| hmm got nothin |
[15 Jun 2006|02:57pm] |
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darwins waiting room--into the dark |
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two new lyrics/poems
"a great sin" [divine happiness]
bewitched summoned being, entreat me thou reply
for thou has summoned the likes of me
bestow thy guidance from thine own body
hark as this fresh blood flows from my fingertips
as prood of your contract; our destiny
a vow to betray even the gods of light
bewitched summoned being, entreat me thou reply
as i plummet from the skies, i yearn for thee
i beggith you, swear to me thy very life
kiss the cleft of thy breast with my hesitant praise
as we fall from the grave to live out our days
embrassing thy desire that surpasses a fancy
bewitched summoned being, entreat me thou reply
just close thy eyes as we drift as one
the air infused with her fragrant desire
lulled fantasies amist this autumn night
blood stains on thy bed hast the harvest moon
her beauty is unlike any devil or angel
bewitched summoned being thour entrances me
for thou has summoned the likes of me
bestow thy guidance from thine own body
hark as this fresh blood flows from my fingertips
as prood of your contract; our destiny
a vow to betray even the gods of light
for we want our divine happiness to last
"her prey"
i had a dream the other night
i was so close to you
yet you were looking the other way
well do you hate me now?
or can you not look me in the eyes?
your sigh is so cold as winter is white
such a desire for your warm touch
was i not my usual self?
maybe ive become alittle indifferent
i kindof like myself more this way
ive always tried to reach out to you
yet your always looking away
it makes my heart want to jump from my chest
my old self was tremendously shy
but your passionate feelings killed that
that night my body was feeling warmer
our hearts beating so much faster
this feeling, i swore it was the beginning
of our love, but it was quite impure
you could always sense my feelings
even the ones i dearly kept secret
somehow i knew you were just
a hungry spider to prey on me
always play'd as a fool
your bite still stings me
its how i know it wasnt a dream
tho deep inside i wish it was
just so i could hide again
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| lyrics from this old man... |
[13 May 2006|03:02am] |
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 distilled |
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plastic smile by honeybee |
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"lost shore"
sea please wash away these tears
the memories from all these years
so many dreams of mine unrealized
written in poems and serialized
ive tried to believe my past was a lie
finding my soul now has no ties
visions clear but whats with these tears
i dont want to follow my foot steps anymore
they always lead me to this shore
was their anything here in the beginning?
this barren land on which i stand
so many years have past
how can time go by so fast
all these dreams are lingering
a vague haunting chant singing
semidazed i keep on moving
i dont want to follow my foot steps anymore
they always lead me to this shore
was their anything here in the beginning?
this barren land on which i stand
revelations of this aging man
live doing everything you can
never walk with idle hands
you heart will drift away like sand
initiate you will to break the cycle
take steps forward with a warm smile
i dont want to follow my foot steps anymore
they always lead me to this shore
was their anything here in the beginning?
this barren land on which i stand
over the years i find myself back at these shores
watching all of these dreams and whores
this so called life is full of them
so easliy unrealized and passed by
sometimes until they die
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| where do i belong.. |
[14 Apr 2006|03:26am] |
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uncomfortable |
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nothingness |
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over the past 21 years i have lived in many places and lived many different life styles, its amazing how many people i have known but i cant really remember anything from my past. even tho i have lived in many different ways i havent found a place where i can be happy...ive only managed to get fragments of joy out of life but they are always quickly sucked away.
i honestly dont know why im posting how i feel but inside i just feel like i should share it..ive grown tired of how dull and lifeless my life has been, no matter how hard i try or how nice ive been ive only managed to get very few friends even thro i know alot of people i consider friends but those are the ones that hardly achknowledge me or talk to me so we have drifted apart and well we arent as close as we once were.
i really need to get my head worked out and figure out what it is that i need to feel complete..i feel like a puzzle thats been scattered all over
i honestly dont want pity or sympathy, i just wanted to share this....
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[12 Mar 2006|01:41am] |
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assemblage 23 - pages |
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not much to report, same ol same ol...i did manage to write a new song that i thought id post here.
"Stereo-typing"
your not the same man that i knew before
no im not trying to start a war
i thought you were my buddy, my friend
where is it that we stand
is their something that i dont see?
are you disappointed in me?
well i guess i can understand
distant and time
it changes things left behind
my heart and soul screamed for you
but i guess you never heard their tune
your presense is beyond belief
but its something you never see
could never understand whats hidden behind your eyes
was i nothing to you?
well i guess i can understand
distant and time
it changes things left behind
the ties between us are blood deep
but it doesnt stop the hate im feed
i know im a useless being
probably not worth living
part of the hate seeding thro me
are you disappointed in me?
well i guess i can understand
distant and time
it changes things left behind
i know im good for nothing
i know in not that smart
but whats your perception of me?
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| um (insert subject here) |
[20 Jan 2006|07:25am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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cradle of filth--absinthe with faust |
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yea nothing much to update, i lead a boring life so heres a poem i just wrote to enjoy :D
“nostalgic”
I still don’t understand
Why you don’t come and take my away
ive realized that sitting here waiting
It seems that I drift farther away
And I thought I left this place behind
Yet the memnories are still present
Your amazing, so fucking amazing
I can still hear you screaming (tho im not here)
And every breath you dying (shoud I care?)
Your desires give you away
Until you die youll never know what ive survived
Longing to find my place again
Although I seem to always give in
I hide my self reflect vehind still walss
Force myself to keep on forwards
Every mistake sinks my deeper
Can any one see? Am I drowning right?
Your amazing, so fucking amazing
I can still hear you screaming (tho im not here)
And every breath you dying (shoud I care?)
Your desires give you away
Are you fucking blind?
Are you fucking kind?
Do you see the world your living in?
Everything I know is a lie
My soul is biologically corrupted
why cant you hate me? (wouldn’t it be easier?)
Are you even listening? (its not like you cared)
You made me want to leave this place
Thought I left it all behind
but it still haunts me to this day
that so called eden…
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| something new... |
[08 Dec 2005|07:19pm] |
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television... |
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a new lyric.
"someone"
i want you to remember
everything you've said
every fucking word
sometimes i dont know why
ya know i always try
what the hell is going wrong
in this life (i dont know why)
everytime i take a stand
i seem to get knocked back down
its strange to me
how much you say your care
but it never goes anywhere
its like your stuck in idle
while i keep going in circles
yet i cant keep up
what the hell is going wrong
in this life (i dont know why)
everytime i take a stand
i seem to get knocked back down
what the hell is going wrong
in this life (i dont know why)
you know everything
but your never around
i see you every day
but you dont care
you have everything in your hands
yet you threw it all away
what the hell is going wrong
in this life (i dont know why)
everytime i take a stand
i seem to get knocked back down
what the hell is going wrong
in this life (i dont know why)
everytime i take a stand
i seem to get knocked back down
it would be nice
if someone could fucking help me
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| a long time coming... |
[08 Nov 2005|02:12am] |
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bored |
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30 seconds to mars--was it a dream |
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well it like 2:30 am i guess i felt like updating finally.
well about a week or so ago i saw nine inch nails live and that was a really happy day. i adore trent reznor and the music is always something worth listening too!
classes are doing well altho it seems like i just want to skip them because im just not that motivated anymore, but i have to get thro college because so far im the only person in my family thats been in college this long and well i want to make something out of my self but how i feel i just want to give up and do nothing...but more than that i feel like i need to go on a journey so i can be off and about by my self...probably so i could see if i can get my inspiration/motivation back because it lacking sooo badly ive actually considered the thought of stop doing my art/photography because it doesnt seem to be anything but a way to try and glorify my exsistence but my works arent as great as they could be...and i cant figure out why i cant make them my best....
also not having a job is making it so i cant get anywhere...so i really need to get one but i rarely get the chance to get out of the house since i have no money i cant get gas and my parents dont want to waste any money on my so i take the bus to and back from classes. so i have been somewhat isolated from everyone i guess that are my friends...i know everyone is busy but ive notice noone seems to have time to hang out or anything...but i guess as my life is at a stand still they keep moving on
which get my back to my last post...i just dont feel like i belong/or am needed here anymore, so sometimes i wish i were able to just go somewhere else...
well thank you for your time...this is whats been going on in my life for most of this year so far.
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| beeep.. |
[11 Oct 2005|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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fear factory--empty vision |
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if i were to disappear for months would anyone miss me?
thats a question that keep poping in my head along with others.
i dont feel like i belong anymore...
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| fear the saw |
[25 Sep 2005|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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the tube |
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| H A T E |
[24 Sep 2005|02:04pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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metal music |
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no ones waiting for me, so why should i care...
people fuel my fire...
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| Answer it i command it lol |
[19 Sep 2005|11:58pm] |
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crazy |
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monster house |
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BE HONEST :O
Y = Yes, N = No
Would you? Will you?
[_] give me your screen name? _____________
[_] give me your number? (_ _ _) _ _ _ - _ _ _ _
[_] kiss me?
[_] let me kiss you?
[_] watch a movie with me?
[_] let me take you out to dinner?
[_] let me drive you somewhere?
[_] take a shower with me?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[_] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?
[_] let me make you breakfast?
[_] help me with homework?
[_] tickle me?
[_] let me tickle you?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] get wasted with me?
[_] instant message me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?
D0 Y0U...
[_] think im cute?
[_] think im hot?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle with me?
[_] want to hook up with me?
AM i...
[_] smart?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] cool?
[_] loveable?
[_] adorable?
[_] compassionate?
[_] great to be with?
[_] attractive?
[_] mean?
HAVE Y0U EVER...
[_] thought about hooking up with me?
[_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[_] wished I were there?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?
ARE Y0U...
[_] happy you know me?
[_] mad at me?
[_] thinking about me?
[_] going to repost this
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[17 Sep 2005|02:18am] |
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content |
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nothingness from within |
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well nothing much has been up besides going to school mon-thur every morning
god dammit i need friends to hang out with or something exciting to happen in my life...soo bored and dull lately
okay this quiz is soooo like me its suprizing really...
Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual,
gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to
know quite what to think of you because you
camouflage your emotions so incredibly well,
almost as well as your thoughts. You are
unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what
your going to do or what your capable of and
you've made sure they never will. You are quite
the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind
and very intelligent person. You are capable of
love but unless you let some light into your
shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your
relationships. People are a mystery only
because they all seem too superficial, you
would rather be somewhere else, away from all
the noise perhaps putting your feelings into a
form of art, maybe writing your feelings into a
poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture.
The shadows make you feel comfortable and you
don't like to step outside your comfort zone or
let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies
you. You are truly a mystery.
.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla
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| temperarly out of order |
[11 Sep 2005|04:17am] |
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fan |
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ill make real post sometime later tho i dunno if it really matters..not sure if anyone sees my journal..
You, my friend, are a lazy sleeper! As far as you
are concerned, sleeping and lounging about are
the most incredible things on earth. You love
just sitting back and watching everyone buzzing
around with their busy lives. Its not that
youre stupid or dont care, on the contrary, you
are quite intelligent when you want to be. But
why waste the effort?
How do you Sleep? (Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
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| system update |
[29 Aug 2005|08:44pm] |
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csi |
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woot
school today was fun: hot + 3 hour class + hot room + friends and i (goofing off)= uber fun
wonder if tomorrow class will be just as good.
meh guess ill edit this tomorrow and tell all..
~ transmission over ~
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| oh yea |
[23 Aug 2005|03:45am] |
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sleepy |
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fans |
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You are an Elite Master, the highest class of
vampire. You stand for power and wisdom. Your
servants are loyal and numerous. Your
overwhelming powers are of a chief element, be
it fire, earth, water, etc. You are a unique of
few. Be proud.
What class of vampire are you? (more new images!)
brought to you by Quizilla
mwuhahaha...
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| bmwuhahaha |
[19 Aug 2005|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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awsome techno i d/led |
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1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )
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| system breakdown |
[13 Aug 2005|04:04am] |
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sad |
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music |
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from ashes to autumn- milligram smile |
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Tis sad when the one your heart screams for the most doesnt seem to care you exsist...
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| fun quiz |
[12 Aug 2005|04:58am] |
| Your IQ Is 90 | 
Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average
Your General Knowledge is Below Average |
im smart but i dont know any general crap, so dont ask me general things lol. guess i just dont keep up with anything that i should but im above in everything else...thats a artist for you lol
| You Are 40% Weird | 
Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it! |
lol so thats how wierd i am..
| How You Life Your Life | 
You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot!
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it. |
scaried true!
Your Birthdate: February 18 |
Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity.
There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself.
You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator.
You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas.
Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed.
There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others.
Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give. |
mostly true
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| I Think In Binary |
[11 Aug 2005|09:41pm] |
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ecstatic |
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Family guy |
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I come baring a new lyric!
"The Down Fall of Lilth"
we have waited so long for this day
there are those who'd run away
but i think ill stay
i cant have it any other way
in this solace
(light shines brighter in the darkness)
the winds of change are coming
feel our lives crumbling
i am becoming something more
i remember when i was nothing
lets go back, when it was simpler
you initated my false empire
you tried me and spilt my soul
once again i have no conscience
so distant, i cannot fathom the plateau
driven to an absolute rebellion
every thought hints a reaction
i cannot erase your brutal morality
funny thing about justice is it comes when you leasr expect it
forever now we'll find peace outside reality
we find solace in your silence
i know my words are "meaningless"
just take comfort in the silence
you broke my heart but i wont miss it
mean while the heaven seem hush in anicipation
BECKONING!
well have our selves reckoning anew
and all the oppressed will greet you no more
now that your finally gone
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