I compartmentalize. EVERYTHING. work is separate from home, which is separate from my love life (all of it that there is..) girls are seperate from guys in my love life. i like a girl a lot. when i am around her all i think of is her. guys.. i am dating a number of them. they are all separated from each other.. i like to date people. a lot of people. you get into different modes, where tonight i want to lay in front of the tv and cuddle, so call this one.. tonight i want to go out late and drink and play pool.. so call this other one. right now i want to dance and flirt with a girl so call her.. i want to go on a walk and be active.. i will call this person. i like the variety.. it's my pepper. such a  preferred spice. they all like me back (cept the girl.. i have no idea.. i am meek around her and can't get a proper feel on how she feels about me.), but none of them like me enough to want to date only me. which i like and hate at the same time. i want one of them to want to date me and only me.. with no such luck.

here is the point where i get a little foggy..

i am sitting at work tonight.. doing my usual.. crosswords. a guy i have known for a couple years pokes his head in the front door and says hey.. so i take a break and go out for a smoke and chit chat. he starts telling me that he has something he wants to talk to me about. he wants to date me. only me. i am the one for him, and he has known it for a long time. he is at a point in his life where he wants to settle down with a good woman (which he seems to think i am) and move on with his life, and his chosen partner. The only problem is his chosen partner is ME. this is all news to me.. he asks me to think about it.. and says he wants to take me out, and treat me like gold, and all the proverbial "treat you great" idioms. i told him i would.

do i like him? yes
was i serious? no clue
am i settling?  no idea
do i think i would be happy? maybe
do i want to try? no clue
do i want to give up all my different spices? no
can he be all my spices in one person? i have no idea
if i don't think about trying it, will i always wonder if it could have been great? probably


i needs help

Not sure how many of you know... probably all of you.. but Mr. Peter Aguirre left monday for bootcamp. he is in Great Lakes, making himself a sailor. let's all give him our good thoughts to not cry like a bitch.

You would think a town of 158,000 people you would go out all the time and meet new people. And maybe you would see them around, and maybe you would never see them again. Such just does not seem to be the case. I went out the other night, and met a girl i think is cute. She's a good dancer, and (insert laundry list of qualities we like).. blah blah. so i tell her ( and i am HORRIBLE at this) that i think she's cute. She kinda says oh thanks, you're pretty.. but i didn't get a whole hearted feeling of genuine meaning behind that.. so im embarrassed. and im thinking oh crap.. now i can never go to the gay events in town again cause maybe i will run into this girl that really isn't feeling me and i will feel lame and awkward.. Great!

So i am at work today, and go to Aroma's to get some coffee.. and she's there. Oh not as a paying customer, or even one of the loyal Aroma's crew who hang out smoking too much at the RR tracks, she works there. Now i am feeling weird about even going to get coffee, cause i feel like an ass for telling her i was attracted in the first place. The positive side is that i got a smile and a  "hey you!" so maybe i wasn't too off-base to tell her. or maybe she's just being nice, and won't actually tell me that im not her type.. am i overanalyzing?