I hurry on as the icy nails of an arctic wind rips at my flesh. I seem to vibrate with the icy cold which now seems to emanate from my very bones.

Tears freeze on my cheek as I yearn for even a moments rest, even the most incidental reprieve from this bitter, bitter place but I know I must trudge on for I am afraid I'll be found here, a once living statue, frozen in this agonizingly cold moment in time. I call out in terror but there is no one to hear me, no help will come. I am in the coldest place on Earth, Heroin Withdrawal . . . .

I have written before about my struggles with self-victimizing behavior in the form of a long term addiction. I am pleased to announce that I am, today, clean and sober.

However, the correlation between female survivors of early childhood trauma and females with addiction issues is incredibly high.

To expect a survivor of trauma who is self-medicating her PTSD symptoms to stop using drugs without first treating her trauma is VERY much like expecting a person to discard his crutches when his legs are still broken --- ain't gonna happen . . . .

However, with the correct treatment there is hope.

Do not hesitate to contact The Birdsong Organization for support and a treatment center in your area. Keep your heads up sister-survivors, fellow recovering addicts and those still struggling with the symptoms of their PTSD. We are here to help, don't hesitate to make that call or email.

Have a blessed day,
Celeste

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Hello, Birdsong Ladies!

We here at Birdsong want to take a brief moment to wish you and your loved ones a happy holiday season!

As many of you know this is a very exciting time for our organization as we are finishing our certifications in Albany and are readying ourselves to begin fundraising!! In addition, we are taking this as an opportunity to announce some very exciting changes in the format of our weekly meetings.

( please click here read more about our December Meeting Schedule and Topics )

I ache for focus . . . . I'm always proud of our weekly meetings and the healing I am blessed to be a part of there.

My therapy is going well and I'm in the last 8 weeks of a slow twelve month taper from the opiate replacement medication Methadone. Im proud, but frustrated and scared.

Intellectually I know exactly what is occurring, during long term opiate addiction the brains endorphin receptors having been flooded with far more feel good chemicals than it was ever meant to hold, shut down and they don't turn back on when you stop using this is what creates withdrawal.

This brain chemistry reboot can take a very long time during which time the individual (that would be me) has a drop in serotonin and often feels malaise, depression, etc. until the brain resets itself which it can USUALLY do. So, I know why I feel not so great . . . .

In addition, I have some of the most attractive options that life has yet brought to me. A wonderful man, potentially marriage, a beautiful home, a career helping others with my background, so many good things and you know what Ive always done with good things, right?

Well, I am a self-victimizer . . . .

But PEOPLE CAN CHANGE, we're designed for adaptability. So, will the lovable and wiley Celeste overcome her past and claim the future she so richly deserves or will the evil and insidious demons of chaos and self-doubt claim her forever?

Stay tuned in for your next installment of, Recycling Paper Dolls!

The past weeks have certainly been some of the most difficult since I've begun recovery from my addiction . . . . .

I have nine months clean and recovering. Needless to say I've had to work very hard to implement changes in every facet of my life. I scarcely know where to begin. There are many, many positive changes and accomplishments in my recovery over the past nine months and I am truly grateful for the quality of life I enjoy today.

That said, I have had significant malaise and withdrawals as my treatment program slowly weans me off of the last of the opiate replacement medication (Methadone) and my anxiety levels have risen considerably.

I had always suffered anxiety attacks for which I had taken many medications and street drugs and which I now manage with meditation and holistics.)I try to simply remind myself of the long term goal that I am working towards and this helps to reinforce my boundaries.

I have felt increasingly frustrated as of late, partially because of the realization of just how much time and work it will take to accomplish many of my personal and professional goals. Not at all convenient since I want them, uhm, yesterday . . . . . .

I always suffer when I lack a defined goal and right now is such a transitional stage in my life its difficult to focus on one clearly defined brass ring. I know my need to share my writings and not having yet found the forum to do so has been eating away at me. I have began to seethe with my unspent creative energy. Energies meant to be born, not warehoused turn from creative to confounding, leaving me tormented and isolated. I have therefore made a commitment to myself to share my writings in a variety of ways and this (of course) is one.

As I move forward in my struggle to find this woman in my minds eye, this woman I have envisioned so long becoming, perhaps you will see something of you within my story, a bit of my struggle within your own spirit, a nugget of strength in another's will to survive and then the warmth of my healing has comforted another.

please do not remove

if you have any questions please read the groups mission statement, or feel free to contact us at the e-mail address and phone number provided

you can also contact the groups webmaster indifferenthues

thank you

Hello one and all! I hope that each and every one of you has had a wonderful and peace-filled Thanksgiving full of loved ones and many reminders of all you have for which to give thanks.

We all hear how difficult the holidays can be for those with mental illness, the depressed or the just plain lonely. Of course the obvious truth of this is glaring. When one feels unhappy being surrounded by enthusiastic shoppers scouting that perfect gift for that certain someone, the aromas of ginger and baking wafting from every shop and the sounds of joyful caroling can be a bit much . . . . .

That being said, I would like to invite you to come along with me on a journey. A journey back through time to a place when Christmas was a magical dream, a crescendo of torrential anticipations that began building in October and never waned an ounce till that dreamlike morning. This was the one enchanted opportunity when no childs wish went unfulfilled, no request too bold, no wish too extravagant to be thought unfulfillable.

The joy filled the air as if an intoxicating mist pervaded the room that none could see. I invite all of you to give yourselves and your families this ultimate gift of childlike wonderment and enjoyment this holiday season.

Recapture the warming glow of cocoa on a cold winters morning, the unrivaled joy of giving that a special gift for your loved one brings, and most of all allow the holiday season to fill you with a passion for your family that will live on throughout the year!

Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanzaa, Blessed Yule and a very very happy new year from our family here at BIRDSONG to yours . . . . . . . .

we try to keep the little sayings and affirmations we feature on the main page of Birdsong's website in tune with them.

We've just put up this one for autumn:



and we've linked it to a website called eLearners.com.

They are a free service that helps you search thru the thousands of online degrees, certificates & courses from online colleges and online universities, plus resources, articles and links about distance learning so you can start working on those "golden dreams".

Hope I'll be seeing quite a few of you at our meeting tonight.

Scientists Work on 'Trauma Pill'
A Pill to Fade Traumatic Memories? Scientists Are Working on It

by MARILYNN MARCHIONE Copyright 2006 The Associated Press

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory?id=1505941

Suppose you could erase bad memories from your mind. Suppose, as in a recent movie, your brain could be wiped clean of sad and traumatic thoughts.

That is science fiction. But real-world scientists are working on the next best thing. They have been testing a pill that, when given after a traumatic event like rape, may make the resulting memories less painful and intense.

( Read more... )

So what do you think? If it works as advertised would you take the pill? Why or why not?

X-Posted to abusedgrls, angels_fall, atouchlessface, once_addicted, ourhealingpath & transsiameeting