A Study in Grey Stripes

I had the most amazing thing the other day: GOAT MILK. It tastes like milk and cheese, and also like a farm and maybe chickens and hay. I dunno whatall else, but it is incredible. FB boughted it and I showed some interest and she was all like OK poly but you were never interested in milk before BECAUSE IT WASN'T GOAT MILK, IDGIT. WOW. And then she had another bowl of cereal and IT HAD GOAT MILK and i went ABSOLUTELY INSANE WITH CRAZINESS and then I had some and then tonight? BACK TO SOY. Oh, i hate you FB. I thought I likeded you for a sec, but the goat milk is gone.



I am thinking of getting a pygmy goat. They look pretty small, and according to the video, you can keep them in the office! Since I am office manager, along with "person"nel, I am gonna hire a pygmy goat. I'll add goat milking to Frankie's job description.

Henrey, my flossing cat, is participating in an online cat cutie contest on the publishing blog galley cat. Besides publishing news and gossip, editor Ron Hogan (also editor of the long-running blog, Beatrice) occasionally publishes photos of pets doing literary-type things. And you can vote for your fave!

here, Henrey is writing one of his stellar entries on polycat's news community feline_news

vote here! And see all the other entrants. If you want to vote for Whoopy, that's cool. He's pretty cute.

Poly will be back later. She has some exciting news about goat milk.

Look at all my foods! Still, the fact that I cannot get snacks every time I axe vexes me deeply. I have written a letter to Senators Clinton and Schumer, and to Obama, axing that they look into this situation. Also 7 on Your Side, the Give Me A Break douche, and the president of the co-op. And the New York Times.

This is like that "water water everywhere but you can't make him drink" saying, ya know?

I know Finger 11 has a new video out, but I still think Weezer is teh best band for cats to listen to. why? two reasons: 1. the sweater song--who doesn't want to destroy a sweater?? IT'S A GOAL OF EVERY CAT. 2. pork and beans. I never had pork and beans, but it got pork and so I would like it. Lucat tells me it is made with sugar, which i like too despite the rumor around the school yard that cats can't taste sweet things.

stupid weezer won't let me embed the video because they are THE MAN, but here is the link. I know you all know this song aready, but my dum fudz B is in school. it's bad enough that i gotta have a FB wat work, but school too? THAT IS ALL KINDS OF BAT GUANO.

Check out this extra awesome video featuring a cameo by everyone's favorite THE GOD OF NIP.

It's good! Thanks for asking!

Only this: FOODS B*TCH STEPPED ON MY DAINTY PAW! OWWWWWW. You know, she is like 40lbs or something. she is HUGE. It HURT! I lifted my poor injured paw and looked up at her with my big green eyes and guess what?? She totes gave me snackage. YAY. So that was good. Only Frankie got a snack too and he didn't get hurt. That's not fair! Mebbe next time he will get stepipated on and I will get a snack.

Also, I am asking for a new name every day. So far this week I've been Princess Lakawana, Slugette, and my new super villain name THE GRAY MOLD. or, if you're British, THEE GREY MOULD. I do think Princess Lakawana is a keeper.

Here is me last week sittin in the bathroom window. I look forlorn on account of my discovery. THERE ARE BIRDS ON TEH ROOF AND I CAN'T HAVE THEM. I axe Hank how I get to the roof because he knew how to do that in the last apartment and he said, "elevator." and I was all like WOT? because I been in that elevator and it only go up to 21 which is my floor. And Hank's too! He should totes know that. And so i axe him about that and he said, "you need the secret key. I have it somewhere. I forgot where." HE IS LYING. There are mourning doves and pigeons and sparrows, and sometimes SEAGULLS I AM NOT LYING.

my life is hard.

Fudz bitch has met this cat what live at the health food store down the street. He, as you can see, is HUGE, as big as an Ottoman. I like to call him Suliman the Magnificent. That health food must be pretty good. pretty, pretty good.

In this photo, he is sittin in the middle of a very busy sidewalk, OK?

peeps and feeps i am thinking of outsourcing the food bitch job to india. i mean, look at this! there's a lot of bread, and i like bread, and things that look delicious in pretty and tiny bowls, just right for a cat of my size and classiness. what do you think? my only issue is the world economy--with things getting so bad here in the states, it may actually be cheaper to keep the FB rather than outsource to India. Still, those foods! i am thinking on it.

Four minutes to sing about your birthday

by Frankaland w/ Madonna and Justin Timberlake

It's yo birthday an all I got is four minutes
(fikky fikky)
four minutes eh!
(repeat four times)

break it down now

c'mon cat
I've been waiting for someone to
play sparkle ball

don't waste time
give me a sign
if you wanna roll it

I want somebody to speed it up for me
Then take it down slow
There’s enough room for Hank

can you handle that
You just gotta show me where it’s at
Is it under the shelf?
(under the shelf?)

(special appearance by Madonna & Justin [I actually say this part-Frankie])
If you want it
You already got it
If you thought it
It better be what you want
If you feel it
It must be real just
Say the word and imma give you what you want

[back to the cat now]
So Poly toss the toy
pretend you is a kitten with mittens
who's smitten with playing all day
and likes to lay in the sun like a
bum what is drunk on the crunk juice
and tuna sluice it's like curry in
a hurry where the Ramones went or
was that curry mahal?

Anyway, happy birthday.

Happy Birthday, You're Adopted

Louis Katowski

Your mom, I remember her Her feet
had trod one thousand miles of
pavement between the alley and Great
Wall One mile for each of her
thousand toes
She was a stunner Grey fur flecked with
orange and secret knowledge A tail that
knew what to do Eyes that saw things
sparrows insects &c

Three months later I see her with some
little mewling things all with 100s of
feet all grey and white a little like
her a little like
me Those things mine I asked What
you think she snapped They ain't
tuxies Hank I got no idea where these
things came from They seem to think
they are mine

Your mom was pretty but not smart

Good Afternoon, anipals of the internets.

The state of the hallway is STRONG. I know because I was out there in the field this morning, only the field was linoleum-tiled. I sniffed around and discovered that there are new peoples down the hall. Niko the dog is fine, and his cat brethren have gotten their balcony screened in like us! Niko said they got the windows open and the cats fly in and out the house alla the time. How can you not say the state of the hallway is strong when it provides quality information like that?

I know that we have some hard times ahead, trying to get past our peoples and onto porches, stoops, decks and into halls to find more news. But we as a nation of anipals are up for the challenge, or will be right after we nap and demand a meal.

Thank you, and Bast bless the internets.

Check it, FB came home SMELLING OF THIS THING. Ew. She live with my fashionable friend Maggie, who is appalled by developments in her home. She say to me "Poly! I had the OPERATION so I wouldn't have to DEAL with these things anymore!" Poor Magpie. What's a cat to do?

My head is filled with things to say!

so Poly let me use her blog today to tell you things.

Things No, 1: Sun Bugs.
Have you ever caught a sun bug? I've been trying. I heard only about two people who have ever caught sun bugs--my catmom's mom's sister's 2nd husband, and Popeye's dog The Jeep. A sun bug is a bug that is made out of light, but if you catch it it tastes like 17 of the world's most delicious foods and also gives you momentary superpowers that must be used for good, not evil. Sun bugs often buzz around visions of the virgin mary and have also been seen around UFOs. If you catch a sun bug, 20 more are created, so it's a good thing.

I seen one this AM and sang a bazillion songs to it but could not catch it. Have any of you ever caught one of these?

Things No. 2: The Shower
Do you know about the shower? I think a lot of cats are taught about the shower, but it may be urban legend! This morning I was reclining in the bathroom window, which for reasons unknown to me is IN the shower, and the water came on!! I was scared! And then foods lady came in!!! And she lifted me up in the air and out of the shower and I did not get wet. It's a christmas miracle! Maybe I ate a sun bug and being impermeable to water was my momentary superpower? I don't know. All I know is that it was exciting and terrifying and I think I may do it again. I didn't die! Don't believe all you hear about the shower.

Check it, if there is a photo in this post it is because i been hacked by the foods bitch. also, it is photoshopped. I were not hangin out with that cat. Also, i think i was promised a bunny carcass. where is it? is it under here? no. is it under here? no. I keep looking.

Now that FB is in school, sometimes cleaning lady show up on SUNDAY, what is my day off. But cleaning lady cannot be left unsupervised, so I had to work today!! Above is photografik proof. I had to help make the bed! I am so mad about that! And look! Hank, who is supposed to be working, is just LOOKING at me.


This is an action shot of me under the sheet, supervising. Man, I never get a break. I think I might take a comp day tomorrow.

FB was patting me on my haid as she likes to do. Lady cannot keep her hands offa me on account of my palpability. She says to me, she says, "Poly, you got an occiput." Duh. "I KNOWS. Mi pulpo es estraña. Everyone knows that." She goes, "It's in your head." "Si, es verdad. I think about mi pulpo alla the time. It has eight arms, one for each day and two for Saturday." FB is muy estupido.

This AM she was patting my shoulders and said, "Poly, you got a scapula." I KNOWS! How else I gonna flip my pancakes?? She is the fontess of the obvious.

There are photos of me on a gamera. My secretary gotsta unload them.

Oprah's new book pick will be from spiritual dude Eckhart Tolle. Tolle is best known for not being a dead guy, despite the fact that you think he might be from the 1920s.

Presidential candidate Rudy Ghouliani will drop out the race, siting medical problems. His head grew to 18 times its normal size, and then rapidly shrunk after his defeat in the Florida primary, causing a severe headache.

In the year 2025, a monster-sized mouse will be found in the forests of Canadia.

that is all.

Fb doesn't like to go to the movies, which, as you can imagine, vexes me suthing awful. She should be out the house more so I can have parties and such. Anyway, she is semi-almost thinking about going to see Be Kind, Rewind next month, which is like, what? a year in cat years? so next year she will go see a movie. mebbe. if we have a party I will alert yall, and the media. it is a Michael Gondry movie, what did Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and The Science of Sleep (something cats know about). He did not do Being John Malkovich, but he could have. In this movie, someone's brain becomes a magnet and erases all the videos in the video store, and Jack Black and Mos Def go about recreating every movie in the store. Didn't I have a dream like this once?

It sounds like Gondry makes movies that cats would make.

OH, I FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. If you go to the website you can add youself to teh movie video boxes. that's me above in Monster in Law.

If you live in the NYC area, you can go see the video store created at the Deitch Gallery downtown.

Hey, fans of the metaphysical! I gots me a new turban. Whaddya think?

So, I also got a correspondence from the other side of the world! I am very excited.

"Mate, it's Nathan from Australia. I seem to be losing the fur from around my bum. Can you please look into your balls or into Frankie's to please explain why this is occurring and to ascertain whether said fur shall ever grow back?

Thanks Mate,

Naff"

Naff, I looked for Frankie's balls, but they were gone. Then I asked Hank, but he said baseball season hasn't started yet. Then I found a sparkle ball, and a ball attached to FB's "Emily the Strange" cat hat. That one was fun! But then I found my crystal ball, peered in deeply, and found the answer.

Were you running around outside? Spirit says you got an allergy to something or mebbe a flea bite and have been scratching and rubbing your ass in the grass. Spirit says stop messing with that and the hair will grow back. Spirit also says beware of brothers sneaking up on you and shaving you while you sleep.