b l u e b e r r y | e y e s | 1 7

First of all, I'm a college graduate now!! I don't feel any different, but I'm sure I will when I move to Mass in August instead of moving back to Orono. I'm going to miss Orono, I liked it there, especially this last year since I was in a beautiful house instead of living on campus. I'm also going to miss the comfort of knowing the campus by heart and having friends. I'm having a little anxiety about starting over and being the new student again.

Still, I'm excited to move. I've never lived so far away from my home and family and I'm looking forward to the adventure. If I HATE it... we'll be moving back to Maine in a year. I can handle anything for a year, right? Caleb and I will finally get to live together, too! No more of this only seeing each other on the weekend thing! He's been spending a lot of time looking for apartments. He's found some really nice ones that aren't too expensive.

I like that he's basically taken over finding an apartment, because that gives me time to plan wedding related things. Not that I've done a lot of that yet - I've been busy unpacking and looking for a JOB. I intend to, though, we are trying to get a lot planned this summer before leaving the state.

Caleb's best friend is getting married on August 1, and we were hoping to leave for Mass on Saturday, August 2. (My internship starts the 13, if we wait until the next weekend I'll have a total of 4 days to get settled and learn the area and start unpacking. I'd really like to have that extra week.) This is very frustrating and kind of causing us problems already. His friend is having a big Catholic wedding that starts at 6:30 at NIGHT and the reception is scheduled until ONE A.M.!!!!! If we're moving to Mass the next day we're um going to have to get up really early (5 or 6) to make the 4.5 hour drive, especially if my parents are coming down with us in their truck towing a UHaul... because they'd have to make the 4.5 hour drive home again. Maybe they could stay in a hotel. Since Caleb is IN the wedding I'm not sure how early we can escape the reception without being rude. It's happening an hour from my house and two hours from his house. Don't get me wrong, I love his friend and the fiancée and would really, really love to be at the reception till 1 am. It's really unfortunate that our plans are overlapping like this. :-( We'll get it worked out for sure, though, we still have 2.5 months.

I haven't been able to find a job yet, but it has only been 3 days so I don't feel quite so bad. Bath and Body Works is hiring, but they are the only place I've been who are. I'm going to call them tomorrow to check up on my app. I was hoping I could get a second job someplace but everywhere else I've been is not hiring but oh, we always take applications! Thanks, that's not very helpful. So my fingers are super extra crossed for BBW. If I get a job there I'm sure I'll only make $500-600 compared to the $2500 I would have had from the bank, but I can't turn my nose up cause that's more than I would have without any job. Ughhhhh I don't like being unemployed.

DON'T READ ANY MORE IF YOU WATCH AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL AND DIDN'T SEE THE FINALE YET!

WHITNEY FOR THE WINNNNNN!!!! I'm so excited she won, I couldn't believe it!! The first "full figured" model to ever win that competition, and it took 10 seasons. YAY!!!!

I have one final standing between me and graduation. If I get a 0 on it, I'll still pass the class with a 76 (C = high enough to graduate). I'm having a really hard time motivating myself to study.

I've decided to move home for the summer. Thanks to everyone for your advice! It was unanimous with everyone I asked. Apparently I'm the only one who thought staying in Bangor was a reasonable option. I just need to find a job now! I have enough in savings to get me through the summer and even for 2-3 months in Mass, but I'd rather not use that if I don't have to. I'm going to call Bath and Body Works first, because I know they hire for June sale and I might have a better chance since I already worked there for two years. I'll have to think of a good reason for leaving in the first place (I can't tell them that the bank was a WAY better job!)

The Stillwater is flooding more than I've ever seen it flood before. If it stops raining I'd like to take a walk and get some pictures. Caleb says he's seen it come over College Ave before and I didn't believe him until now. It might happen again this year if it doesn't stop raining. That would be SO MUCH water!!

I was officially told by the bank today that they won't be rehiring me for the summer. I understand their perspective, because I have no August availability and they really need someone to be around for the whole summer. I wasn't expecting it, though, and now I'm really scrambling to find another summer job 10 days before graduation. I do have a couple of options:

1. Move home to Fairfield and try to find a job in the Waterville/Skowhegan area. Won't have to pay electric/cable/food bills. Wouldn't have to move 2x in a 3 month period.

2. Stay in Bangor where there are a lot more job opportunities in a house I'd be paying rent on through July anyway. With one subletter I don't know very well. Would pay electric/cable/food bills. (Am used to splitting the first two 4 ways, it would be a lot more expensive to split 2 ways.)

I want to try to find a restaurant job or something else that would be easily transferable to Massachusetts. I figure since I'm going to be searching for a job now I might as well save myself the stress of trying to find one as soon as I move to a new state as well.

What would you all do? Any advice?!

In keeping with my tradition of posting on Tuesdays this month, this was included in my internship welcome letter:

Looking forward to talking with you soon. And congratulations! We received 79 applications, and ranked 48 applicants for our 10 internship positions. I understand that nationally the match rate was just 53% this year.

Wow!!! If I had known that before the match results were available I think I would have had a full blown panic attack or something while I was waiting to find out. I gave myself a stress migraine as it was!

I was matched with UMass Amherst!!! My first choice!!!!

I'M SO EXCITED!!! Actually, I feel more relieved than excited.

The results were made available last night at 1:01 am EST, so I set my alarm but then couldn't get on the website... *everyone* who applied for an internship was trying to get on at the same time. I tried to go back to sleep and couldn't sleep until 2:30 (also tried to get on the website a couple more times). Finally I gave up and figured I'd just check when I got up for class, and I had THREE stress dreams about finding out my match. Each time I woke up and said "oh man, that was just a dream, I STILL don't know if I got a match!"

Caleb stayed over for moral support in case I didn't get an internship, and because the results of the match effect his life in a big way, too!! I made him look at the results and I cried because finally knowing is such a huge weight off my shoulders.

So, this August Caleb and I are moving to Massachusetts for a year so I can complete my dietetic internship, then I'll be eligible to sit the RD exam and then I'll be a licensed dietitian!!

Now I just need to pass Medical Nutrition Therapy so I can graduate. Our last huge exam is on Thursday. Study study!!

So Emily and I were watching American Idol tonight, and she gets up and leaves the room during one of the 87 minute commercial breaks. An ad for UMaine comes on and I WALK BY THE CAMERA. What?!?!?! This was taken my freshman year or something... it was NOT recent that's for sure (especially because it was late summer/early fall). SO RANDOM!!!

Not only that, it's the SECOND UMaine commercial I've walked through! The other one I was also walking down the mall, but it was a long shot and you can only tell it's me if you know me and you're looking. So. totally. random.

I took my Medical Nutrition Therapy exam today and I survived! I'm not sure how I did... but I feel more confident about it than the first two. I need at least a solid C to keep my average high enough to pass the class to graduate, so everyone cross your fingers for me! I had to look over my notes (usually I avoid doing that right after an exam) for a project, and I noticed some things I didn't answer fully. I hate that! Oh well, there's nothing I can do now except wait and see how I did, and study super hard for the last exam.

I have a countdown running here until I find out about my internship match. From right now I have about 12 and 1/4 days! It's so close!! A lot is happening between now and then. I can't believe how fast the semester is going! 31 days until graduation. :-)

I feel a lot better than when I wrote that other entry. Still stressed, but I met with my professor and she made me feel a little better. At least she's a nice person and not trying to screw us over intentionally. I think she just honestly doesn't realize how HARD her class is for us all. I figured out that if I get at least 90s on the 3 case studies (like 10 page papers - spent 12 hours on the last one blah) and at least 70-75 on the next two exams I will pass comfortably with a C or C+. Not super exceptional, but I'll graduate!

p.s. Only 39 days until graduation!!! I can't believe it. I feel like I just moved in to this house yesterday. Except for all the snow, there wasn't a lot of that in August haha.

( It's almost April... )

I have this really delicious easy recipe for a Mexican style dip (could even be an entrée if you put it in taco shells with veggies), but it's made with hamburg, and I'd rather not use that. What kind of beans (or other things?) could I substitute instead? I was thinking chopped black beans or something, but would those cook the same/be a similar sort of texture?

( Recipe for reference )

Thanks!!

I can't believe that spring break is almost over already. Where did the whole thing go?!?! I had so many big plans and I definitely didn't get anything done. I still have tons of homework (though I did do a LOT of it this week.)

Basically no wedding planning happened. I'm kind of stuck about how to find locations. Pretty much every search on google I've tried turns up the same things over and over again, and none of them are helpful! Oh man. I don't want to have to pay a wedding coordinator to help me but I'm really not sure how to find them on my own... and we need to get on it because our wedding is really only 18 months away and people are going to be booking up all the best ones. We have a really broad area... mid-coast to central ME and everything in between so you'd think that I would be able to find something.

Also, I don't have any bras. I bought two at JCPenny about a month ago, and got rid of all my other bras because they didn't fit me anymore. I HATE THESE BRAS. THEY ARE SO UNCOMFORTABLE. (And by uncomfortable I mean I tore one off at a stoplight on my way to Rockland because I knew if I had to wear it/fiddle with it all the way I would definitely get into an accident. Ugh just the thought of putting them back on is making me angry.) Now all I have that I can wear is two sports bras that are teal and hot pink, and too small. I tried on 7 bras yesterday and none were comfortable/fit me correctly. It's so frustrating!!!!!! How do you all find bras?!

Oh my goodness. Does anyone else here know who David Attenborough is? He narrates BBC nature documentaries - he's the voice of the Planet Earth and Blue Planet series, for example. I've watched a few episodes of The Life of Mammals on Netflix today, which is another series he narrated. This one we actually get to see him, and this man is INSANE. So far in the last two episodes I've watched he's put himself in the vicinity of a feeding grizzly bear, a leopard and a pride of lions. Holy crap. He keeps saying "it's pitch dark and it's pretty scary being near these predators." YEAH!!!

Caleb just reactivated his Netflix account... recommend me your favorite movies!

A little over an hour to go until my phone interview with Southern Regional. They are my fourth choice and so this is a pretty low key interview. I'm still SO NERVOUS. I've been so fidgety all day and I really don't know what to do with myself for this last hour. I reread my application, my essay and went over answers to a bunch of different possible questions (Why are you a strong candidate? Why did you apply to our program?) and I'm JUST SO NERVOUS. I also looked through all their program information again. This is really an awesome program and now that they are showing an interest in me I'm a little sad that I ranked them fourth. Ahhhhhh this internship application process is just so STRESSFUL. My parents are also both home today and I'm really worried about noise while I'm on the phone. For example I can hear the TV going right now and they have a habit of yelling back and forth from different ends of the house. Not helping my nerves at all right now.

If anyone ever asks you if you'd prefer a morning or aftrnoon interview, choose morning!!! Less horrible waiting.

ETA: Pheeeeewwwww it's done! I guess it went alright. I know my first answer was really awful because it was several questions in one and I totally was all over the place in my answer. I can't really judge cause I was SO full of nerves, but I'm sure I'd cringe if I heard it played back to me haha. I did my best, though!! They seemed really wonderful and nice and I am really so bummed that they are my fourth choice. Ack this matching stuff totally stresses me out!

I JUST GOT A CALL FROM SOUTHERN REGIONAL MEDICAL CENTER IN GEORGIA AND THEY SCHEDULED A PHONE INTERVIEW, WHICH MEANS I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST CUT!!!!

Unfortunately, they are my 4th choice. My 1st and 2nd choices don't require interviews and so I'll have no idea if they're interested in me or not until matching day. I have to wait until April 21st to find out, and it's so far away!!! PLUS the psychological game of the whole matching process is just ridiculous. You get one internship or nothing, and the way you rank them is so important. I was starting to get filled up with self-doubt, but this call just made my whole week!! I'm really, really crossing my fingers that either my top choices like me as well, or that all the other applicants Southern Regional ranks above me go somewhere else so I'll get a match. ksjdhkjsfkjhsahrfqiwuGVKJXZBVWEA.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. I am the QUEEN of procrastination.

I have three more exams this week, including a horrendous awful one in my Medical Nutrition Therapy class. I got about 20 points BELOW the class average last time, which is pretty disgusting. (Did I mention the class AVERAGE?! I'm not used to being the one pulling the average down.)

But I can't make myself focus on it because it's so much overwhelming information. And it's kind of boring.

studystudystudystudystudy

Ok, I have officially seen the light and I'm going to change my eating and exercise habits. We did a group project for class that was videotaped and then we had to watch it. The camera sure doesn't lie! I have been thinking about this for a couple of weeks but that video was a huge motivator.

I have known for many months that I am barely hanging on to the upper limit of my healthy weight range. I only fit into a handful of the clothes I own. I eat healthy foods, but I eat too many of them. Excess calories coming from nutrient dense foods PLUS a vitamin supplement are really causing me to have pretty extreme amounts of all vitamins and minerals. The only exercise I get is the yoga club 2x a week plus walking to and from campus. It's a 15-20 minute walk one way, but it's not enough exercise. I'd hate to see what I'd be like without it!

Plus, I have a reason to lose weight and I know it will help keep me motivated. I have 18 months until our wedding, and I intend to lose 30 pounds and maintain that loss. That is incredibly doable! I will NOT look like I did in that class video in ALL of our wedding photos.

hahaha!

We're engaged!!!!!!!

Caleb asked me to marry him last Friday, Feb 1st. I was so surprised!! We were celebrating our first anniversary, so I thought all the nice things were a part of that! I didn't suspect it at all. (Well, I knew if he didn't ask me last weekend he wasn't going to ask me until next year - holiday season and my birthday and our anniversary all fall around the same time... but I didn't think it was going to be last weekend!)

His mother works for a person who owns a beautiful hotel in downtown Camden, and each year she gets a free night. She hasn't used them in a long time, so we got to stay for free! (That was my idea, so again, I wasn't suspecting anything.) We were in a suite with a fireplace, it was so gorgeous! Friday night we slipped and slid in the sleet to a nice restaurant about 5 mins walk from the hotel. Once we got back to the hotel we were sharing some sparkling apple cider that I brought (haha!) and exchanging gifts in front of the fire place. He said, "I didn't wrap yours so you'll have to close your eyes." When I opened them he was on his knee with an engagement ring! I said YES! and then I cried a lot! (Happy tears of course.)

My parents knew for at least a month beforehand, and his parents and family knew since October when he bought the ring! I can't believe everyone knew for so long and no one said anything to me! I was definitely very, very surprised.

We're hoping for a September 09 wedding, but the planning depends on how stressful my internship next year will be. If it turns out my rotations aren't horribly stressful and I have some extra time, then we'll aim for Sept 09. If not, we'll have to wait until May 09 when my internship is completed before we can start planning. That only leaves 4 months and I'm not sure it would be enough time. So perhaps Sept 2010. We know for sure that we want to be married in th month of September, though! I had NO idea how much goes into wedding planning! I started to look it up a little bit over the past week, and I think I'm going to need a lot of checklists to help me keep everything organized. I've found some really good ones that go on a month-by-month basis starting a year before the wedding.

I'm so excited and happy and giddy!!!!! It was SO so hard to leave and come back to school. I had two exams and two papers due this week and I had the hardest time concentrating on them. We're getting married!!

( Pictures! )

Barack Obama is coming to Bangor this Saturday. It's free to go!

Stand for Change Rally with Barack Obama

Bangor Auditorium
100 Dutton Street
Bangor, ME 04401

Saturday, February 9
Doors Open: 2:30 p.m.