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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
5:14 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 32: First Season of the Santa, Part 3 Tiny Tinsel Pieces from the Season Another writing for the holiday season. Needless to say, being Santa is a job that comes with unusual experiences. These make it all worthwhile no matter how hot the suit gets. Here are some brief experiences. Enjoy. ***** One of the Santa’s, who I shall call, Joe, is not quite right in the head. He’s well intentioned but is a bit socially awkward. Rumor has it that is he used to have a Masters in mathematics until an auto accident damaged his mind. Now he lives in assisted living. Joe has been a Santa at Marshall Field’s for a few years now. They keep calling him back because he always comes in for his shifts and will work double shifts as well. He tries to kiss the elves and many parents mistake him for a drunk. Still Joe is a basically nice guy. The point, life dealt him a shitty hand and he still tries his best to be good to others. That’s class even if the elves are creeped out by the sight of a six-foot Santa trying to give them a peck on the cheek. ***** Speaking of the elves, they are the best thing in Santa’s arsenal. Without them Santa is nothing. They bring in visitors, usher them out, take the pictures, bring Santa water and tell Santa some good and naughty jokes (that are too naughty to print here). They are the unsung heroes of Santa’s village and have my undying gratitude. Thank you ladies. ***** Sometimes kids give me hugs at the end of their visits, sometimes without their parents telling them too. In either case the kids don’t seem to be the least bit redundant. That is something that generally, adults can’t bring themselves to do. Wouldn’t it be interesting if handshakes were replaced by hugs in this culture? ***** During one of my first nights as Santa, Garry visited me. Garry is a special little boy. He’s forty-something on the outside yet he still talks like a child. He's very much like Joe. Garry wanted me to see if Santa could help him be better. You see, Garry doesn’t have a girlfriend and others have been making fun of him for it. He lashes out at them sometimes. I told him not to worry and that Mrs. Claus was the only woman I ever dated or had eyes for. Garry seemed a little bit consoled. ***** Two brothers hopped up on my lap. Halfway during the visit I felt a vibration emit from the bottom of the one on my left knee. It was as I feared. The little blonde one had farted! When he left with his parents you could really smell it. My elves all the way across the room could smell it too. How could such a big smell come from such a tiny boy? ***** On a Sunday shift, I was working Marshall Field’s when my manager sent me over to the Santa House over at Daley Plaza to replace Joe, who thought he was having a heart attack (turns out he was just really dehydrated). Escorted by an elf, I walked through Marshall Field’s and a block-and-a-half over to Daley Plaza. All through Marshall Field’s kids and adults alike shouted, “Hi Santa!” and other such greetings. On the street kids would shout greetings from across the road and from crowds. The attention rocked. ***** Sitting on Santa Set #1, a man in his mid-thirties came in and asked me for a special favor. “Hi Santa, my older brother, who’s autistic, still believes in you. When he comes in can you tell him to be good for the rest of the year and to stop hitting our father?” Often I get parents or relatives that have special requests they whisper to me before their children see Santa. I’m always happy to oblige. When his brother came in accompanied by his parents I saw that he was six feet tall and the father was about five feet, three inches. Wherever he is, I hope this autistic man hasn’t given his father a concussion by now. ***** Last Thursday, I had an extended family visit me. The special black Santa they had requested had already left for the evening so they were sent to me, and the elves were instructed that their photo packages were to be free. They were a very kind family and I had fun with them. At the end of the visit one of the dads shook my hand and I felt and heard a crinkle in my palm. It was money! When they were out of view I looked down at my hand expecting a five. It was a twenty! Sir, come back and visit me anytime! ***** Also, last Thursday at the beginning of my shift, a manager informed me that someone from a local NPR affiliate was coming to interview me and record a couple of my visits. When I was in full Santa gear a young woman from the radio station explained that her producer would be coming by to conduct the interview and if his superior felt like it, I would be called in within the next few days to come down to the station to record a follow up interview. The producer showed up and I asked in my Santa voice, if he wanted to interview me as Santa, or, shifting back into my normal tone, if he wanted to interview the regular me. Regular me was fine and everything went as planned. I still haven’t received the call for a follow up yet though. Maybe tomorrow. ***** Some kids come in and request unusual things that are very personal. They warned you of this in Santa training. I only got one from a regular child this year. A little girl of about seven asked if I could make it so that her great, great grandmother could make it though Christmas alive this year. I smiled and gave her our standard Santa answer, “I’ll see what I can do.” What else could I say? ***** Those are just some of the people and things I experience as Santa. Hope you enjoyed this little series. Maybe they’ll be more next year. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Books/Publications: From Hell by Alan Moore & Eddie Campbell Websites: BBC News, http://news.bbc.co.uk/ Music: The Beatles: Please, Please Me Movies/DVDs: Mr. Show: Seasons 1-4 (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
5:07 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 31: First Season of the Santa, Part 2 Last time it was part of the why. This time it is part of the what and how. Another writing for the holiday season. Jason, you lucky motherfucker! How do you do it? How do you transform into Santa Jason? Method acting? Pretend I’m a type of animal? Have a secret “want?” Nope. No you silly brainwashed performers. I just dress up and change my voice. It’s sort of like Batman only the kids aren’t dressed as Robin and they don’t get beat on or taken hostage by supervillains. It all starts when I walk into Marshall Field’s and ascend to the fifth floor. I walk around the corner from the elevators and knock on the magical office. One of the managers there hands me my magic box. It’s numbered 108 and I’ve never had any other box like it. I take little 108 out onto the sales floor and approach the Cozy Cloud Cottage entrance. I veer to the right and type in the code for the Santa entrance and then walk through Santa Set #3 and type in the code for the Magical Santa Transformation Room. The Magical Santa Transformation Room is about 5 feet deep by 7feet wide. Add in a table, a couple of footstools, a chair and the Special Santa Closet and it gets smaller. About three Santas can change in there at a time but usually it is just one Santa at a time. Along with my magic 108 box, the Magical Santa Transformation Room contains everything you could possibly need to become the big ol’ jolly elf himself. In the closet are the numbered Santa jackets, coats and belts. Each has a number that corresponds to one’s magic box. On the table is a box of Kleenex, hand sanitizer, cold cream (for removing any makeup at the end of the Santa adventure), a basket for trash, wet wipes and a CD player which plays Christmas Carols over the Cozy Cloud Cottage operation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to put in my own music on. Imagine a line full of anxious kids waiting to see Santa hearing Ben Folds, Weezer or a Bob Dylan song about the establishment! By the time they get to see Santa they may want something different for Christmas. Once situated in the Magical Santa Transformation Room, I strip down and put on my red Santa pants. I take out my spats from magic 108 and put them over my feet, ankles and calves, tucking my crimson pant legs into them. The spats are white and fuzzy at the top and black vinyl the rest of the way down with a strap to pull over the bottom of the boots we’re required to wear. It is supposed to make our boots look like Santa’s boots but in actuality is the ugliest part of the Santa ensemble. Next, I take the white greasepaint stick from 108 and, starting at the outermost part of my eyebrows, whiten them up. After I’m done a quarter of my eyebrow is usually left on the stick. I then take my white t-shirt stuffed with my square pillow and put it on, pulling my Santa pants up over the bottom third of my Santa belly. After that I put on the Santa jacket and zip it up followed by the Santa beard, wig, hat, white gloves and glasses, all of which come from 108. The beard is my least favorite part of my costume. Its hairs often get in my mouth and make it difficult to get a drink of water between visits. All that’s left is to wait for an elf or manager to come get me for the Santa switch and then I start my Magical Santa day. Each visit I ask the kids what they want for Christmas, have they been good and I give everybody in their party a red button that says, “I saw Field’s Santa 2004.” During most visits, a picture is taken and sometimes even a video. The worst is small children under four. Most of them are frightened of Santa and will cry their hearts out. At least twice every shift we get one or two parents that will insist, no matter how hard the kid cries that the picture must be taken. This stretches out a two minute visit to ten minutes. This is where I feel the most helpless. I have no idea what to say or suggest, to the child or the parents. These parents are brainless and need to have their children taken away from them. At the end of the shift I take off all the junk, use the cold cream to remove the whitener from my eyebrows, take 108 back to the office and sign out. There you have it. Santa demystified. Stay tuned as next time I’ll have some funny bits and stories for you about the whole experience. So be good, don’t steal and pay your fair share of the rent because I’m watching. Books/Publications: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Absolute Edition, Vol. 1 Websites: Get Fuzzy http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/ Music: Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits, Vol. 2, Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3 Movies: The Incredibles, Glengarry Glen Ross (Comment on this)
Monday, December 6th, 2004
10:06 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 30: First Season of the Santa, Part 1 Lawn Trolls and dead brothers who aren’t there, Or Why I’m dressed in red, white and beard. A writing for the holiday season. Hello fuckers and Seasons Greetings! Greetings to those who improvise and greetings to those fuckers that make money off them without passing down a cent. Greetings to the males and plain-jane improvisers and greetings to the fuckers who give less-capable-but-more-“endowed” improvisers a shot at their stage. It’s Christmas 2004. I’m not pessimistic; just realistically cynical. There’s a difference. The year has been a weird one for me. Theater owners kissing my ass then turning wicked. Evil habitat-mates stealing and skipping out on paying their fair share of dwelling rent only to be defended by blonde Aryans in dull armor. People keeping up old traditions but cannot accept the new until ten paying strangers do. Bosses drunkenly admitting that you’re the closest thing to their dead brother yet always looking over your shoulder. 2004 has given me good things too but has mainly helped me move into a cynical observer. Why do moths want to fly to so many flames instead of beating their wings by just one or two flickers? Why do so many pies get put in the oven before they’re ready to be baked? Why do the little kiddies stay in one back yard with a rabid lawn gnome, its two drooling guard wolves and John Mellencamp? The Lawn Gnome must be watched from the moment you step in the yard. One moment it compliments you on your playing the next she decides you aren’t dressed well enough for the sandbox. Will a good man or woman stand up to its rudeness? Please? The Lawn Gnome had the audacity to cut in front of me in Bed, Bath and Beyond. For that alone it should be moved out next to the fire hydrant with its two drooling guard wolves. At least the Gnome isn’t the crazy old man of the neighborhood who lives down the street and makes people play over televised devices and latches on to the three or four visitors a day trying to lick the female ones. He’s got a cot in his basement that’s not for sleeping and he really needs to be castrated with a rusty pair of Dura Shears. Didn’t expect this from a man who assumes the persona of Santa this time of year? That’s why I need it folks. Go back to 2002, or 2003 or wherever. I dare ya. It was a better time when you first got here. Right? You were more trusting of people and policies in this community where we make interactions out of thin air in nanoseconds. You were a young worker bee. You buzzed around the yard and didn’t care about Gnomes, the bullies, the people who played you for a place to reside. You just accepted and lost your voice. When time passed in this community where we make interactions out of thin air in nanoseconds you got to see more sides of more people. Some of those sides were brilliant and unexpected. Some were dishonest and even more unexpected. People can and will say it’s the same or even better than when they got here. They’re doing more projects and working with more collaborators. They’re also seeing the oily gears in the clock tower and getting to listen to the ticking from the inside. Ticking from the inside can make you sick. Yes? Oh yeah, why do I need some Santa in my life. A few extra bucks. A new experience. Therapy. For three to five hours a day, about three times a week I get to see people that are more innocent in their life perceptions than I was of the community where we make interactions out of thin air in nanoseconds in 2002. These are children. They ask why my belt is too big and I reply in a jolly voice because I’m a big man. They ask why am I big? I tell them all those milk and cookies boys and girls leave out for me. A little boy laughs and tells me I eat too much. I laugh a good natured, “HO! HO! HO!” right back at him. I like it when kids sometimes say “thank you” without parental prompting after I give them a small candy cane or a Marshall Fields button that says, “I saw Field’s Santa 2004.” A little one is about to leave Santa’s throne room when she or he decides to turn around, run back to St. Nick and give him a hug. Kids that actually clean their room(!) It’s hard to be grumpy when so many nice people come to see you. I’m not just referring to kids. An elderly couple came in to take a picture with me for their Christmas cards and as part of their 60th wedding anniversary. Women my age and older come in all the time without kids just to see Santa. They often like to link arms with me when they have their picture taken. Couples around my age come visit too. In this situation when I ask the woman what she wants for Christmas she almost always asks for an engagement ring which makes it a tad awkward for the guy. I always ask him what he wants right after I ask the gal in these situations to see what his answer or retort is. People seem to take life less seriously when they come to see Santa. There’s no twenty-year old bespectacled dork who is still in diapers vomiting back what the community where we make interactions out of thin air in nanoseconds in 2002 tells you before you realize most of it constricts rather than frees. If you little bastards are really good, Santa Jason will tell you more about his season. I’ll tell you about my excursion to the Daley Center, I’ll tell you about the pretty elves and I may tell you about “Joe”. Yes, I most definitely should tell you about him. Merry Christmas and be good to each other. Even be good to the Lawn Gnome but feel free to kick the blond Aryan defenders, especially ones who don’t smile. Books/Publications: Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris Websites: Pearls Before Swine http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/index.html Music: Ray Charles: Ultimate Hits Collection Movies: Ray Live Performances: NONE (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2004
3:17 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 29: The Tragedy of “Yes and…” ”When asked how he spent his time away from the camera, Marlon had this to say: "People ask that a lot," he told reporters. "They say, 'What did you do while you took time out ?' - as if the rest of my life is taking time out. But the fact is, making movies is time out for me because the rest, the nearly complete whole, is what's real for me. I'm not an actor and haven't been for years. I'm a human being - hopefully a concerned and somewhat intelligent one - who occasionally acts."” -Marlon Brando, as quoted on the IMDB. I’m getting sick of watching improv shows. People warned me of burnout with all the improv classes, improv internships, and improv shows I do. I’m just getting plain bored with viewing made up on the spot comedy. Sure there are some exceptions such as TJ & Dave and 4 Square but not much else. I still like learning about it, performing it, but not really watching it. It’s very much akin to snowfall. When it first descends it can be very beautiful. Something graceful to watch and admire. When it becomes a blizzard you have a wall of nothing but white. Very few patches stand out and you can not see the violent effect it has. After the snowfall it just becomes more filth on the ground. “See my show!” “No, my show!” “No, it’s my show’s last night! You must see my show!” So many flyers. So many postings on message boards in conflict to be listed at the top. “Come see my 5B show!” “See my new Harold team doing their first ever set!” “Watch my Playground team!” “Aren’t you coming to my Skybox show on Saturday night?!” Welcome to a saturated market people. car·ry·ing capacity (k r - ng) n. 1. The maximum number of persons or things that a vehicle or a receptacle can carry: a van with a carrying capacity of 12. 2. Ecology. The maximum number of individuals that a given environment can support without detrimental effects. More and more I see slim audiences for shows in the improv community. Ever read the essay The Tragedy of the Commons? “The tragedy of the commons develops in this way. Picture a pasture open to all. It is to be expected that each herdsman will try to keep as many cattle as possible on the commons. Such an arrangement may work reasonably satisfactorily for centuries because tribal wars, poaching, and disease keep the numbers of both man and beast well below the carrying capacity of the land. Finally, however, comes the day of reckoning, that is, the day when the long-desired goal of social stability becomes a reality. At this point, the inherent logic of the commons remorselessly generates tragedy. As a rational being, each herdsman seeks to maximize his gain. Explicitly or implicitly, more or less consciously, he asks, "What is the utility to me of adding one more animal to my herd?" This utility has one negative and one positive component. 1. The positive component is a function of the increment of one animal. Since the herdsman receives all the proceeds from the sale of the additional animal, the positive utility is nearly +1. [Thus, presuming the existence of a monetary relation between human beings.] 2. The negative component is a function of the additional overgrazing created by one more animal. Since, however, the effects of overgrazing are shared by all the herdsmen, the negative utility for any particular decision making herdsman is only a fraction of -1. Adding together the component partial utilities, the rational herdsman concludes that the only sensible course for him to pursue is to add another animal to his herd. And another.... But this is the conclusion reached by each and every rational herdsman sharing a commons. Therein is the tragedy. Each man is locked into a system that compels him to increase his herd without limit — in a world that is limited. Ruin is the destination toward which all men rush, each pursuing his own best interest in a society that believes in the freedom of the commons. Freedom in a commons brings ruin to all.” -The Tragedy of the Commons, Garrett Hardin I’m not saying we have no right to promote our shows I’m also not saying we shouldn’t have freedom, but we may need tougher standards for ourselves. Maybe we should schedule our shows at venues after we’ve worked on them. I see so many people performing shows that could have been so much better because they’re anxious to get the performance space before anybody else snatches it up. This way of thinking has people rushing their product onto the improv/sketch market before it’s ready and it often results in mediocrity. In my experience, groups that rehearse their improv or sketch for at least two months before going up have a tighter show, as opposed to people just getting their space, rehearsing for two weeks and putting on an okay set. I’m more than happy to support a friend’s show or even help promote a friends show (or a show I believe in) but I’d rather try different things with my nights off. Since I moved out here in July 2002, I’ve seen so much improv and I just need to do something else, and do it more often, with my leisure time. Is improv a market that will collapse? Is it just ebb and flow? Has the boom of the eighties and nineties started to dry up? We’re still an esoteric art form outside of Chicago. Believe it or not we are cryptic to many Chicago citizens too. So many shows and performers to witness. Only the true fanatics can keep up with the majority of them. Improv is a big part of my life and it is what I moved out here to study but it’s not everything. I have a day job, a decent paying day job. Some people in the improv community don’t for various reasons. If you’re constantly auditioning for day projects I can understand, but if you just do improv at night and on the weekends then try your hand at a forty hour a week job. Don’t become a person in a part time that grows curmudgeonly or rude because it’s their only means of support. Get a life! If you have the time get a full time day job or two part times jobs. A career that takes you away from improv for a fraction of the week can be refreshing. Only for one week a year do I get a chance to evade improv. That week is usually the period when I fly home for Christmas. This year I’m adding a week or two. I’m following the advice of teachers and past coaches and getting out to experience life further. It’s always important to do so, no matter what your profession. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Transmetropolitan: Filth of the City Websites: The essay The Tragedy of the Commons can be found in it’s entirety here, http://greatchange.org/ov-hardin,tragedy_of_commons.html Music: Elvis Costello & the Attractions: Blood & Chocolate, Nick Lowe: Pure Pop for Now People Movies: The Triplets of Belleville Live Performances: NONE Current Mood: bored (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
12:14 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 28: Guest Column by Jennifer Hawkins This column/entry I'm stepping back to let 1995 UMass, Amherst graduate, Jennifer Hawkins take the spotlight. Jennifer wrote this essay as a response to an earlier column I wrote called "Get the Fuck Out of Dodge!" Enjoy and...Keep Treadin'. Out of Dodge By Jennifer D. Hawkins, '95 – theater My Dodge was Revere, Massachusetts. And I knew I had to get out. I had graduated from UMASS Amherst in the spring of 1995 and returned to my mother’s home in Revere. I remember that day on the long drive east down the Pike, with all my belongings stuffed into the back of my Uncle’s pickup truck, I pressed my hand against the warm glass of the truck’s window and watched all the trees going the wrong way. I felt like I was going backwards. In Revere, everything seemed much smaller and even more boring than I had remembered. And I had no idea what to do. Having been a theater major, I had eschewed the normal route of internships and resume preparation. Indeed, I was quite ignorant of it all. I had always assumed my path would lead elsewhere. But I had never anticipated it would be so difficult to get on my path. For the past 16 years, life had been ordered and neat. Go to school. Get good grades. Validation came in the form of letters on a piece of paper. I had always had a purpose. It was all simple. Even though life at UMASS was far more free and flexible than life had been in high school and grade school, the purpose was still there – go to school and get good grades. Do your best. The rest will fall into place. But now that school was over, the rest was not falling into place. And the purpose was gone. I knew I wanted to be an actress but I had no idea how. The UMASS theater department had done a poor job of preparing me for life as an actress – or life in the real world at all. I was tremendously ill-equipped. I would sit in the living room and read the want ads in the Boston Globe. Nothing interested me. And worse, I wasn’t qualified for anything. Nobody seemed interested in a college grad that could act, focus lights, and intelligently discuss theater history. I tried to get myself excited at the prospect of finding some sort of entry level office job, though I suspected I did not even have the qualifications for that. But still, I tried to envision myself wearing a sharp black suit and boarding the T. I would carry my heels in a little beige canvas bag while I wore snow boots or sneakers for the duration of my commute. I would get off the T at Aquarium or Government Center and walk to my office through the wet cobblestones of the Boston streets. I had seen lots of ladies do this all the years that I lived in the Boston area. I knew becoming one of these ladies was what was expected of me and what would make my family happy. But would I be happy? I knew in my heart the answer was no. I had known since I was a child that I needed to act. And no matter how much I tried to be one of those suit-wearing ladies, I couldn’t. Soon spring faded and come winter, I was still staring at the want ads as the snow silently piled outside my Mother’s house. In the meantime I had gone and gotten myself a job at the Gap. Just as a salesperson. They had rejected me for the manager’s position. I had also found myself an “agent” for the Boston scene. Though, she ended up not doing much of anything for me and later in LA, I would look back and laugh at the fact that she even called herself an agent. I also got a regular gig in dinner theater that paid well and was at least kind of fun. I joined Stage Source and eagerly called the hotline EVERY Monday morning for the new audition announcements for the Boston area. I went to the theater and became involved in everything I could find in Boston that had anything at all to do with acting. But all in all, nothing was really happening for me. I would hear my mother on the phone with various family members. She would lower her voice in response to the big “What is Jennifer doing” question so that I would not hear. But I heard her anyway making excuses for me and telling everyone that I was “considering my options”. It seemed that the first member of the family to graduate from college was turning out to be a big disappointment. My aunt called me and advised me that I should try to get into cleaning houses. She could get me a job at the maid company where she had worked if I wanted. I knew something had to change. In January of 1996, I drove to Logan Airport one day while my Mother was at work and I bought a one-way plane ticket to Los Angeles. I was so frightened that I had to grip the counter to keep from falling down as I spoke to the airline employee. (No internet tickets back in those days, kids!) When I told my Mother that night what I had done, she screamed at me. Then she refused to speak to me at all for several weeks. In March of 1996, less than a year after I had graduated from UMASS, I had saved up $3,000.00. I boarded a plane to Los Angeles and vowed to make my way, not only as an actress but as a person who refused to be defined by traditional expectations. I rejected the vision of my carrying heels as I rode the T and made everyone happy but myself. To be happy, I had to act and I knew that the only way to make that happen was to go to LA. And so I did. Nothing since has been easy. And really, I mean nothing. I do not know if I made the right decision. But seven years later, I am still here. I traveled 3,000 miles away from home all by myself. I had no friends or family in LA. I remember when I landed at LAX. I looked around at all the people and at how big the airport was. Nobody was at the gate to meet me. And I was terrified. LA is not a welcoming place – particularly for actors. I found that virtually nothing I had learned as a theater major at UMASS proved useful or relevant. I had to figure everything out on my own – the hard way. But I overcame most of the hurdles presented to young, inexperienced, unconnected actors. I got an agent. I eventually got a manager. I got auditions. I made it into SAG. And I even got some work. I made friends, too. Most of them were actors, models, singers, and comedians. I fell in love. Then I got my heart broken. And eventually, I got a cat. I have run two marathons in LA. I have seen dolphins and gone snorkeling in Catalina. I have played in the waves of San Diego and seen the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. I skied in Tahoe and I have gone to Vegas several times. I have been on every major studio lot in LA at least once in one capacity or another. I have been on television. I worked at MTV for a year. I’ve gone to parties with famous people. I’ve had some amazing acting coaches that have changed me for the better as an actor and as a person. I studied improvisation at the Groundlings Theater. I performed on stage at the El Rey Theater. None of that would have happened had I stayed in Dodge. But I get lonely. I miss my family, especially as my family grows older. Often, I wonder if I made the right decision and what life would be like had I stayed home. I think life would have been much easier. But I also think it would have been much less exciting. And I would not have grown as much as a person or have become as strong as I have had I played it safe. I often feel that my heart is in the steepled red bricked corridors of Boston. But my soul is in the electric free visage of Los Angeles. Even after seven years I am still astonished by the menacing facets of LA. It is a harsh city and sometimes I feel like I might drown. Sometimes I even still get lost. But I am equally astonished when in January, I don shorts and a tank top and drive about 10 minutes to Hollywood where I go hiking in the hills. It is 85 degrees and I pause on the trail to rest and to look up at the white Hollywood sign that looks so close I could almost touch it. And I smile. I went after my dream and nobody can ever take that away from me. A lot of people have dreams. But not a lot of people have the courage to do what it takes to accomplish their dreams. By the way, my mother eventually forgave me for moving to LA. I think she might even be a little proud. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: The Art of Walter Simonson Websites: Next Monday http://www.nextmonday.org/, Troop http://www.troopdotcom.com/troopmain.htm Music: The Beatles: Abby Road Movies: Big Fish Live Performances: Chicago Sketchfest (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 1st, 2004
4:32 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 27: "Should Auld Acquaintance be Forgot..." 2004: I’m Back. “Where the hell have you been?!” “You son of a bitch, you promise this weekly journal/column about improv and your experiences in Chicago and then you just up and disappear?! What’s up with that?!” “Jason Czernich couldn’t do it. Couldn’t commit. Big surprise.” I’ll admit it readers. I got lazy. I began taking classes at Annoyance, in addition to ImprovOlympic, and Second City —not to mention I was working internships to pay for two of these schools. The occasional show commitment popped up as well. It got to the point where I really needed some rest. I will not lie to you jilted reader. There were times when I felt like I should just quit this column and avoid its mention at parties and random encounters on the street. I felt I could slip it past you all. I can’t. The Gods have returned and they want me to write. Not without some new rules kiddies. I used to say this was a weekly thing but this will be more like writings when inspiration strikes me. If I’m not stricken at least two times a month then I’m really in uninspired. You see, I’ve realized the more rules you put on your creativity, especially in the first draft stage, the more good beasts you rule out. Some of the best ideas can be too easily swept aside at that point in the process. Let it spill out and you can always mop the along the edges later. Keeping with this new fashion I will try not to be so formal with format and subject matter. I’m currently meandering away from formalities in my improv and whenever I do in class and shows it seems to help my flow. It’s feeling, not thinking that helps get me there. Feeling is something I sometimes alienate myself from in my civilian life so I try and embrace it in performance. In the time since I last wrote one of these things I’ve been unemployed, started a new 9-5 job (more on that sometime), and have graduated from ImprovOlympic (IO). I still continue to take classes there, and at Annoyance. Even though I was placed on a performance team after my IO graduation show I knew I still need to learn from more improv teachers. I also like studying with new folks. I find that they constantly teach me new ideas as well. If you want to continue with a creative pursuit why stop your education when your one year program is over? I can understand if you need a break, can’t afford it, or are doing it just for a hobby. What if you want to do it long term? What if you want to get better? If you graduate from IO, regardless of if you made one of those revered team spots, see if there are anymore teachers that you didn’t have the first time. Go back and try them. You can learn things from a different perspective and that will give you more methods and creative choices in your performances. So far I’ve retaken Level 2 at IO with Susan Messing and Level 3 with Peter Gwinn. My original teachers for these levels were fantastic but I know that Peter Gwinn will teach me things that Al Samuels wouldn’t even think of when I had him for Level 3 almost a year ago and vice versa. Expose yourself to many points of view and eventually your voice as a performer will emerge. Writers read all sorts of things; filmmakers watch many kinds of films. Improvisors that grow watch, take classes, and rehearse. Also, get out and experience life, one of the best pieces of advice given to me since I came out to Chicago. It gives more to base your work on and takes the pressure off in general. Well, not bad for a return. Hopefully we’ll be talking again soon. Keep treadin'. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Absolute Edition, Vol. 1 and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 2 Websites: C & R Research, http://www.crresearch.com/ Music: Eagles: Very Best of Movies: Bad Santa Live Performances: Armando Diaz Presents the Mosaic at ImprovOlympic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 11th, 2003
3:22 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 26: Directors Have you ever been on a project that you just don’t believe in? Ever been attached to a creative project with a director who just seems to be tuning you out? There are two options to chose from; 1. Stick it out. Some people consider this the wisest course of action. It can be the most quietly frustrating technique but it is best in the long run because fewer toes get stepped on. If you don’t like how the production is going just shut up and say nothing. No matter how wrong you think your director is don’t communicate it, especially in rehearsals. Let it roll off your back. Worst thing is you’ll get let go. Best thing may be you’ll just finish the production without a snag. Or 2. Let your director know what’s up. I usually prefer option 1, but there have been times I feel like my director doesn’t know how to communicate or listen. Actually Option #2 is not really an option because you certainly can’t criticize a director in front of the cast and in private he/she may just be listening to humor you. But doesn’t it irritate you when they can’t pay attention or be in touch with others? Case in point, there was an improvised scene at a recent improv rehearsal I was at that had the two characters in it stealing cases of jelly. In this scene, Improviser #1 talked about how his character was always being passed over by his boss and how he felt about it. Improviser #2 took that scene initiation but also started to talk about the physical act that they were doing, something that the director emphasized they not do in their scenes. After the scene was done, the director criticized the improvisers on how the scene was completely about their physical act of stealing jelly and that there was nothing else there! Why was the director oblivious to Improviser #1’s initiation of his character wanting to be appreciated more for his work? Was the director just not listening? One can only imagine how those improvisers must have felt to see the good points of their work ignored. Myths About Directors Directors always know more about performing than you do. A good deal of the time your director will have more experience and will have more knowledge of the field. Not always. Don’t walk away from every rehearsal thinking that an incompetent director knows more and is therefore right. Just be secure enough to know that they have a different way of looking at the creative process than you do. It is not right, but not necessarily wrong either. Don’t get confrontational about anything. ”Look at all this experience in the director’s bio! They’ve worked at so many places. They must know something!” Yeah, they may brag about having worked at so many performing venues but why did they leave long running gigs? They could have been fired at these places and are just listing them for credentials. You never know. Check these credentials if you can. Ask around and if possible look online. It is good to know who you’re working with so that you can adapt to their strengths and weaknesses. ”If we part on bad circumstances you’re through in this town!” Word does get around but there is more than one theater in town and each theater has its own community that comes with it that interlocks into a much larger community with the other theaters in it’s district. Depending upon the “bad circumstances” you can find work again. Fallen angels can rise and it’s not as bad as it all seems. I’ve even seen autobiographical plays about out of work actors finding the road back. Never say never. Tips for Terrible Directors Call me angry, but this is a little list of what I think would make a terrible director improve. This is from years of auditioning, performing, and observing & listening to other actors and how they feel about the directors they’ve worked with or auditioned for. Most directors I’ve encountered know their profession well and consider the following common sense. The following bits and pieces are only my ramblings aimed towards the relatively incompetent few. Don’t make the actor feel small at auditions. Actors are there to show you their personality and talent. Please don’t shit all over them and do childish things like play around with their full name at auditions repeating it several times because you like the sound of it. It only makes the person auditioning feel uncomfortable as well as making you look like a total moron to everybody in the room. Save that for when you have worked with them a bit. Performers make a sincere effort to be liked at auditions. You should too. Word does tend get around but for some reason directors more than actors seem to be gossiped about. Hmmm. I wonder why? Constructive Criticism works. Get the facts accurate. Make certain the critique is appropriate. Don’t knock down an actor just to feel in charge. Art is not a democracy but it shouldn’t be a dictatorship either. Communicate If you have to speak to an actor with bad news, try the phone or in person. It’s just more professional and more adult. If they send you an e-mail respond with more than one word. Listen. Listen. Listen. This is most important. See the above “jelly scene”. What’s most important to all parties involved is to be patient. Performers and directors all have their own unique visions. Bitterness and hatred toward other people ultimately gets you nowhere and can have a negative impact on your work. If you’re angry then exercise, write, read, or sleep. Do anything positive or creative to work it out of your system. The best directors and improvisers I’ve worked with are extremely kind hearted people who like to be pleasant. That’s my steam letting for this week. Keep Treadin’! WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Live Performances: T.J. & Dave at The ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
5:10 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Entry 25: Spring Wanting to learn the ways of improv and grow, young Jason Czernich saved up his money, packed up his things, forgot his fears, and set out for Chicago, the home of improv, to study the art of improvisation. These are his thoughts and experiences. Spring fluctuates in Chicago. It will be chilly on a Monday, Tuesday will feel like a mild summer day, and then it will switch twice more between the two points of view before the weekend arrives. Isn’t it like that most places where both temperatures are possible? Monday it was indeed warm out. Not too warm but just the right temperature where no jacket was needed. The spring warmth has a scent to it. Something spotless that you just can’t get from the cold winter air. Even in a city you can smell it. No matter how flawed a person’s winter was I believe the scent of spring makes life more acceptable. When a season changes, particularly this transformation of the year, it’s a great time to look back on what you’ve done and an even better time to anticipate what you are planning for the future. What are you planning Jason? What is your goal? What are you up to? I love it when people ask me that question. I simply love it. The more I know the person and the closer that are to my chosen field it what makes it even sweeter. It’s something that I like to savor if the moment allows. What am I up to? What’s in the field of improv that holds my attention? It’s time to meander. I’ll fill you in on my life inside and outside of improv. On the job front I’ve gone to work for the American Society for Clinical Pathology (ASCP) as a Project Coordinator. I started out there as a temp in January, filling in for young woman who was on maternity leave. I answered phones, sent faxes, form letters, the usual. One month into my temporary assignment there and my kind boss, Renee, took personal leave. This left me the only person over in the Certificant Activities department of the ASCP for at least three weeks until they sent another temp from my agency to assist with the phones. Of all the jobs I’ve worked out here in Chicago, this one has the friendliest environment and I get along with the other people here so well. In fact, I get along with people here so much I’ll be starting as a full time permanent employee on April 18th. It will be nice to have health and dental insurance again. It will be pleasant to go to a dentist and not have to drain all the cash out of my wallet for a cleaning. My living situation has changed. Since March 1st I’ve been living in a larger space with my friend Tim from my improv classes. My new roommate is not as strange as my old one but he has his quirks. All roommates do. From what I observe, Tim’s hobbies include; beer, cereal, and watching cable television, particularly the ongoing news coverage of the current war. Tim insists he will find a job eventually but so far he’s been here exactly one month and has been on exactly one job interview. He says he’s looking but employers aren’t. Well, what are you going to do? Classes are going just fine. I’m currently in Level 1A of the Second City’s Conservatory Program and Level 4 at The ImprovOlympic (IO). In 1A at Second City I’m working with the same people from Level 1. The program tries to keep the same people together as an ensemble through all the levels. I am going through with a very competent group that knows how to support the other player(s). We do all sorts of fun scenes and exercises and we bond nicely with each other, going out for beers after class. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved most of my other classes but I’ve never had an improv class out here that has come quite as solid as we have when it comes to working as a team. Our instructor is Tim O’Malley, who has performed on Second City Mainstage with Chris Farley, was in the Bonnie Hunt directed movie, Return to Me and has done theater and film at other venues around the world. Tim is very comfortable in the classroom and will give it to you straight. If he doesn’t like something in your scene he’ll side coach or just let you know about it afterwards. At the same time he’s very supportive and helps you develop characters that you can pull out later. Tim is a true professional and I’m very glad I got the chance to study under him. Over at IO, my Level 4 instructor is Paul Grondy. The first time I saw Paul was when I was a junior at UMass, Amherst. The IO Road Show came to teach workshops and perform. Among the performers were, Liz Allen, Christina Gausas, and Paul. It was my first brush with long form improv and ImprovOlympic and I loved it. When I came to Chicago in June for a preview visit of the city I visited IO for the first time and it was Monday night, Armando night. Paul was playing and I immediately recognized him from four years earlier. After seeing Paul perform in the Armando and with Carl and the Passions, I wanted to take a class with him and Level 4 at IO was the perfect opportunity to do just that. In the classroom, Paul has us concern ourselves with honesty and responding naturally first. This flips a switch in the consciousness of the class and suddenly the pressure is off. Better scene work floods right out of me and my classmates. Whenever a teacher has us do an honesty exercise, or a round of scenes where we are told to respond as we would in real life I just go on autopilot and it just allows me do fun and exciting, scene work. What else is up with me now? Well, I’m doing a rehearsal for an improv show right now. I’m keeping this project under wraps because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be with it. In fact, that’s the situation with a few others in the cast as well. Our director has the habit of cutting off improvised scenes before they can get off the ground. He doesn’t side coach or even wait to give you notes after the scene. He cuts you off and won’t let you continue the scene so that discoveries can be made. Sometimes he even contradicts his own rules of play. In improv there are exceptions to every rule but not contradictions that come up everytime. It’s frustrating for me and other cast mates. I can understand if you are doing unimprovised, straightforward acting but this is detrimental to the improv process. How can a performer get through a scene if their main obstacle is the director? It’s a rehearsal process that I’m not really enjoying and everybody seems to feel the tension emanating whenever the director feels the need to halt a performer’s scene. One night the director even hassled a performer between scenes and to this day nobody knows if he was joking or if he just briefly flipped out. I personally find this director insecure and untrusting of others. A production is not a democracy but it should not be a dictatorship either, especially when it’s supposed to be improv. I’m going to stick with it, as are the other people on this production but this director has strongly indicated to the cast that he may be making some changes very soon. I’m not really a quitter but if he takes me off this production I would not mind a bit. Actually, I’d love it. I can find the fun with most productions but the brand of improv he has us doing often limits our choices, destroys any chance of discoveries, and takes the magic out of improv for me period. It’s too premeditated to the point where I’m not even sure if it’s improv anymore. That’s life for now. Keep treadin’. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Zen in the Art of Archery by Eugen Herrigel Movies: The Sopranos: The Complete Second Season Live Performances: Altantis presents: Orange at ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
9:27 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 24: Auditions and You Wanting to learn the ways of improv and grow, young Jason Czernich saved up his money, packed up his things, forgot his fears, and set out for Chicago, the home of improv, to study the art of improvisation. These are his thoughts and experiences. Auditions are always terrifying. They are always the worst part about being a performer. Always whimper in fear from them. If anybody you know insists the above statements are true then tell them they are full of shit. Really. Can auditions be scary? Yes. Do they always have to be? No. Back in college we had a Q and A session with a guest lecturer. He asked what our impressions of auditions were. Some of the usual suspects from the theater department's student body answered the question with responses like, “Stressful.”, “Nerve racking.” and similar answers. I begged to differ. My answer was that auditions could be fun if one kept an open mind about it. It’s your time to show people what you’ve got. The other vocal students in the room thought I was nuts. One even questioned my sanity but I still stood by my answer. Why? Because having fun takes the edge off of audition worries. Early on in my college years I learned to be myself and just have fun at auditions. Nobody casts people who feel uncomfortable on stage. Following the advice of auditors and college professors to “loosen up”, I found that I got called back for more auditions on campus and off campus. If you are well prepared then an audition can be a great thing indeed. Have fun and look at it as playing time, an extra chance to practice performing in front of an audience—even if that audience consists of just a few people. Go in with a warm smile and make the most of it. Getting cast is simply a bonus! Be smart and bring a headshot and your acting resume, even if you’re trying out for college theatre where it’s not always required. When you do this it; gives you more time to warm yourself up. Why spend a long time filling out audition forms with lists of shows and parts you’ve done when a simple, “See Resume” can save you a lot of writing? When you hand a resume and headshot to the people running auditions it makes you look more professional and serious in their eyes. Even if you don’t get cast by a director they will have your image and resume on file and could possibly contact you for future projects. Also, being nice helps. Try being polite to the people running the auditions and to the people auditioning with you can just lighten the mood. You’re all in there for a long time, some longer than others, so you might as well be pleasant to be around. I’ve been to auditions where actors complain about the long wait and get irritable. If a stage manager sees this it probably won’t leave a good impression and you could be looked at as stand-offish. I’ve read about it in acting books and heard from word of mouth about actors who just exude rudeness. Who wants to work with someone like that? Auditions can be seen as a competition but if you’re out to make the other person look like an ass and try to work with them, then you could end up looking bad as well. Competition is good with it pushes the other person to play the game better, not when it tries to screw them over. For example, an improviser heightens a scene’s action the other improviser takes that challenge and builds off of that and so on. There are texts (Audition: Everything an Actor Needs to Know to Get the Part by Michael Shurtleff is quite good.), classes, and workshops devoted to the audition process. It is well worth your time to check them out. Auditions can be fun and enjoyable but only if you let them. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Audition: Everything an Actor Needs to Know to Get the Part by Michael Shurtleff Music: Eric Clapton: The Cream of Clapton Movies: The Sopranos: The Complete First Season Live Performances: Noble Fool’s The Baritones & Sex and the Suburbs Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 14th, 2003
2:22 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 23: Retina of the Storm Wanting to learn the ways of improv and grow, young Jason Czernich saved up his money, packed up his things, forgot his fears, and set out for Chicago, the home of improv, to study the art of improvisation. These are his thoughts and experiences. Welcome back. How’s it been? Nothing to do? Step right in. I am still taking classes at ImprovOlympic (IO) and Second City. I just entered the Conservatory at the latter house of learning and so far, so good. Norm Holly, who has direct for Second City and is head of their Conservatory program, is my teacher and he doesn’t waste time when it comes to scene building. He has his beliefs of what works in improv and what does not. This is very good because the previous instructor I had at Second City during the Fall had too broad a rulebook for me. So many rules and restrictions this nameless former instructor put on the craft. It got me in my head too much so now I’m relieved to be in Conservatory with a more experienced teacher. The class seems to work well together and already we are becoming a close ensemble. For the most part, we will be classmates throughout the year long program and it’s best to develop group mind sooner or later. This bunch comes across as more adaptable than my classmates from IFA 1 and 2. Norm will throw us a character exercise or what have you and all people in the room can meet the challenge. I think I’m in suitable company. My IO class is even better. Al Samuels is my Level 3 instructor and is very well qualified indeed. He currently performs on The Second City Mainstage and does The Armando Diaz Experience presents The Mosaic at IO on Monday nights. Earlier in this journal is an account of how and where I first met Al when I saw my first Second City show last June. Since then I went to many of the free Second City improv sets and occasionally would see Al after the show and ask him questions about improv. He always has an answer and was very nice to the pestering presence of this young novice. As a performer he is always entertaining and never stumbles for words when improvising. Al has mastered the skill of playing at the top of one’s intelligence and it is always evident. Al gets results from me and my classmates. Plain and simple there it is. He’s taken current classmates I’ve studied along side of in IO levels 1 and 2 and gotten them to take their improv further. He tells us that if we see a fire in an improv scene then we must pour gasoline on it. I can only think of one other teacher that has been as good at getting me out of my head as Al Samuels has. Thank you Al. I finished a show at the Second City Skybox in January called Danse Macabre. It was based on an improv form called The Movie. This form is a two act set where all the players commit to perform an improvised piece is the style of a movie genre with a brief musical interlude. Our style was Universal Monster from the 1930s and we all played different arch types within the genre such as; monster, creator, mad assistant, love interest, and etc. The really fun thing about this form was the costuming. Normally improvisers create their own costumes, props, and scenery out of thin air but this was a special form which required more attention to dress. My costume consisted of a 30’s style suit, bow tie, evening cape, and top hat. I also dyed my hair black for the production as well (you should see what I’m doing for Noble Fool auditions next week). Our four week run had great houses nearly every week and people seemed to love it. Maybe it can come back sometime. However, a part of me is glad to move on and try new things. Right now I’m auditioning for improv projects but am doing nothing really except interning and taking classes at IO and Second City. It’s quiet and it allows me to stop and think. We all need to do that sometimes. Hey, I’m moving out soon to a decent size place. I’ll have to tell you all about it and my fantastic new roomate, Tim. Keep Treadin’. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: The Art of Chicago Improv: Short Cuts to Long-Form Improvisation by Rob Kozlowski Music: Chicago (The Miramax Motion Picture Soundtrack) Movies: Bottle Rocket Live Performances: Noah, Jamie, and Jim at ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 7th, 2003
2:26 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 22: Get the Fuck Out of Dodge! “You can all go to hell. I’m going to Texas!”- Davy Crockett It is time to make your move. Get out of Dodge while you still can. It is not too late to make it a New Year’s Resolution. And I want to hear about it. I want people who have made a big move for their performing passion to tell me all about it as well of those who are still dreaming of making that big move. You cannot pursue your passion if you don’t have the drive. If your will is weak you will never accomplish your goals. I want hear how others found their will. Send me your stories, send me your dreams, and send me your performance hopes for the New Year. Who knows? Maybe your stories might end up in a future edition of Where Gods Fear to Tread. Send your stories or future plans to, wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com with “Out of Dodge” in the subject line. I’ll select a few and with the author’s permission I’ll post them in a future edition of Where Gods Fear to Tread. It is time to make your move. Keep Treading! WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Transmetropolitan: Lust for Life, Transmetropolitan: Year of the Bastard, Transmetropolitan: The New Scum, Transmetropolitan: Lonely City, and Transmetropolitan: Gouge Away by Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson Music: Ben Folds Live Movies: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Live Performances: Brick: Further North at ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
3:29 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 21: "Should Auld Acquaintance be Forgot..." Wanting to learn the ways of improv, young Jason Czernich saved up his money, packed up his things, and set out for Chicago, the home of improv, to study the art of improvisation. These are his thoughts and experiences. New Year. Time for change. (or to force it) State your resolution out loud. (it nears reality that way) Who/What will you love, hate, and do this year? "Should auld aquaintance be forgot." Yesterday I went to a New Year's Eve party at a castmate's apartment off the Sheridan train stop. We are doing a four week run for a long form improv show at Second City Skybox and she invited the cast and many others over to ring in the New Year. I arrived around 9:17 pm thinking I would be not the first to arrive. I ran into my director Joe Janes on the door step and we buzzed into the apartment together. It turns out we were the first to arrive. Teresa, one of my castmates from the Skybox show and one of the hostesses of the evening, dragged out her work desktop computer for me to type up my program biography on so she could e-mail it out to Cara, another castmate who was in charge of programs for our show. Thanks to my incompetant cable internet provider I am currently without internet service at my place of residence and have to use other people's computers. As I typed on the tiny computer in the kitchen, the party's population started to grow around me. From strangers to fellow Second City classmates. After I typed up my bio I joined them. I spent a great deal of time talking about improv with some of the partygoers as I downed Coke and rum. Party horns, hats, and other favors were passed out. Midnight almost snuck up on us. Midnight. Champagne was doled out. I, my director, and others all group danced to The Beatles and other music in the living room. I was sweating and my throat was a bit hoarse from singing along with the others. A few hours later I tell Teresa that Journey sucks. She smacked my face. Teresa will do that from time to time during improvised scenes and I go with it because it works in building the scene. This slap was harder than usual. People noticed. I saw a girl named Leslie sitting across the room. Her mouth formed a wide oval and the rest of her face supported it. It silently said, "That must hurt." In the seconds after the slap Teresa remarked that I talk too much, which I know is a habit I damn well need to break. I sat there for a few minutes and smiled. I did not react. I did not want to agitate things further. I told myself it was best not to for our professional relationship. Soon after I used the bathroom to urinate and I heard knocking on the door followed by that stern redhead's voice. "Jason." says Teresa. "Are you okay?" She then proceded to apologize and after a fifteen second moment of silence from me she knocked on the door again. I gently knocked back "Shave and a Haircut" and said nothing. When I exited the bathroom, she again tried to tell me that she was sorry. "About what?", I replied. She tried to explain but I just smiled warmly and tried my best to fake ignorance of the event. She gave up. I looked at the posterboard in the hallway labeled, "New Year's Resolutions". There were two resolutions that caught my eye. "To unleash Jason Czernich upon the world." and "To keep Czernich at bay." Both were written in the same green marker but each was a different handwriting. Neither scrawling was mine. Throughout the evening I noticed more people were begining to call me by my last name, "Czernich". This eventually happens everywhere I go. I notice it doesn't happen as much with other people. At least half the guests had left by around 2:30 or 3 so I quietly slipped out of the party and headed toward the train station. After a fifteen to twenty minute wait a northbound train pulled into the station. I entered a car where some man, some jackass, was ranting about homosexuals and how they deserve AIDS. I had my coat hood down and peered at his reflection in the train window. He seemed to be harassing a particular person. I never got that good a look and just calmly exited the train at the Berwyn stop. I walked down Berwyn to my home, had a small snack, set my alarm, put the new Nirvana CD on play & repeat, and went to bed. The next day my alarm went off at 11:30 am and I called my sister, Kelly, in Massachusetts to wish my niece a Happy 2nd Birthday. My family was at her house eating a ham dinner and she held up the phone so they could all say, Happy New Year" in unison. My sister asked to call me back later when they weren't so busy. I agreed and went back to bed. Around 2:30 pm she called back and told me that my niece, Cailyn, was sick and couldn't make it to the phone. I told Kelly it was cool, wished her a Happy New Year again, and went back to sleep. I awoke at 4 pm and straightened out my room a little. Marc left me his AOL password so I could get online on his computer. Soon after Marc left and I showered, shaved, and dressed for the 8 pm improv sets over at ImprovOlympic. The last show got out at 11:30 pm and my friend Ron was able to give me a ride home which was productive. He asked me to tryout for his improv group that performs at Frankie J's and I told him I would look at my schedule but that it sounded like something I want to look into. When I got inside I made myself some dinner and started to fulfill one of my New Year's resolutions, to write more. Full steam ahead. New Year. Time for change. "Should auld aquaintance be forgot." WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Music: Nirvana Movies: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Live Performances: Harold sets at ImprovOlympic, TJ and Paul at ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 25th, 2002
1:28 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 20: Let’s Chat with Bevan Brunelle Hello all! Here’s the latest in a series of groovy interviews. This time around it’s 22 year old Bevan Brunelle who graduated from the UMass, Amherst in May 2002 with a BDIC (Bachelor's Degree with Individual Concentration) in Writing, Performing, and Directing for the Stage. I wanted to talk with a student who had studied abroad and here’s what she had to say, WGFTT : Why did you decide to do theater abroad? Bevan: At the beginning of my senior year at UMass, I started searching for possible opportunities for after graduation. I wanted to start early because I knew I was going to be busy with school that year and I wanted to pace the search process out. I went online to look at Grad schools, internships, co-ops etc. One day I randomly came across a job listing for Intern Exchange International, a summer program for high school students where the students can take classes in a specialized area, or participate in an internship in a specialized field. Most students that enroll enter a program that is focused in what they think they might want to study in college. The job listing said that IEI was looking for a Theatre Teaching Assistant/Resident Assistant for their month-long summer program in London. I thought "what the hey" and sent an email to the owner of the company. She emailed me back saying that they had filled the position, but would keep my resume on file. That was in October of 2001. In February 2002, I randomly received an email from IEI saying that they had re-opened their Theatre TA search. I sent in my resume, references and asked IEI for their references. I didn't want to take a job with complete strangers in a different country without talking to some former employees. Within a week, I was offered the job and accepted graciously. I was nervous, but really looking forward to the opportunity. I had no other plans at that point for summer work and it was only for the summer so I could plan on other exciting new opportunities starting in the Fall. I like to be spontaneous and try new things. Deciding to work in London has really opened up my mind to doing things on a whim. The plus side to this was that I got to travel and teach theater at the same time. I also was going to be able to see a lot of theater. In February, however, I had no idea how much theater I was actually going to see... WGFTT: Is that what you want to focus on? Teaching Theater? If so, at what level? Bevan: Teaching theater has always interested me, but I think that I would like to pursue my MFA in Directing first and try a career as a director. If I were to teach theater, I am pretty positive it would be to high school students. The experiences that I have had with theater and high school students have been very challenging, fun and so rewarding. I really enjoy younger children, but high school students do theater because they have a desire to experience it for themselves and they are more open to absorbing the information put forth. WGFTT: Have you ever thought about going into other careers as well? Bevan: Right now I am working as a photographer at the Grenier's Studio in Holyoke. I am enjoying this job very much and am considering possibly trying to pursue a career as a photographer. I am planning on moving to Tucson, Arizona in December and working in the Theater and/or photography field. My decision to move is kind of sudden and spur-of-the-moment, but I like that. This is the time for spontaneity; this is the time to figure out who I am and what I want in my life. This summer, the UK and Europe really opened my mind to acting on impulse and trying new and exciting things. So who knows what's in store for me at this point, I am just excited about the adventure of discovering it all. WGFTT: When did you first realize you wanted to do theater as a profession? Bevan: In high school I had taken this playwriting class. Turns out I was the only person enrolled in the class so I did a lot of writing. Towards the middle of my junior year the playwriting teacher/drama club advisor approached me and asked if I'd like to produce and direct a play I had written for the Kennedy Center Playwriting competition the year earlier. It was a play entitled GROWING PAINS. I had placed as a semi-finalist and the teacher was eager to have it be apart of the spring one-acts. I jumped at the chance to have my work on stage for the school to see. It was the final night of the production when I realized how amazing theater can be. How one person’s ideas can be put on stage for an audience's enjoyment? It was then when I realized that I wanted to be involved in the theater industry. WGFTT: How much have you written since then? Bevan: A lot. I took 2 playwriting classes with Connie Congdon at Amherst College while attending UMass. WGFTT: Tell us about some of it. Any favorite works? Bevan: I like to write all sorts of plays. One play that I'm particularly fond of is a children's play in verse called For the Love of Tsarevna. I based it on a Russian Folk Tale. WGFTT: Is there anything in the world of theater that you have not done yet that you want to do? Bevan: I feel that I will always have an urge to continue work in the theater. I am always going to want to improve my skills as a director, actor and writer. Anything that I do in theater will help me to develop my skills further, so that leaves a lot of options open. WGFTT: That's all the questions I have. Thank you Bevan for going Where Gods Fear to Tread and Happy Thanksgiving all! WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Newsweek Websites: Locate a Better Business Bureau: http://www.bbb.org/bbblookup/default.asp?REASON=1&USZip=&CanadianZip=&CanadianZip2=&Anchor=#postal Music: Dean Martin: Greatest Hits Movies: Bowling for Columbine Live Performances: WE3 at ImprovOlympic, Courtesy Sleeve at ImprovOlympic, The Lottery at ImprovOlympic, and Free Improv Sets at Second City Mainstage Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
2:22 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 19: Taylor When you leave home, all kinds of family stay behind. It was a few days before the Christmas of 1989. My brother and I were down at my Bachie and Dziadzie’s house in Millers Falls, Massachusetts. Mom and Dad dumped us there so that they could finish up their Christmas shopping while leaving my sister, Kelly, at home to wrap presents. She was the oldest of the three Czernich kids and helped play Santa. Even though my older brother, Eric, and I knew Santa Claus was bullshit by that time, and our parents knew that we knew, we still played along. Just for fun. Bachie was already baking and preparing foods for Christmas Eve dinner and the kitchen was full of the smell of cheese Perogi (The real kind. Not that crappy frozen ravioli they try to pass off as Polish cuisine in your grocer’s freezer section) and other foods we’d stuff ourselves with a couple of days later. Around 5 p.m. Mom and Dad came to pick us up. As they walked in the kitchen door there was something apparently wrong with Mom’s coat. Underneath the navy blue folds of her jacket something was moving. It peeked out near her collar as a white and brown tuft of fur. It was shivering. It was the head of a puppy. Eric and I were both surprised. We didn’t expect this. Looking back at that day I don’t know if Bachie or Dziadzie expected it either. This quiet furball seemed to be the cutest puppy in the world. It didn’t even make a sound as mom unzipped her coat and gently put the dog on the floor. Our parents had gotten the Shih Tzu as an early Christmas present for Kelly. I think that was the best Yuletide present she has ever gotten. When we took it home to her she fell in love with that creature right away. It was even born the same day in October earlier that year when her high school field hockey team won their only game of the season (I don’t remember the exact date but I do remember that I did get a detention the very same day for fighting on the playground). She soon after named the puppy, Taylor, and that’s how he came to live with us. Two days later, on Christmas Eve, I accidentally stepped on the dog while carrying presents from the living room to the car. He let out a “YELP!” Taylor had found his voice. I apologized to him and carefully moved on. I thought he was the cutest dog in the world. Over the years, Taylor and the family shared some delightful, and often humorous, memories. Like the time when Taylor first swam from the shallow end of our pool all the way to the deep end, climbing up the ladder and shaking all the excess water off. Or the first time we shaved him for the summer season. He looked like a smaller version of a real dog and not some prissy house dog. When he met Dude, my older brother’s much larger hunting dog (on crack), Taylor was lucky. Taylor gave him dirty looks and snippy remarks in the form of growls. Dude put his mandibles around Taylor’s throat, lifted the pipsqueak in his mouth, and violently shook his head from side to side sort of like when Stevie Wonder is really feeling the groove. Taylor flew out of Dude’s mouth without a scratch. Dude only used his gums to secure Taylor. I also remember laughing my ass off the first time Taylor met Grandma’s Elliott’s pugs, Cleo and Missy, who tried to gang rape Taylor. Don’t worry. They weren’t too smart or successful about it and Taylor didn’t let the incident change him for the worse. One day--I don’t know, about eight or nine years ago, Taylor got out of the fenced in backyard area and scurried off into the woods near our house. When he came back hours later, he was scratching at his eye. Further inspection at the veterinarian’s office showed that Taylor has been scratched in the eye by something in the woods, possibly a branch or even an animal. For days Taylor had to wear a neck collar that made him look like a satellite dish. He looked space age but at least he couldn’t scratch at his eye stitches. More time passed. Taylor got old and worn. His hair was often matted and his eyesight deteriorated to the point of almost complete blindness. He would often bump into things and Mom would sometimes have to be his “seeing eye person” as she so put it. He whined and whimpered during rainstorms. He just didn’t seem so upbeat anymore. I moved out here to Chicago in July and left him behind with everything else. I received this e-mail from Mom last night: Subject: Sad News Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002 20:52:06 -0500 Hi Jay, I just wanted to let you know that Rich had to take Taylor to the vet to be put to sleep today. He got sick late Friday and was getting worse yesterday, couldn't eat or drink. I was up with him during the night because he seemed to be in pain at times and had trouble walking but was OK if I held him. Today he couldn't use his back legs at all and was lethargic. I just couldn't take him and neither could Dad because we knew the vet would say he had to be put down. I don't know what we would have done if Rich wasn't here. He was 13 years old (equal to 91 in people years) and now he's not in pain anymore. It's such a heartache when you have a pet so long. You know it's going to happen sooner or later but it doesn't make any difference, it's still hard. Take it easy, Love, Mom Rest in peace Taylor. I really was looking forward to seeing you again when I came home for Thanksgiving. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Napalm & Silly Putty by George Carlin, Adventures in a TV Nation by Michael Moore & Kathleen Glynn Websites: DRUDGE REPORT 2002: http://www.drudgereport.com/ Music: The Beatles: Yellow Submarine Movies: Auto Focus & Punch-Drunk Love Live Performances: Armando Diaz Presents the Mosaic at The ImprovOlympic, WE3 at ImprovOlympic, Courtesy Sleeve at ImprovOlympic, and Free Improv Sets at Second City Mainstage Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 29th, 2002
12:25 am	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 18: Balancing the Budget So what expenses does a person in the performing arts face? Good question. If you’re going into the performing arts field you’ll most likely be moving to a big metro area like NYC, L.A., or Chicago. You will be on your own with no Mommy and Daddy to support you. Do not go crazy with the spending. You’ll need to budget yourself. Find out what you have saved up and what you make monthly. What’s that? You didn’t save before you made your big move? Not good. I’ve heard too many sad stories of people moving to the big city and then moving back because they went out there with nothing and just couldn’t make the rent. When planning that big move, make sure you can move out there with at least enough to cover your living expenses for your first two months. After you find out what you have saved in the bank and/or what you make a month, look at all your bills, fees, and other expenses. Does what you make cover all your costs every month? If not, then it’s time to start cutting down on your spending. Food/groceries, rent, utility bills, and performance class fees are the bare necessities. After that you should be looking at your spending habits and eliminating what is really necessary. “Wow! Elvis Costello is coming to town and tickets are only $54.95!” You could go to that concert or use that money to feed yourself for the next two weeks. It’s all up to you. Spend wisely. If your monthly wages won’t just cut it then you may just have to get a second job. If your day job is in an office occupation then get one on the weekends that is retail. Retail jobs are fairly easy to get and provide flexible hours. Some places even offer a time-and-a-half hourly wage on Sundays. You could potentially make more on a Sunday doing eight hours retail than working one day at an office job! Borders Books is especially nice place to work if you don’t mind working retail. Don’t be afraid to make sacrifices. If you want be in the performing arts you are going to have to make some sacrifices. This isn’t the field of medicine or law where jobs offers are more lucrative and plentiful. Only the chosen few, compared to the many more who are struggling, make a decent living performing. There are other things a performer has to eventually pay for such as headshots. Ask around before you go getting headshots just anywhere. Chances are you will eventually meet someone who knows a quality photographer or perhaps even is a good photographer themselves. This could lead to headshots that would cost you less compared to what some other impulsive performers your age are doling out for their pictures. Be patient and investigate. That's all I have time to write for now so...Keep Treading! WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Books/Publications: Downsize This! Random Threats from an Unarmed American by Michael Moore Websites: BBC NEWS: News Front Page, World Edition http://news.bbc.co.uk/ Music: Ben Folds Five: Whatever and Ever Amen, Eric Clapton: The Cream of Clapton Live Performances: Armando Diaz Presents the Mosaic at The ImprovOlympic, Free Improv Set at Second City Mainstage Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 13th, 2002
4:51 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 17: The Lottery One afternoon, back in late August, I received a voice mail message from a person named Andy St. Clair. The message informed me that I was randomly selected to be in this show at ImprovOlympic called, The Lottery. I was overjoyed at this opportunity. For those of you who are not familiar with the Chicago improv scene, particularly ImprovOlympic (IO), The Lottery was something dreamed up by two IO veterans, Andy St. Clair and Alex Fendrich, over a year ago while they were out drinking. Andy and Alex would randomly select a student from IO levels 1-5 and for eight weeks team them on stage with four established performers from the Chicago improv community in a Harold (a half hour long form improv show). This idea has caught on to IO West out in L.A. and even at the Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB for short. They are all graduates of IO Chicago) in NYC. The UCB Lottery even will have guest improvisers such as members of UCB themselves or even current cast members of SNL. For six weeks I’ve been lucky enough to learn and grow while getting stage time at ImprovOlympic. Not bad, if I may say so, for a young performance novice just starting out in a strange new city. I’ve built scenes these past few weeks with members of the Second City National Touring Company, performers from ImprovOlympic, The Playground, and other venues in the Chicago improv scene. Last week I even got to perform with my current Level One IO teacher, Christina Gausas! Last Tuesday, when Christina showed up for her guest spot in The Lottery she greeted me, to my surprise, with a hug! She was very attentive during the warm up and always displayed (and always does) a tremendous flow of love and energy. I remember my fellow Lottery teammate, Laura, saying last Tuesday, “You should do a scene with her!” I told Laura that although it would be nice to, that I can’t predetermine whom I do a scene with. It would feel like cheating. However, Christina and I got to do a scene together anyway and it was a great experience. I love seeing my teachers perform so I can see them practice what they teach. This was a rare opportunity to perform with one of my instructors and it is one of my fondest experiences of The Lottery so far. Let me give you the run down on my Lottery mates. Andy St. Clair Andy is one of the coaches for The Lottery and is superb at letting you know what you need to work on as an improviser. He is on the IO team People of Earth along with Alex, the other coach of The Lottery. Andy and I did a scene at the first rehearsal where I played a priest and he was a member of my congregation that came to me for guidance. The scene really picked up when Andy pointed out the Batman memorabilia in the priest’s office. Our characters bonded over Bat-trivia and we got a cohesive scene out of it. Andy is very adept at gift giving and is a very talented coach. Just last week I was informed that he was even flown out to NYC in August for Saturday Night Live auditions in August. Alex Fendrich If Andy is the father of the group that points out what you need to work on, then Alex is the nurturing mother of the group that points out your strengths. Together, him and Andy make a knowledgeable coaching team that is a real treat to work with. Alex is an improviser that knows how to play with emotions and reactions and, like Andy, helps bring your work to a higher level. This improviser can be seen most Monday nights performing in IO’s Armando Diaz Experience. Every time you see this guy you just want to give him a hug. Max Max is a Level 5 student at IO and is the unofficial student leader of the group. He’s very sure of himself on stage and has an idea what he wants out of this experience. He once organized a Harold show a few weeks back at Wicker Park’s Around the Coyote festival. Of all The Lottery cast members only him and me were present. That’s okay because Max also asked some Level 5 classmates to show up. They did and we performed a 20-30 minute Harold consisting of about eight people. It was a fun experience. Thank you Max. Laura She’s the best of us. This cute-as-pie Level 4 pixie barely needs any coaching. She picks up on games and expands on them fairly quickly. Her characters are also well done. She may be Level 4 but she plays like Level 5. I believe she is studying to be a lawyer or is already working in the field. It would be quite a shame if that field took her away from improvisation. Tony He is the everyday guy. He is currently in Level 3 at IO. He’s comfortable to be around and has truly grown on stage. He acknowledges when he’s nervous and never puts on a front of arrogance unless it’s to mock arrogance. Of the five students picked for The Lottery this term he has shown the most growth. We take the CTA Red Line home together after every rehearsal and review what we learned that evening from our coaches and each other. If something didn’t feel right in practice he always has a remedy from one of his past teachers at IO that helps me work on my scenes. He’s such a cool guy. Alan He’s Level 2 and is very enthusiastic. Like me, he’s constantly learning. No matter what mistakes he makes he is always willing to try again. I can’t remember what he does for a day job, but I know he does make a good career of it. Even though improv isn’t his life’s aspiration, he wants to have fun. Isn’t that what it’s all about? See you next week. Keep Treading! WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Movies: My Big Fat Greek Wedding Books: Braindroppings by George Carlin Websites: BBC NEWS: News Front Page, World Edition http://news.bbc.co.uk/ Music: The Beatles Anthology 2 Live Performances: Armando Diaz Presents the Mosaic at The ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 6th, 2002
11:51 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 16: Day In/Night Out Dear Loyal Readers, I'm such a jackass! What I promised to be a weekly column has inadvertently turned into a bi-weekly column due to my busy schedule. For this I can only hold my hat in hand and beg your forgiveness. Anyway, on a more positive note, the column has been mentioned in print! You can check it out in the UMass Theater Department Newsletter Stages, which can be downloaded at, http://www.umass.edu/theater/stagesfall2002.pdf How am I so busy? Well, this week let’s take a look at my Monday-Friday schedule and its variations. My Weekdays 6:30 am-7:30 am The alarm goes off and I get out of bed. Next, I make myself a Slim Fast soy shake. After I chug my breakfast and wash out the mix cup I shave, shower, dress, comb my hair, grab my backpack and dash out the door at or around 7:30. 7:30 am-8:30 am I walk ten to fifteen minutes to the red line train station where I take the train downtown. I grab a seat and lean my head back so I can get in a semi-conscious nap before work. 8:30 am-4:30 pm I get into my temp office job where I change from sneakers to shoes in order to comply with the business casual dress code of my workplace. My office tasks are best accomplished on autopilot. They usually have me looking for files and making copies in the file room, doing data entry from invoices, faxing, etc. Sometime during the workday I take a one-hour lunch break. I use this to check my e-mail, run to the bank, check my voice mail, etc. I usually drink a second Slim Fast soy shake, this time in a chilled can, before lunchtime. My supervisor leaves it up to my when to take a lunch. I never take one any earlier than 11:30 am and sometimes as late as 2:30 pm. At 4:30 pm I grab my dinner from the break room. This is usually two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with some crackers. Lately I’ve been adding Lean Pockets to the menu as well. As I eat I check my e-mail. 4:30 pm-7:30 pm After eating, I take the brown line train to the Lakeview YMCA where I workout on the cross trainer for an hour. On Tuesday, Thursdays, and Saturdays I follow up by working out on the weight machines. No matter what the day I finish with stomach crunches, another shave (on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays), indulge in the sauna as well as the whirlpool, and then I shower. 7:30 pm-12 am If it’s a Monday or Tuesday then I take the brown line train to Belmont station where I transfer to the red line train that takes me to Addison. From there I walk a couple of blocks to ImprovOlympic. On Monday nights I watch the 8:30 pm Armando Diaz Experience show until 10 pm. From 10 pm until midnight I’m rehearsing with the cast of The Lottery. If it’s Tuesday night I’m spending the same block of time warming up and performing at ImprovOlympic with The Lottery (Usually followed by beers with the cast). If it’s a Wednesday I’m rehearsing at Second City with the rest of the Games People Play cast (Usually followed by beers with the cast). On Thursday and Friday nights I either stay in or go out with friends to movies, bars, or live performances. 12 am-1 am After taking the red line home or getting a ride from a friend, I lay out my clothes for the next day, check my e-mail, brush, floss, and swish and go to bed. The Weekend Saturdays and Sundays are the only days I get the right amounts of sleep. On Saturdays I wake up at 10 am, do the before mentioned morning routine, and head off to Second City for my Improv for Actors class. After class it’s the YMCA, then back to Second City for pre-show rehearsal (Again it’s for Games People Play), and then a 10 pm performance. Sometimes the cast all goes out for beer after or even to a party thrown by another cast. This usually gets me home around 3 or 4 am. On Sundays I wake up at 11 am or noon and do my laundry. While that is going I write this column and around 6 pm I leave the house and head off to my weekly class at ImprovOlympic. After class it’s either beer with classmates at a local bar or beer downstairs as we watch the late night Sunday improv sets. I then go home and prepare to start my week over again. That’s my excuse for being lax in my columnist duties. I can’t promise it won’t happen again but I do promise that you’ll see some good stuff in this space in the months to come. Keep Treading! WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Movies: Red Dragon Books: Stupid White Men…and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation by Michael Moore Websites: Michael Moore.com http://www.michaelmoore.com/ , Stages, The University of Massachusetts Department of Theater Newsletter, Fall 2002 Edition http://www.umass.edu/theater/stagesfall2002.pdf (Adobe Acrobat is Required) Music: The Beatles: “The White Album”, Wingspan: Paul McCartney Live Performances: Armando Diaz Presents the Mosaic at The ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 20th, 2002
12:27 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 15: Mosaic End on end. Top to bottom. I am up close to the pieces of color. They are specifically arranged on the wall. Not random. Anything but random. I take one step back. Life works itself out in patterns until it is complete. Four weeks ago, Wednesday. I am sitting at a table in the downstairs cabaret of ImprovOlympic waiting for the Harolds to start. The person sitting next to me explains the concept of the ImprovOlympic Lottery show to me. The two coaches in charge of the Lottery randomly pick one student from each of ImprovOlympic’s five class levels and on Tuesday nights, for eight consecutive weeks, team them with four improv professionals from the Chicago improv community for a thirty-minute Harold. Wednesday, three weeks ago. I’m listening to a voicemail from an experienced improviser named Andy St. Clair telling me that I have been selected for The Lottery. I have not yet taken my first class session at ImprovOlympic yet. I take a half step back from the wall. Saturday, three weeks ago. Something that has been on my mind for many years disintegrates and leaves. I cannot say what it is, but it gives me the freedom I need to continue on my path. The not random colors begin to shift into alignment. Sunday, three weeks ago. Charna Halpern, Jason Chin, and Christina Gausas explain the basic tenets of the ImprovOlympic training center. Fifteen minutes later me and sixteen other improv students start down the road to developing group mind. After class, a classmate and me indulge in Guinness and Killian’s Irish Red while watching long form improv downstairs in the Cabaret. The colors break from their form. Monday, a little over three weeks ago. Everyone is upstairs in the Del Close Theater at ImprovOlympic. Everyone. This includes Second City Mainstage performers, Second City E.T.C. performers, members of the Second City National Touring Companies, ImprovOlympic instructors, students, graduates, and more. Some have come to watch this evening’s show and some to participate in it. It is the Armando Diaz Experience and it is well worth the price of admission. Where else can you see performers from the top improv schools in Chicago perform in such a large number in one improv set consisting of two acts? Maybe the selection and number of performers was so good because it was Labor Day. It doesn’t matter. It’s just damn exciting to watch. I only watch the first act. During intermission I go down to meet my fellow Lottery cast mates and Andy St. Clair, one of the two people who run The Lottery. Including myself, four out of five cast mates show up; Max, Tony, Alan, and myself. Laura, the fifth member of our cast, is away due to the Labor Day holiday. After we all gather, Andy leads us into the Cabaret Theater where we all formally introduce ourselves to each other. Later, Alex Fendrich, who along with Andy is our coaching team, joins us. He is late due to his partaking in the Armando Diaz performance upstairs. Alex and Andy lead us in a few warm up games and then have us do some two person, three line scenes. They also teach us how to edit scenes. This move is usually done in long form improv by means of an improviser jogging across the stage in front of the scene, “sweeping” the stage clean so that a new one can be initiated. After rehearsal I go back upstairs to the Del Close Theater where many of the improvisers from the Armando Diaz Experience are sitting at tables set up on stage and playing board games. Peter Grosz, from the Second City E.T.C. stage is up there and I speak with him briefly. He mentions that he wants to be one of the guest improvisers in the Lottery this term. Hopefully, it will work out so I’ll be able to work with him as an improviser soon. Back when there were fewer pieces. A year and two weeks ago. I am in a bathroom at one of the Yankee Candle Companies’ factories in Deerfield, Massachusetts. It is two in the morning and I can hear the loud machinery outside the door. My work boots are speckled with wax and my clothes smell of roses and peppermint. I lean against the bathroom wall. In a few hours I will drive home and try to get some sleep before my other job. I just stand there for a moment thinking of a new life halfway across the nation that is still eight months away. I slog back out to the production floor and rejoin the crew at the tart machine. They are all homely and have feeble communication skills. Three days later I quit. Two days after that two great towers fall in a major metropolis. Back to present focus. Tuesday, after Monday. It is 11 pm and I am participating in my first ever “Harold”, ImprovOlympic’s signature long form improv piece. Me and four other students discover where we can take each other on stage. Our four guest improvisers perform with us as equals. The thrill lasts thirty minutes. When it is over we all drink beer and socialize. I take two more steps back. Wednesday and Thursday of that week are similar days but different evenings. The day finds me at my office job where my nose always points to my computer’s keyboard. I always do manage to wake up before contact is made. Wednesday night I treat myself to a few Harolds at ImprovOlympic. Thursday night I have Chinese and chocolates with my friend Jen in Old Town. We take in Second City E.T.C.’s free improv set after that. Even more colors dart from the corners of my field of vision into full centered view. Friday. You have a good idea where that is. During the workday I feed my e-mail addiction by logging into my Hotmail account every so often throughout the day. One message is from Rebecca Sohn of Annoyance Productions. She’s asking for volunteers to work crew for Grabass, A Carnival of Dummy, their weekly Friday night show. I respond with an offer of my assistance and that night I show up around 8 pm at 3036 N. Lincoln. Soon after I arrive Rebecca tells me that they have all the volunteers they need but I can stick around and watch the show for free. This is my first exposure to Annoyance and it’s free. Of course I’m not turning it down. Before the show I bump into Sean Cusick, who I know from ImprovOlympic. He assures me that I’m in for a very interesting show. He was right. Very interesting. The acts ranged from a young man playing the Jimi Hendrix version of the National Anthem with his sheathed penis to the man with the world’s shortest memory and everything in between. It was wonderful and eclectic to say the least. At the end of the night I helped clean up the egg-stained stage a little bit and then headed home. Colors match borders. Shapes develop. I can see a picture beginning to form. I need more pieces of color. More patterns. I do not know what the picture is. I may not know for a long time. WHAT’S PLAYING NOW: Live Performances: Blah Blah Sisterhood at Second City Donny’s Skybox, The Lottery at ImprovOlympic, and The Armando Diaz Experience Presents the Mosaic at ImprovOlympic Questions, comments, and other feedback, can be e-mailed to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com. To subscribe to the e-mail update list please send an e-mail to wheregodsfeartotread@yahoo.com saying that you want to be added to the update list. Your personal information will not be given out to anyone. Spam is evil. Where Gods Fear to Tread is the sole property of Jason Czernich. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 13th, 2002
3:31 pm	Where Gods Fear to Tread Week 14: Let’s Chat with Professor Harley Erdman Life is keeping me very busy. Five nights a week I’m occupied with Improvisation classes/rehearsals/performances. The two nights off I usually spend watching improv shows and making mental notes. Hopefully I can catch up with this column soon. Anyway, I just finished an interview with the new chair of the University of Massachusetts, Amherst Theater Department, Professor Harley Erdman. Professor Erdman earned his B.A. from Swarthmore College (1984), an M.A. in 1991 and Ph.D. in 1993 in Theatre History from the University of Texas at Austin. He currently is an Associate Professor of Theater, and also just became the Department Chair for the University of Massachusetts, Amherst’s Theater Department. When I studied there I had the good fortune to take a dramaturgy class with this very intelligent, witty, and kind theater educator. WGFTT: How were you selected to be the new chair of the University of Massachusetts, Amherst Theater Department? Harley:The Chairship in my Department, like in most departments, is selected by the faculty. In other words, I got voted in by my peers. We tend to rotate this position, usually with 2 or 3 year terms. I'll be serving for the next 3 years. WGFTT: As department chair, what will make you different than your predecessors? How will you stand out? Harley:I think I'm a little shorter than Ed and Penny. Also, I'm Jewish, from New York.