we were afraid to just leave her there like that. We drove across the street to another parking lot so that we could sit, out of sight, and think. Just shortly after we parked, though, I saw Captain Douchebag's car pull out and drive away. As a precaution, we decided to drive back to the parking lot to make sure he hadn't left her there with no money and no phone.

As we pulled up, though, we realized our mistake. I hadn't seen his car, only one that looked like it. She, however, was running away from him at full speed. Knowing that this could get ugly, Chris and I pulled up and I hopped out. The guy had just gotten into his car, as if to go after her, but pulled up right in front of Chris' bumper, instead. This time, though, there was nothing behind us to block us in. What was this guy thinking?

I eyed him as I was moving away from the truck, trying to figure out what to do next when he blurted out, "Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you go get her and take her home?"
O.o

In my perkiest voice, I said, "Yeah, sure! No problem! By the way, she never introduced us. I'm Ashley." I shook his hand (ew) and he introduced himself as John.Then I took off running after Lori. By the time I reached her, she'd hidden herself behind a building, in this little nook that was covered by bushes. I talked to her for a few minutes just to coax her out, and, once she stepped out, I told her that she needed to come get in the truck with us. Looking back, of course, I realize how odd this must've sounded coming from a complete stranger, but I just couldn't see leaving her there with that creep.

She, not surprisingly, was wary. She kept shaking her head "no," and I couldn't quite make her understand that I was there to help her. Then, she said, "You know him, don't you?" Duh! That's why she was being so resistant! I'd been reassuring her that he'd said it was okay, that he'd, in fact, asked us to take her home, so of course she was afraid it was a set up.

I chuckled and said, "Honey, I just moved here a couple of months ago from Mississippi. I barely know anyone I don't work with, and I can assure you I've never seen your boyfriend before. It's just that I've been in a situation similar to yours, and I don't want him to hurt you again." At this, she seemed to relax a little. We walked slowly back to the truck, and she told me that she'd backed my story up by telling him we'd met in school. She had her purse this time, so there was no reason to have any further contact with him. When she saw him, though, she shrank again. Chris helped her into the truck and I kept Captain Douchebag distracted. Once she was safe inside the truck, I yelled back to him that he shouldn't worry; we'd have her home at a decent hour. "We've got a lot of catching up to do!"

Once we made it safely out of the parking lot and determined that she wanted us to take her home so she could get her kids, she broke down into tears again. She filled us in on a few details of her life as of late, and told us that she planned on putting the kids in her van and driving to her parents' house for the night, as it was only about 20 minutes away. Surprisingly, we managed to beat Captain Douchebag home, and she waved us away, thanking us when she made it into the house. I told her to call me anytime.

Fearing that he would make it home soon, and afraid what that might mean for her and the kids, we drove around the neighborhood a few times. Once we got back and noticed that the lights had gone out again, we could only assume she'd left. At least, I hope she left.

The problem is that I know she probably only spent a day or two with her parents before going back to him. I don't know what it is, but women have a hard time walking away from these sorts of relationships. I could talk all day long about the psychological reasons for these sorts of things, but it will only frustrate me in the end.

I just wish we could've done more, though there wasn't really anything more we could do. She seemed extremely grateful, and sometimes, all it takes to make a necessary change is for someone to show you that they really care. We cared. Maybe she knew.

Rhiannon and Tyki are adjusting well. They seem a bit lost at times, but when I arrived home from work this afternoon a little bit later than normal, I was amused to see that Rhiannon was staring out the window to the balcony, watching me as I approached.


The drive to and from work isn't as horrible as I'd expected. Granted, they're doing construction that often cuts six lanes down to two, but I have to be at work at 7am, so I miss most of the horrible traffic.


I adore the new job, too. They made me lead on one of the projects, as I already had a lot of experience in that area, and, though they offer me as much direction as I need, they threw me in head-first on day one. My team is fantastic, as well. There's not a single person I'm working with who didn't immediately welcome me and make me feel like I'd been there for some time already. Everyone has an offbeat sense of humor, so we all click really well, and I've been able to find something in common with everyone on our team. =) I can't imagine a better work environment. They've also recognized what my areas of expertise are, and don't mind coming to me when they have questions pertaining to those areas. I like that I feel as though I'm bringing something important to the team. It doesn't hurt that some of the higher-ups seem to have a great deal of faith in me. =)


The rest of the people in the building are fabulous, as well. I already had several very close friends there, and I'm fast making new ones.


Jimmy, who is very near and dear to my heart, came up to our floor just yesterday with a devilish grin. "What's up with your desk?" he asked. I wandered over to find two rubber duckies sitting on either side of my desk, and Jimmy grinning like a young boy whose grandfather had just slipped him candy before dinner. Just Tuesday, I was able to go out to lunch with CAT, and I had a blast catching up with him. Life has been so hectic for the both of us that, for about a month prior to my move, we weren't able to communicate nearly as much. It was comforting to be sitting there with him, just chatting about everything going on, listening to him go on about all the wonderful ideas in that head of his. =) And I was able to take Dave out to lunch today. Dave and I have really been out of touch over the last month or two, so getting a chance to sit down and hear him tell stories of his herping adventures was a pleasant treat.


And the rain... I seem to have brought it with me! Tuesday, on my drive home from work, the wind started to howl, kicking up dirt and bending the palm trees back and forth. The sky was turning a very dark grey and the air cooled. I was sure that it wasn't going to rain. I figured that maybe wind storms were just a common occurrence in Phoenix, but no sooner had I resigned myself to hanging out on the balcony and watching the clouds did the bottom drop and and the rain start pouring. Those of you who know me should know that I was outside dancing and twirling around immediately. I'm sure my new neighbors think I'm a loon, but I didn't care a bit. It was a heavy rain, with huge drops that splashed behind my glasses and into my eyes. I was drenched almost as soon as I got down the stairs, work attire, heels and all. And then, yesterday, the wind came again. Unfortunately, it didn't rain here, but the sky looked like a painting at sunset, with the huge storm clouds looking pregnant with rain and as fluffy as cotton splashed against the rainbow backdrop that a Phoenix sunset creates. I think Mother Nature is happy with me, as these gifts are just what I needed.


I'm still unpacking, and I don't have a connection at my apartment yet, except when I'm able to pick up on one of the unsecured wireless networks in my complex. The apartment, itself, is really nice, though. It's strange trying to adjust to 1BR/1BA when I'm used to 3BR/2BA, but I sort of like that the space is so small. It's helping me reduce some of the clutter, since there's not room to put everything I brought with me.


This will be the very first space I've ever had that I could truly call my own. This will be the very first time that I will be able to say that I'm making my own way. Of course, the people I love, friends and family, are there to support me. It's just nice to be able to say, "No thanks. I've got this one."